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Aztek GoatBecoming Eagle

Registered: 12/08/04
Posts: 396
Loc: BC, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Illusion of Control (trip report)
    #4471282 - 07/29/05 10:17 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

My plan went far off course when the beach I was camping at became the grounds of a wild drunken high school party. And the fire I was relaxing by became the centre of the party. I am 18 and just heading into my final year of high school, and now more than ever have I wanted to be finished with it. If not for anything but the fact that I will be able to fully disassociate from the "high school" "teenager" reputation.

My personal reflective and introspective trip was transformed into slightly tripping while I kept an eye on my tent, and on the incredible amount of disrespectful behaviour going on.

The beach I was on is near my house, and I have always thought highly of it because I have been going there since I was 7 or 8 years old. It is a very family oriented beach, little kids there everyday. The kids were doing nothing but typical high school party stuff; getting ridiculously drunk, physically taking advantage of 15 - 16 year old girls, smashing glass all over the beach, pissing and puking all over the beach, fighting, etc. etc..

I consumed the mushrooms by 11:45, and by 12:30 the party was there. It set off a very negative beginning to the trip for me. by 2:00 everyone had gone, and I hadn't really allowed myself to fully trip out until then. As the last guy strolled off the beach I smoked a huge bowl of really good herb, and withing 15 minutes I was tripping pretty hard. But I was already completely in a different mind set than I had originally been in, and the trip took a bit of a negative spin from there. I got to thinking a lot about how fucking twisted it seems to me that a party like that is "socially acceptable" and me camping out on the beach alone and munching some mushrooms, harming no one (but possibly myself) is completely unacceptable. Although my mind was caught in some negative thought loops, I managed to really enjoy the visual side of the trip, and had some really beautiful hallucinations.

At the end I was a little pissed off (at no one in particular) that the party ended up at the same beach as me, but I refuse to call any mushroom trip a write-off. It was a very good trip to practice "going with the flow" of events. And to remind myself of the illusion of control. I was also a little unnerved because I really did have this strong intuition before I tripped that it was the right thing to do in order to spark some sorta change in my perception or my life. As recently I have found myself kinda stuck in a lazy and somewhat apprehensive groove. But by the end of the trip I was having slight regret for having eaten the mushrooms.

I will have to give myself a few more days to ponder the experience and to see how it will fit into my life. See what it will evoke in me, and what I will do to incorporate this experience into my life.

Always remember that one small change of events can change the whole vibe, and that having strong expectations of how a trip "will" or "should" go, might in the end inhibit your ability to take a good objective look at the experience.

Much Love :heart: :mushroom2:

"my old friend told me
to do well always
set your sails, open
ride your waves, flowing
just relax, sober
leave you past, it's over
bind two hands, stronger
my soul waits, forward" - Arjun and Guardians

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Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 2,727
Loc: Memphrica
Re: Illusion of Control (trip report) [Re: CeeThruMeer]
    #4471585 - 07/29/05 11:21 PM (11 years, 3 months ago)

For sure. Some things you cannot control period. Try reading a book called The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts. By realizing that the well is bottomless in you, the well being all your desires, you can see that filling it is a here and now thing, not a thing to have but an experience that you have the opportunity to be a part of.

having strong expectations of how a trip "will" or "should" go, might in the end inhibit your ability to take a good objective look at the experience.

And it can also make you not enjoy the experience no matter how good it is, just because you assumed you knew how it was supposed to be. The ability to widen your definitions is very useful while tripping. Something unexpected and new comes along, oh well include that in the category "good." Of course if you go far enough, the categories shine out as what they truly are, only relatvistic, observer created. What to do with the machinery of reality? That is another matter entirely... :sun: :heart:

No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

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