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TM
The Mind, The Many, The Music.
Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 8,282
Loc: Under The Table And Dream...
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I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one...
#4480237 - 08/01/05 06:53 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Personal ad writer 30yo woman wrote:
So I live in an old house, it's over 100 years old. Back of the yard is all woods, which means there is the occasional pesky rodent.
I hate mice. No, wait, I am horribly, irrationally afraid of them.
Picture this, it's around 11pm, people who live downstairs are sleeping. The entire house is quiet, until....I'm on the phone and I start to hear scratching. Immediately, I know it's a mouse, start whispering to the person I'm on the phone with. Why whispering? No idea.....heaven forbid I should speak loudly and scare him.
So I realize that the mouse is IN THE ROOM WITH ME!!! I start to panic, asking my friend "what do I do??" over and over, having to speak louder to be heard over their laughter. Their advice "You're bigger than it is, it's more afraid of you than you are of it". This is BULLSHIT for 2 reasons. First, I don't think it's possible to be more afraid of anything than I am of it, and second will be revealed as the story goes on.
I'm sitting cross legged on the couch, head whipping around at every little sound. I swear I could hear him breathing. Thank God my feet were off the floor because the little bugger came running out from under the couch and stood in the middle of the room. I start screaming, arm waiving, crying. Mouse kinda looks up at me, notices it's not alone, and instead of running AWAY from the woman screaming, arm waiving and crying, runs TOWARDS me back under the couch, proving the whole "It's more afraid of you" theory is crap.
My friend, who trying to speak while laughing, is trying to calm me down and get me somewhere I think the mouse can't get to me. They tell me to go in my bedroom and shut the door. Hell no. As soon as my feet touch the ground, the mouse will run up my leg and EAT MY FACE OFF.
Mouse now showing absolutely no interest in my presence, meanders back out from under the couch and proceeds to examine my livingroom. Runs over to the stack of books, looks back at me with a raised eyebrow when he finds my hidden silly summer reading books. What can I say? They're good books. At least they're next to War and Peace. Finally mouse decides I have nothing good as I hadn't been to the grocery store in about 6 weeks and goes back to where ever it came from.
My friend is still trying to convice me to go in my bedroom where the mouse can't get me. Only problem with that is, I'd have to put my feet on the floor and then the mouse, who I know is lying in wait around the corner, could run up my leg and EAT MY FACE OFF.
20 minutes later, after no sign of the mouse, the hysterical crying over with, I run to the bedroom, slam the door and stuff towels under the door to make sure it can't squeeze under the door and EAT MY FACE OFF while I sleep.
I put out traps (which I really hate doing because the only thing worse than a live mouse in my apt is a dead one), and wait to see what happens. Various people get middle of the night calls from me asking how I know if the mouse is caught in the trap "You'll know". Days go by, nothing.
I check the traps, the little fucker has LICKED THE PEANUTBUTTER OFF and left the trap. On the shopping list on the counter, in little mousey handwriting is "Please get Chunky PB next time- M".
So other than that, I'm just me. Have a great day.
-------------------- ================================================ "Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. TMâ„¢
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nookjohn
Nooker
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,560
Loc: Dancin' in the street
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Re: I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one... [Re: TM]
#4480238 - 08/01/05 07:04 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Who in the world would be attracted to this person after reading that?
Are personals ads all supposed to ironically chase people away instead of attract them now?
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Twirling
Barred Spiral
Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one... [Re: nookjohn]
#4480243 - 08/01/05 07:19 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
nookjohn said: I'm sitting cross legged on the couch, head whipping around at every little sound. I swear I could hear him breathing. Thank God my feet were off the floor
I dunno, I got a little hard during this part.
-------------------- The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.
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dr0mni
My Own Messiah
Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 2,921
Loc: USF Tampa, Fl
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one... [Re: Twirling]
#4480437 - 08/01/05 09:55 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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i don't know, I think it's kinda cute. At least she didn't say that she likes dinner and long walk on the beach...
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Toqom
Shroomery Ding Dong
Registered: 07/14/05
Posts: 162
Loc: WA,USA
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one... [Re: dr0mni]
#4480451 - 08/01/05 10:09 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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That lady needs toget laid NOW!
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: I was browsing some personals and just had to share this one... [Re: TM]
#4480494 - 08/01/05 10:32 AM (18 years, 8 months ago) |
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As soon as my feet touch the ground, the mouse will run up my leg and EAT MY FACE OFF
Man... talk about some sexual tension
I'd hit it
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