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OfflinePhluck
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Registered: 04/11/99
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Eighteen Half Truths.
    #4459268 - 07/27/05 09:59 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

E I G H T E E N H A L F T R U T H S .

BY CHRISTOPHER PAINTER

- - - -

1. Orange is the absence of all color.

2. A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with blood.

3. George Washington's wooden eyes are on permanent display at the Smithsonian.

4. There's a tiny, almost invisible thread embedded in all U.S. Currency, and it is made from bumble bees.

5. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every single fox cliche once.

6. If you feed a dog chocolate, it will not be able to sneeze with its eyes open.

7. The cheetah is faster than any other animal on land at making excuses.

8. Due to wartime rationing and a scarcity of all metals, the Oscars given out during World War II were manufactured from cattle bones.

9. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for money.

10. A shark can detect one part of gin in 100 million parts of tonic.

11. Both Hitler and Napoleon were each missing one goat.

12. A rhinoceros horn is made of hate, accumulated and gradually hardened over the years.

13. Some almonds contain cashews.

14. An elephant can smell a broken heart up to three miles away.

15. The average human requires more calories to smile while eating a piece of celery than to frown and vomit it back up.

16. An ostrich's eye is larger than its capacity to love.

17. Leonardo da Vinci could simultaneously write backwards and upside-down with one hand and kill a man with the other.

18. Starfish harbor no regrets.

=====================

You guys should probably read http://www.mcsweeneys.net/

It's a literary magazine that's online, and it's funny. A few comedians and cool writers are involved. It was started by David Eggers, who wrote A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius later, and some cool people like Michael Ian Black have contributed articles.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
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Registered: 08/09/99
Posts: 16,381
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Phluck]
    #4459272 - 07/27/05 10:01 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

good morning phluck :heart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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InvisibleCherryBomM
Yoga Gypsy
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Registered: 12/27/98
Posts: 11,097
Loc: Ontario
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Phluck]
    #4459290 - 07/27/05 10:06 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Phluck said:

9. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for money.





:lol:
Dolphins are such sluts.


--------------------


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OfflineTodcasil
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Registered: 08/09/99
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: CherryBom]
    #4459291 - 07/27/05 10:07 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

bom is awake!!!


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflinePhluck
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Todcasil]
    #4459353 - 07/27/05 10:31 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Mornin'!


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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InvisibleOJK
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Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 10,629
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: CherryBom]
    #4459367 - 07/27/05 10:36 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

CherryBom said:
Quote:

Phluck said:

9. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for money.





:lol:
Dolphins are such sluts.




Dolphins will have sex for money, but it's REALLY expensive.


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InvisibleCaptainH13
Scum
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Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 10,287
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: OJK]
    #4459373 - 07/27/05 10:39 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

but they treat you real good.....

we even layed in bed and cuddled after wards......


(oh and between you and me,there really good at giving blowhole)


--------------------


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OfflineWorldbridger
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Registered: 05/15/04
Posts: 1,479
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: CaptainH13]
    #4459499 - 07/27/05 11:23 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Is it legal to pay dolphins for sex? I have a friend that is interested. (yes, it's me)


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Offlinedrtyfrnk
PresidentialCandidate 2008
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Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 2,961
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: CaptainH13]
    #4459507 - 07/27/05 11:24 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

CaptainH13 said:
but they treat you real good.....

we even layed in bed and cuddled after wards......


(oh and between you and me,there really good at giving blowhole)




:rotfl:


--------------------
It's Krang, Bitch!  :krang:


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OfflineWorldbridger
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Registered: 05/15/04
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: drtyfrnk]
    #4459523 - 07/27/05 11:31 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I thought wales just had blowholes, do dolphins have them too? If not, I guess I will have to purchase a whale.


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Offlinebaraka
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Worldbridger]
    #4459526 - 07/27/05 11:33 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Ive seen flipper. They got a blow hole.


--------------------
This is the only time I really feel alive.


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OfflineBetaDelta
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Male
Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 656
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: baraka]
    #4459533 - 07/27/05 11:35 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Yea they have a blowhole


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OfflinePhluck
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Registered: 04/11/99
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Last seen: 10 months, 9 days
Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Worldbridger]
    #4459611 - 07/27/05 11:59 AM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Dolphins are pretty much a kind of whale.


--------------------
"I have no valid complaint against hustlers. No rational bitch. But the act of selling is repulsive to me. I harbor a secret urge to whack a salesman in the face, crack his teeth and put red bumps around his eyes." -Hunter S Thompson
http://phluck.is-after.us


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InvisibleOJK
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Registered: 06/08/03
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Re: Eighteen Half Truths. [Re: Phluck]
    #4459618 - 07/27/05 12:02 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Nah, whales wont have sex with you no matter how much money you have.


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