Home | Community | Message Board


Shroom Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
Offlinecrunchytoast
oppositional

Registered: 04/07/05
Posts: 1,133
Loc: aporia
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
listening
    #4460275 - 07/27/05 03:48 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

i was listening to a friend of mine- he struggles with finding a girlfriend. he went on a date with a girl from an internet dating service- he asked for a second date, she rejected him. so he emailed her after that and said, hey can we be friends?

she rejected him and he got really down. i was listening to him as he talked about this, just following his feelings.

he said he felt like he dropped the ball, like he keeps dropping the ball in different arenas, like he's not good enough, and finally that there must be something wrong with him if she was going to reject him as a friend. "i'm not even good enough for her to treat as a person." i kept listening, just talking about what he felt. then he was like,

"hey maybe she didn't want to be friends with me because it would have been wierd for her. it's not there's something wrong with me, it's her that's scared of the situation."

i thought that was very insightful. he was rejected not because of some intrinsic flaw on his part, but because of where the girl was coming from.

i thought that was pretty cool- all i did was listen, and he was able to come to this more mature conclusion on his own.

i mean, i could have said something like that myself- but it wouldn't have had the same meaning i feel like. i know this guy, he would have said something like, 'well maybe you're right but i still feel this way' -only less assertively- in a kind of second-guessing-himself sort of way. even though i would have been right.

i've been in situations where i've been struggling with something and a person will give me some off-the-cuff analysis, usually delivered with a judgmental tone of voice- "this wouldn't come up if you've didn't have issue X you've got to deal with crunchytoast"

even if that person's right- having to deal with a person who knows whats going on inside me better than i do, who's being judgmental, means that in my mind i link the truth about myself with the fact i'm being judged. i've got to say i find that very humiliating and not helpful at all. if anything it impedes my process.


--------------------
"consensus on the nature of equilibrium is usually established by periodic conflict." -henry kissinger


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMJF
Human Being
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 1,810
Loc: Between 15 and 45 degrees...
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: listening [Re: crunchytoast]
    #4466286 - 07/28/05 10:49 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

"means that in my mind i link the truth about myself with the fact i'm being judged."

i don't understand this part.

but good post.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMJF
Human Being
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 1,810
Loc: Between 15 and 45 degrees...
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: listening [Re: MJF]
    #4466614 - 07/28/05 11:53 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

maybe instead of stating that i didn't understand what you ment...i should have asked what you ment.

if you would like....
can you explain what you mean by this: "means that in my mind i link the truth about myself with the fact i'm being judged."?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinecrunchytoast
oppositional

Registered: 04/07/05
Posts: 1,133
Loc: aporia
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: listening [Re: MJF]
    #4466844 - 07/29/05 12:48 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

personally i think either way you stated it is fine-
i mean, saying 'i dont understand' is just being real. i think that's a good thing.

"means that in my mind i link the truth about myself with the fact i'm being judged."

it's like, when someone knows me better than i do, and they can see a feeling i won't permit myself to experience or even see myself, and they judge that feeling- it makes it even harder for me to get access to. it's like i feel even more wrong for having that feeling. like this builds up the defensiveness even stronger. the defensiveness is like a wall.

"i knew there's something wrong with me for feeling that way- now i'm even more sure." like, it brings up every feeling i've ever had of being ashamed of who and what i am. it makes me feel even more ashamed - and humiliated because another person can see what i feel so ashamed about- they can see exactly what's "wrong" with me.


--------------------
"consensus on the nature of equilibrium is usually established by periodic conflict." -henry kissinger


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineMJF
Human Being
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 1,810
Loc: Between 15 and 45 degrees...
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: listening [Re: crunchytoast]
    #4467021 - 07/29/05 01:21 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

i'm starting to see....
but not really...
can you give a specific example of what kind of feeling you are talking about?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Chopper Challenge

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 12,101
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 2 hours, 44 seconds
Re: listening [Re: MJF]
    #4467893 - 07/29/05 06:04 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

i think i know exactly what hes talking about....

when someone points out my flaws before i can get a chance to come to level with it on my own it makes me feel even worse about the situation. you mean my issues are that obvious that i can just be read like that? then i start second guessing my intelligence...god that was so easy, why didnt i see that? god im stupid. then i dwell. and then its not even about the original situation any more. its every thing in my life. its like im realizing that im 2 steps behind, that everyone else is so far ahead of me in the game that my issues are common place in their higher up existence. that i should know better, like i lack every day common sense. and by the time i get there its all over. im stuck in a depression for a few days before i can pull my head out of my ass.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineThe_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: listening [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4468170 - 07/29/05 09:47 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I know what you mean crunchy and wrestler.

I've learned to really focus when listening to other people so that I can fully contemplate what they're saying. I don't rush an answer. I let a pause happen so they have a chance to keep talking if they want. If they don't, I try to say the right thing to help them with my perspective. Somtimes a good response takes time. A moment to think, even if you aren't conciously thinking anything, can help. It's like you're taking in the emotion of what the other person said and letting it effect you before returning a feeling.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

Community >> Physical and Mental Well-Being

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* I get so mad, IM REJECTED help....
( 1 2 all )
jimmyg080282 2,483 24 07/18/05 08:02 PM
by crunchytoast
* Socially Rejected by Girls
( 1 2 all )
p4kSouL 3,959 30 06/07/05 10:04 PM
by YidakiMan
* rejection FatBath 736 2 01/19/07 01:43 AM
by dshak66
* my fear of rejection is boring and self sabotaging! NiamhNyx 1,767 14 03/15/08 10:44 PM
by memes
* i'm ashamed of my small dick...
( 1 2 3 all )
Anonymous 9,450 41 09/21/08 03:58 PM
by GrassIsWet
* Got rejected for a job today... usr 808 5 06/29/08 09:17 PM
by WhiskeyClone
* How do you refrain from judging in your mind? dorkus 1,758 14 10/28/07 05:21 PM
by dorkus
* fear of rejection gets in the way KingOftheThing 1,499 19 12/13/05 09:16 AM
by Gillette

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, boO, Rose, yogabunny, Jokeshopbeard, CookieCrumbs, Memories
651 topic views. 0 members, 17 guests and 0 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Kraken Kratom
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2017 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.032 seconds spending 0.006 seconds on 20 queries.