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So I'm slowly sobering up from drinking a few beers and I'm stuck at this place with only a television and a laptop... so I did what I could and wrote a essay. Originally I was going to put it on my myspace page but there's some kind of intense stuff I'd rather others who knew me didn't think was in my thought process so I'll just post it here. I had nothing else to do... _____________________________________________________________________ There?s only love. There?s only hate. There is no in between.
I?ve been caught up in this thought and theory ever since I saw the film Apocalypse Now where Dennis Hopper is telling Willard the Colonel?s theories. And the main point is that there is no in between in the world on love and hate, you either love something or you hate something. In this is the justification for Kurtz in his insane personal war to want to drop the bomb on Vietnam. Now this original thought was stolen in the movie from a writer whose name I cannot remember right now, I think it was T.S. Elliot?
Is this true though? The thought is that there is no such thing as fractions. For instance if you cut a apple into thirds and give someone a third, there still is a real two thirds that you took away that still exist somewhere. So can you love some 2/5ths? And hate those 3/5ths? This theory says that fractions don?t exist because theoretically if you go out into space, you can?t land on a fraction. In the real world, when you cut something in half, you have two pieces of the original instead of one new thing. So can you be somewhere in the middle between love and hate on a person?
I personally have been told many times by family and friends that I live in extremes. I either see something as black or I see it as white. I see something as completely true. Or I see something as completely false. However, in this case I don?t think there is anything besides love or hate. I feel I either love you or I hate you. If I love you, what I have is yours, whatever I can do for you, I will. If I hate you, I want no where near me. If you?re around me, you should keep your distance. As long as you don?t conflict with me or my interests, we can co-exist. However, if you conflict with me I will do everything I can to burn you and everything you hold dear to the ground. Although I at the present I can?t think of a single person I hate in this world.
On the subject of hate, I think there?s a huge misconception among men these days on what being a man is. I think too many fellow carries of the cock have seen Scarface too many times and think that to be an influential man in the world today you need to be a loud threatening presence who?s extremely tough and willing to fight anyone. I personally do not believe in that. I?m not without sin, I have been in a couple of fights in my life, and I have been extremely aggressive in my life. However, I view violence as a necessary evil. When the time for talking has passed and nothing can be said or done to fix the situation and there is a clear and present danger, then the occasion comes about to revert to king of the mountain in the model of cavemen fighting over a fresh kill. It?s a sad comment on who we are, but I haven?t discovered anything better and sometimes it?s good for the soul to put up your fists and see what you?re made of. I think there was an entire book on that very subject and the current state of manhood. My favorite passage from the book in question is ?It?s amazing, after a fight you can deal with anything. You can deal with horrible traffic, you can deal with stupid people, and you can deal with anything?.
With that said, I?ve only had cause to be in one fight in my life and I?ve been punched in the face before. I?ve been on both ends of the mountain. When I was in seventh grade in my first week, I was punched in the face by a kid in the ninth grade who then ran and hid in the bushes. I was more shocked than anything because the kid was a pillow punching bitch but I had no concept of social structures, I had no concept of anything. So for the next three years of my life I was at the very bottom of the bottom of the social structure in that group of people. In high school amongst a new group of kids, an argument on the playground degenerated into a kid swinging on me and me slapping him the face. I slapped him because I wanted to make an example out of him but I didn?t want to hurt him. The little skirmish ended with the kid running to the principal?s office crying and me screaming obscenities at him. I was suspended for a good amount of time and several lawsuits were threatened and eventually the principal was fired and I was reinstated to the school. When I returned to school, I was king, people had a very real respect for me founded on millenniums of stupid hard wired behavior that was somewhere between fear and legitimate respect. Since then I?ve realized the awesome power of being on top of the mountain.
I?ve always been big, I often say I?m six and a half tall, six and half wide and six and a half long? two of those are kind of making fun of myself but anyway? I notice that perhaps since I?m usually the biggest I?m automatically the king of the mountain and the smaller males have to take their shot at the castle by trying to establish dominance over me physically or socially. These games do no interest me so usually with as much diplomacy as I can muster I brush this off to the side and focus on my interests. However, there?s always that five five kid who?s drunk and has a Napoleon complex. Most of these you can scare off by actually entertaining the idea of playing their game, but they?re still out there. So I ask why does this happen? Do they hate me or are they trying to gain something and see me in their way.
With all that said, I think it?s much more intelligent to pull strings behind the scene. If you hate someone, what challenge them to a fight where you can?t control all the variables and you could very well lose many things including prestige, respect, and teeth in the process. I?d much rather make someone?s life a living hell. Now, I would never ever do anything to anyone, I?m just thinking about the philosophy of all this and trying to work it out in writing a stream of consciousness type essay on it. It?s much flashier to knock someone?s teeth out but then you have cops to deal with and you have possible retribution heading your way in the form of weapons or more napoleon?s than you can deal with. So what?s the best way to handle this? I think you need to strike everything this person holds dear. You wouldn?t believe how easy it is to manipulate people. I would strike first by getting everyone this person hold?s dear to turn on them. Parents, Significant Other?s, Friends, everyone. And you may think this could be hard but with the right amount of balls, conviction, and charisma this is actually extremely easy. Then some anonymous phone calls to jobs, police agencies, and school officials as often as possible without running the risk of losing credibility. And you?d be amazed how much these people will buy if the story is right. And finally good old fashioned destruction of property. You want to push this person towards a breakdown. Now? wasn?t that more effective than a drunken brawl?
Jesus and most people who?ve done acid say love everyone. And I agree with that mentality and I?ve never made an enemy in my whole. The few people who I have raised my fists against or threatened, I made up with them soon afterwards and apologized. I think the great thing about evolution is that people can be reasoned with and even mentally fucked out of violence. I can?t tell you how many people I?ve talked out of doing stupid things. Now if I was a bad person I could?ve easily convinced them to give me their virginities and wash their cars.
So if there?s only love and hate, I think those are two poor terms to describe the ideas behind the words. I think of it more like, there?s only positivity and there?s only negativity. You either feel positive about something or someone, or you feel negative about something or someone. Negativity tends to come from ignorance. Negativity means to me ?impossibility? and if we?ve learned anything in life, it?s that nothing is impossible. We have had men on the moon which Kubrick directed, we have a cokehead for a president, and they managed to make a Pepsi with only one calorie? those magnificent bastards. So if nothing is impossible, where is there a possibility of hate? Hate seems to come from not understanding. I hate the black man because all he does is eat watermelon and watch television? well that doesn?t make sense and is a gross ignorant statement based on stereotypical delusion and instead of fact. So if hate equals misunderstanding, does love equal understanding? I understand the black man?s situation and hypocrisies so do I understand the black man? So if I understand the black man, do I love him? Also can you love a broad cross section, and if you can?t what can and can?t you love?
So conclude I think I asked more questions than provided answers. I think everything is deserving of understanding. If you want to create something, or destroy something? if you want to hate something or if you want to love something? how can you do it with justified cause without understanding it? And I believed justified cause is the most necessary thing in our existence. If you aren?t justified and righteous in what you do, then you?re leader a unjustified and unrighteous existence? and hopefully that speaks of itself. So in a world where there?s only love and hate, love. Love because love is understanding and freedom.
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