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OfflineSpooge
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In a weird mood tonight
    #4557770 - 08/20/05 04:48 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

hey guys...I notice there isn't many people posting tonight, so it's the perfect time for something like this.

I'm really in a weird mood...not just tonight, but lately.  It's hard to explain.  It feels like I'm sitting the edge of a cliff with an abyss of depression or loneliness below.  And in this abyss is a giant serpent that will swallow any and every vibe of hope or cry for help.  Sitting on this edge of a cliff is a cold, biting wind that turns any happy thought or memory into a feeling of sadness.  I try to take a step away from the edge...but with each step comes a giant shudder of an earthquake...which makes me step back.

I dunno if that makes sense...but that's what my inhebriated(sp?) mind is thinking and feeling right now.

And some tiny voice, very far away tells me I should be happy.


BUT!!!....I know I don't feel like this normally...it'll most likely go away hopefully(hehe what a contradiction with what I said  :wink: )


Edited by entityexperiment (08/20/05 05:00 AM)


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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557784 - 08/20/05 04:59 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I know what you mean. Ya know what else is weird? There's a full-moon 2nite, and I noticed I get hard-core depressed whenever a full-moon is present. I know it's not just me because i notice the moon AFTER I declare myself officially a wreck.


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Newbie]
    #4557791 - 08/20/05 05:02 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Is it a full moon?  I remember glancing at it once tonight while at work.  It was really muggy out and there was clouds in the way...a total eerie feeling almost looking at it.  Was very cool  :thumbup:

I was in a weird state of mind at work today...at points I'd suddenly feel very high and think to myself..."wow...I'm stoned!" haha  :grin:


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557798 - 08/20/05 05:05 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

it must of been that damn acid dripping from some spot on my spine!


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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557800 - 08/20/05 05:07 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I was high at work today :smile: but sometimes I'll go sit on the curb and have a cigarette and just think to myself, "What the hell is wrong with me?  Why am I feeling this way and why can't I make it better?"  Sometimes I just wish life had a black and a white, without all that gray, but it's not going to happen.  I guess if my life is going to suck, why not fuck around with it till it's done, just so I'm not a sitting duck.


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Newbie]
    #4557806 - 08/20/05 05:10 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

NewbieShroomie said:
I was high at work today :smile: but sometimes I'll go sit on the curb and have a cigarette and just think to myself, "What the hell is wrong with me?  Why am I feeling this way and why can't I make it better?"  Sometimes I just wish life had a black and a white, without all that gray, but it's not going to happen.  I guess if my life is going to suck, why not fuck around with it till it's done, just so I'm not a sitting duck.




totally man  :thumbup:

Incredibly, this is the only job I haven't got high at yet.  I've gotten high sometimes before I go, but I'm being a good boy for some reason!  :grin:


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Newbie]
    #4557836 - 08/20/05 05:37 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I don't truly believe my life sucks though.  Or that it will.

I dislike quite a few human beings around me and feel like 60% of the time, the world is putting out such a negative vibe.  But that 40% of the time that I get to see something with so much positivity(word of the day  :grin:)...makes my month!  I find a simple scene with a woman or man stopping to point at a beautiful sunrise, quite refreshing.  I get much happiness from other's happiness.  And to me...that is SOOO worth living.  Just thinking about it is theraputic  :smile:

What I've accepted though is this:

I live in a world this is constantly going to get worse, no matter how much effort is put forth.  Myself and everyone is surrounded by a negativity a majority of the time.  I realize how much negativity is out there and have accepted that I am going to have live a life with this energy around me.  What makes me keep going is those moments of happiness and positivity( :grin:).  I realie that I am going to get caught in those "shades of grey" sand pits...but I also believe that there is a hand to grab for help, even as invisible as it may be.  Sometimes it just takes longer to see/realize that the hands there.  This being one of those moments.  I realize the hand is there...but I truly am just not in the mood to see it.  Tommorrow is always another day though!  :smile:  :heart:


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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557849 - 08/20/05 05:43 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

That's cool that you're able to accept that.  I find that I can attain peace with myself and the world around me when I use acid or mushroom, or even weed sometimes but I'm trying to teach myself to reach for that hand sober, as reluctant as I am.

Thanks for your insight though, I'll take it with me if you don't mind :wink:


Edited by Newbie (08/20/05 05:46 AM)


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Newbie]
    #4557854 - 08/20/05 05:47 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

NewbieShroomie said:
That's cool that you're able to accept that.  I find that I can attain peace with myself and the world around me when I use acid or mushroom, or even weed sometimes but I'm trying to teach myself to reach for that hand, as reluctant as I am.

Thanks for your insight though, I'll take it with me if you don't mind :wink:





If it wasn't for my infrequent use of lsd and mushrooms.....I'd be a wreck.  Seriously. lol

Love the good moments and feelings in life(as rare as they may be).  :heart:  And always remember that tommorrow MAY hold good, positive vibes from something.  Just knowing that makes me want to experience tommorrow  :smile:


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557860 - 08/20/05 05:49 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Come to think of it,

Quote:

And always remember that tommorrow MAY hold good, positive vibes from something. Just knowing that makes me want to experience tommorrow




I think that may be my helping hand


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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Spooge]
    #4557872 - 08/20/05 05:59 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

My problem is that my days are ALL the same. Sleep, go to work, go home...rinse lather repeat lol. Even at my work I do the SAME thing every night. I feel like I'm losing my mind!


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OfflineSpooge
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Re: In a weird mood tonight [Re: Newbie]
    #4557877 - 08/20/05 06:09 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

NewbieShroomie said:
My problem is that my days are ALL the same.  Sleep, go to work, go home...rinse lather repeat lol.  Even at my work I do the SAME thing every night.  I feel like I'm losing my mind!




This is what we all become being a product of society.  To live a "normal" life...we must confrom to a lifestyle full of this.  I've been doing it, unwillingly, since I was 16.  The working life sucks...especially when your working for the money at a job you don't even want to be at.

Here's a couple examples of a typical day since I was 16(before I came foreman just recently  :wink:)

ex1: See board coming towards me on a belt, flipe twice, stack if it's good.  Repeat over and over again for 8 hours

ex2. See board coming towards me on a chain.  Grab board, do the exact same motion piling the board on corresponding pile...repeat over and over again for 8 hours.

ex3. ETC

hehe I could go on and on.  The human brain has a right to go crazy when we are subjected to crap like this.  But we have to do it unfortunetely.  But if you can do something you love WHILE getting paid for it...that's my ultimate goal  :smile:


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