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InvisibleDisco Cat
iS A PoiNdexteR

Registered: 09/16/00
Posts: 2,601
What sounds best suited for me?
    #4536583 - 08/15/05 03:01 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I am considering making an appointment with my doctor to discuss obtaining medication which would help give me an uplif and clairity of mind and also build up the confidence in my thoughts.
My situation is that: I feel horrible anxious on the inside - beyond what ai think any person devesves to bear, and I don't trust in my positive thoughts and, though I have been growing new strength in that area over the last 4-5 years, I am mostly made afraid and confused by the thoughts of doubt which make "but what if" comments in my thoughts when I do feel a bit of courage - and then quickly it all goes away.

I'm starting to get a better picture of myself and where my pains are coming from (many of them emurged on me years ago through negative spiritual beliefs, many psychedelic involvments, and shady groups I was hanging around with and perhaps the biggest one was the feeling of " I understand so much completely, it makes perfect sense to me, but everyone around me seems to not understant these things, and so I obviously mustn't be special like I thought I was. Well now, after tearing myself down for so many years I do believe now that I was absolutely right in what I knew about all those situations, that other people were acting without a clue, and that there were better ways for them all. This does not man I consider myself a genious. I considere that all those other people went through the same feeling I did at some point, to some level of severity, and accepted that nation as the truth - which it is not. So that's why the world is stuck majorly with "help-people," people with half common sense, people who half believe in themselves and posess all sorts of weird eccentricities - because they also, like me, doubted the truth they felt in thei mind by basing off who they were against all the others - the dydfunctional familty members, the uncompassionate friends, and cruel bosses. It takes faith that you are somebody more than what you see now just to notice how unhealthy and offtrack these behaviours are in the first place. And I'm fighting to now believe in Me, an aged 22 male, amidst a dysfunctional home whith a mother who denies her own problems, and then places guilt on the rest of us for them. One of the free statements I have read out of a very truthful book is that "you are not responsible for anyone's feelings, you are responsible only for your own." Someone can shout things at you, but if you inderstand the situation in yourself you can understand their reasons, determine whether they're valid or not, but you must know that you cann't maek anyone have a feeling. People do that to themselve. And I know this is an area I have a long way to go in because in me, recently I"m regognizing the same old spiteful rage which fuled me in an odd way back in shildhood. It went along the lines of - If something hurt me, accidentally, say an object I was working on, it would take my strength not to demolish that object and yell at it as if I could tear down it's ego and spit dirt in it's eye's I don't understand this reason of actioning very well right now, but I am dedicated to learning more because this is the exact same attitude hid subconsciously within me, and causing all this unwarranter revenge against myself, like it making my body miserable in the darkkness be "we" don't deserve to be having fun outseide with all the others. And this brings in shame and self hatred.
Now first of all I have exposed that it is this, doing it to myself. Did you know that with extreme stress your bobdy acids can eat away at the walls in your stomach? Mym mom has already had to have surgury once for this, I take it it wasn't fun as they had to open up her belly - but I can remember her later blaming up kids for her needing to have that. That added to other attcks held within me, and so now I'm a man of guilt who blames himself if something isn't great for somebody else. And I have learned thorough self study that the horible ropetwisting and burning I feel is going on inside is due to me, on a slightly supconscious level judging myself for being guilty (though I also know, in some way, that i really am not) So essencially I burden myself for other people's hurts, and it's made me a slave who mas accomplished little in these pasrt 4-6 years - because it would seem that my bodies energy is being directed toward tightening things wich in me should not be tightened and moving negative thoughts into my head whenever I feel hopeful.

So what would you refer me to in terms of medication I can ask from my doctor or elsewhere (there were many legal ordering sites last time i was around?
I'm the GVRD area, take that into consideration. I know Abien is not available there (too bad, could seriously get benefits from it) the psychologist I saw (who I thought was terrible by the way, he shouldn't be diagnosing people refused to give me any small doses of xanax. Why pharmaceuticals will be the best for someone who has sleep troubles at time, worries excessivly, can't get a grip on his thought for too long without felling as though a negative thoght just ruined it for me. What I'm looking for is something *as healthy and a pharmaceutical could be* which would give me time, while the drug worked, to stand up for the thoughts I believe in, and reject the doubt which always flashed by too quickly and makes me more nervous. I know there are pharms or drugs there that make clear one's thoughts, and I've experienced the reorganization of a mountain of unorganized thoughts before, so please make some suggesting to me and I will bring them up with my doctor, or maybe another if he's one of the "I never give perscictions" doctors.

If the answer you wish give is suitable but maybe personal that not everybody need know P.M. me - haven't had one of those in a while, hehe thanks for readig!!

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Re: What sounds best suited for me? [Re: Disco Cat]
    #4536883 - 08/15/05 06:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you shouldn't consider medication unless you really have some disorder. (probably you don't have one)
Medication won't fix your problems, maybe just when you're on them it will look like it but once you stop taking them you'll be back where you started off.

The psychologist you visited didn't give you medication for a reason, why do you think you know better what you need even though you don't know much about medication? Ban that thought of getting medication out of your head (unless you really get diagnosed with some disorder). And learn to trust your positive thoughts and keep the 'what if' thoughts to a minimum. Dare to try things, even though the 'what if' thoughts are strong. You'll see that everything goed fine and it isn't so bad after all. Things like this take time and practice. It's probably scary for you but it's all worth it. Go conquer those unrealistic fears! (also good for your self esteem :thumbup:)


One of the free statements I have read out of a very truthful book is that "you are not responsible for anyone's feelings, you are responsible only for your own." Someone can shout things at you, but if you inderstand the situation in yourself you can understand their reasons, determine whether they're valid or not, but you must know that you cann't maek anyone have a feeling.

I don't agree with that. If I was in full control of my feelings I would be super happy all of the time, but because we are human it just isn't possible. Being in 100% contol of your feelings would also mean that no one would be able to give you a certain feeling and that just isn't how it works.
In a lot of situations you are in control of your emotions, but definitely not 100%. Also it depends on who is on the other side; when someone you don't know says something to you you might not feel a thing, but when it's someone you care about that says the same thing can suddenly mean a lot. (see my point?)

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