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 Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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 I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) 
#4543199 - 08/16/05 05:20 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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If the phone rings before 11 a.m., I don't answer it. I am in the depths of my eight-hour sleep. Little will wake me before 11 a.m. I stay up until 4 a.m. watching Law and Order reruns and cutting up old magazines. I need my sleep.
This morning, the fucking phone rings at 11:07 a.m.
This is the third day in the row I had to be up before noon. I hate that I might actually accomplish something today.
I was expecting it to be another credit card company, calling to offer me an out to all my debts by paying it off with a credit card with its low, low interest. It might be the people who pick up shit to donate to the poor. What have the poor done for me lately? They can't have my shit. It's mine. I might need it some day. Those Sonic the Hedgehog sweat pants might fit again one day...
Instead, it was a new player in the 'Let's Take His Hard Earned Money So He Can't Buy Candy and Toys' game.
It was a cancer foundation.
Fuck.
The conversation went something like this:
Outsourced Indian Chick: "Hello sir, would you like to donate to the Little Angels Cancer Foundation? It helps send kids with cancer to camp?"
Sleepy, Cheap Bastard: "I...um...already donated. To some one else. He had a hat."
Outsourced Indian Chick: "Why do you hate the children with the cancer, my friend? Why? WHY? You have a heart of ice, sir. A cold, heart of ice that would freeze the sun..."
Sleepy, Cheap Bastard: "Um. Bye, bye now."
She sounded so sad. Why do they always sound so sad? I hate it when they do that. The guys who try to sell me the Globe and Mail just keep talking, but the Indian chicks just sound so very, very sad. It's like I've killed their kitten when I say no.
She really cared about the children. I'm just a cheap heartless bastard.
Apparently, I hate people with cancer.
I hate wearing my Livestrong bracelet. Lance Armstrong is a stupid fuck. Those bracelets are everywhere. Does everyone care about cancer? Fucking posers. The fucking thing itches like crazy and gets in the way when I type. I want to shoot it like a big rubber band across the office.
I hated volunteering at the Kids With Cancer fundraiser. That was a waste of time. How does shaving your head help people with cancer? You just look like an attention whore. Oooh I raised $500 for cancer research so I'm going to shave my head so everyone knows about it.
I hated the free trip I got to Disneyland when my sister got cancer. The Children's Wish Foundation still owes me big time. I almost missed the Superbowl because those jerks scheduled the trip in February.
I hated the way my grandmother and aunt died from cancer. Their timing was awful. My aunt died before my parent's wedding. My grandmother died just after I was born. That was my spotlight, granny...
I hated going to the cancer hospital to watch my sister fight the disease. It was pain in the ass.
That Indian chick has a reason to be sad. I know it was all an act, but that's a cheap way to sucker people in. Cancer sucks ass. People who get cancer are just asking for it, the way they stand around and live their lives like normal happy people. Kids who get cancer always get free stuff. Why do they deserve free stuff? Oh right, they're dying and probably won't get the free stuff they deserve because assholes like me don't give a fuck about people with cancer.
Don't guilt trip me you outsourced, sad Indian lady. My family has paid for cancer enough in this life. I'm sorry I can't save the world by sending a kid with cancer to camp. I've got bills, car payments and rent.
But so do all those other people who donated did too.
Dammit.
Okay maybe I don't hate people with cancer.
But people with diabetes can go to hell.
Just eat a fucking chocolate bar and get over it.
Seriously...
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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 In(di)go
People of the sun.
 
Registered: 10/29/00
Posts: 8,157
Loc: Cologne, Germany
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 Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4543217 - 08/16/05 05:24 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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i really enjoy your random ramblings
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Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: In(di)go]
#4543478 - 08/16/05 06:41 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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My mind is corrosive.
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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Cowgold
Bullshit
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 12,486
Loc: .
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4543514 - 08/16/05 06:54 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan 
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4543539 - 08/16/05 07:03 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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OMG that was so awesome!
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HeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4543623 - 08/16/05 07:24 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Now that was a good waste of a couple minutes.
5 shrooms. 
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Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: HeavyToilet]
#4543893 - 08/16/05 08:35 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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My eyes are explosive.
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4543912 - 08/16/05 08:40 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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My mouth is implosive.
Think about it.
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Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#4543989 - 08/16/05 08:58 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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Oh, I get it!
My penis is extroverted.
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4544349 - 08/16/05 10:23 PM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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I just sat on a piece of glass.
Now, my ass is bleeding. 
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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Heinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.
Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: I Hate People with Cancer. (Not Really) [Re: Heinous_Anus]
#4545242 - 08/17/05 01:35 AM (18 years, 7 months ago) |
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I patched my ass, with Band-aids.
Go band-aids!
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I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde
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