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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
What i desperately need in my life
    #4449453 - 07/25/05 04:06 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

ill tell you what it is... its a feeling.....
the feeling you get when your life is on the line.... the feeling you get when you think that its all about to come down, and you have no idea how much longer you have before that hammer comes slammin down. The ups and the downs and the excitment and the hate and the bliss and the horrible pain...

when i was 17 i was locked up in a rehab in texas and subsequently mexico against my will. for that year i FELT more than i had ever felt before. there was this sense of urgency, this sense of meaning, of rebelion, of hate of love, of suicidial pain... but in the end its what makes me feel alive inside.

i hated every minute of that year. every damn minute, and now i find myself missing the way it made me feel.....

i hate the armed forces, the concept the reality of people killing eachother, but the other day i was actually thinking about joining so i could have that feeling of having my life on the line.....

theres somthing missing in my life. and its out there, i just dont know how to get it back without all of the pain that it brought last time, although im sure that its part of the whole expierence. . . . .

i just dont konw what im going to do with myself.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 12,658
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Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4449458 - 07/25/05 04:07 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

EMO!


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: DeathCompany]
    #4449466 - 07/25/05 04:10 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

yeah really though, but most emo kids are all sad and depressed IMHO


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PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4449471 - 07/25/05 04:11 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

no its jaut all a show. they act all sad and complain about everything then go home and thank there dad for there brand new car


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OfflineDeathCompany
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: DeathCompany]
    #4449474 - 07/25/05 04:12 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

besides the army is for winners.................or poor people with no where else to go like me


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: DeathCompany]
    #4449481 - 07/25/05 04:14 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

i dont like the army, i would never actually do it.. im very out spoken about it to the pooint of waking up in the ER because i wont back down from my views, even if it means putting them in the face of a guy who is not only bigger than me by a mile, but also just back from IRAQ.... i still have hospital bills from that one... fucker


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PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
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Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,389
Loc: USA
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4449489 - 07/25/05 04:20 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

become a bail bondsman...that would be a fun dangerous job


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #4449492 - 07/25/05 04:21 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

kott i like the way you think :smile:

then id get a gun too ... hmmm

not that im a big guy though.


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflineJadian Happy Birthday
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Registered: 07/07/05
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4449498 - 07/25/05 04:26 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I had some huge personal revelations when I thought I was facing a 10 year jail sentance (Right out of highschool) and when I got away clean I made a lot of changes in my life. Sometimes it takes something in particular to make you see where you want to go, but if you know what that is you have to persue it.


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LNC's official Alaskan stoner
:jackdaniels::drooling::jackdaniels:


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: Jadian]
    #4449858 - 07/25/05 11:26 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Do something new. Take a long walk. Look around. You'll find something to do. Climb a tree. Clobber something with a baseball bat. Throw stuff. Whatever you feel like.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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InvisibleCaptainH13
Scum
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Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 10,287
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #4449869 - 07/25/05 11:29 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

ya know with all those fumes you inhale ,i'd say you life is on the line....

:smirk:



i hope you find what your looking for......


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Invisibledblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4449956 - 07/25/05 11:58 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe ego death from a psychedelic?

I would say you should consider travelling..either hitchhiking or with a friend or on foot, or somehow. Just set aside like half a year or a year and travel across the country, or whereever you are taken. That sort of life is filled with the unknown every day, I can only imagine that you would have a lot of 'feelings' that way :smile:


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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: dblaney]
    #4450404 - 07/25/05 02:13 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

you see thats the thing i do all of these things allready...

"Do something new. Take a long walk. Look around. You'll find something to do. Climb a tree. Clobber something with a baseball bat. Throw stuff. Whatever you feel like.
"
i often walk in the woods, beat in my widshield of my car with a baseball bat, axe and golf club the other day (it was allready broken)

as for traveling, in the last year i have been to mexico twice, and canada once, iowa, detroit, kentucky, tenesee. i covered 13 states and 6 thousand miles in 2 weeks this summer....

i just dont konw...


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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Offlinei_rage_against
Mwaa ha ha
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Registered: 09/04/03
Posts: 798
Loc: a shithole in the northwe...
Last seen: 10 months, 7 days
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4450420 - 07/25/05 02:19 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

become an artist... then you always feel like that axw is about to drop. One minute you're completely broke and can't even feed yourself the next... ok, you're still broke but you realize someone enjoys your work and you can at least eat. Seems to be working alright for me. Plus you learn so much about the world while you're working/playing.


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whoever told you that is your enemy.


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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: i_rage_against]
    #4450428 - 07/25/05 02:20 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

yeah, im a glass blower right now, and refuse to work for anyone but myself...

i just feel so lazy and un-motivated to do... well anything


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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OfflineVulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
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Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
Loc: SC
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: ZippoZ]
    #4450572 - 07/25/05 03:23 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

you sound like my ex :/

i dont know what to tell you...hit the road or something.


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Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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OfflineGillette
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Registered: 01/11/99
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: Vulture]
    #4450603 - 07/25/05 03:33 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

your bored with life...thats what I think. I'd say get out on the road..have an adventure...but your always on the road......or you could just get a really difficult girlfriend...I'm sure she could cause you enough emotional ups and downs to feel alive.


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~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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Offlinel33tmouse
Stranger
Registered: 06/29/05
Posts: 103
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: Gillette]
    #4450737 - 07/25/05 04:03 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Blow me some glass! I'll pay! :smile:  I like unique glass pieces/beads/triptoys


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Invisiblebudsicle
s?igh?tsee?r

Registered: 04/19/05
Posts: 232
Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: l33tmouse]
    #4450861 - 07/25/05 04:25 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

i was gonna say something about going to adventures and such but since youve already been on the road for the summer i really dunno.. im lookin for something out of ordinary myself.

bit out of topic: i spent some time in wilderness this summer by myself and it was really great fun and out there i seemed to have purpose and it was just to stay alive with the little i had with me but back here in urban environment its taken away with all the modernities and im left empty handed again.. well gotta figure out something or the following winter will be such a bore! anyways enough with my personal ramblings and good luck to ya :smile:


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: What i desperately need in my life [Re: budsicle]
    #4451254 - 07/25/05 05:38 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I know how you feel Zippoz. My advice is the same: keep things new. Find something to do. You should be able to find something that inspires you. If you don't, you aren't looking hard enough. Sometimes what you want, like a girlfriend, is out of your hands in a way and you have to put in tons of effort to find what you're looking for. That's my problem. =) The effort is daunting. But I'm sure you know that the only problem with that is yourself.

My latest project is pulling out all of my pubes with a pair of tweasers. It hurts like a bitch, but I'm getting there. I'm probably about 20% done so far. I just had a really productive session a few hours ago where I took out a big chunk of pubes. If I keep going at that pace, I'll be done by tomorrow. I really have no reason to be doing this.. I don't care about my pubes anyways. But I came up with the idea and said I'd do it, so I'm going to do it. It's something to do and it's not boring, I can say that. =D

You should find a project, too.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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