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About five trips ago...I was tripping on 4 grams of shrooms. The setting wasn't the best because I had my roommate at the time and the situation was kind of fragile between us.
But that's beside the point.
I had nitrous. I took nitrous hit when I thought I was coming down a little from the shrooms.
Okay, what happened then is that I got a powerful mental/visual image. It was like all I could see. It floated up, and I saw that it was a green bag of some sort. The sides of it were billowing out and then falling back in, like it were breathing. On the outside of the green bag, icy-blue crystals were spreading. I watched as the bag suddenly grew frozen solid, and all movement stopped.
I realized I was still holding my breath from the nitrous hit. I exhaled suddenly, and the bag in my mind/eye shattered.
And then out of nowhere I thought, "OMG was that my lung?"
That's when I felt my heart drop and I thought: "Oh SHIT, I just killed myself on nitrous."
Let me describe to you the feeling that I got...it was TOTAL CERTAINLY. I knew beyond knew that I had killed myself with nitrous.
For some reason, then, I thought, "I have to tell someone. Maybe they could save me."
I realized that I did not want to die yet. I sat there for what seemed like forever contemplating what I should do. Should I sit there and accept death, or should I try and save myself? I finally got up and ran into the bedroom to my computer. I saw my husband sleeping on the bed, and was about to wake him, when all of a sudden it hit me,
"I"m such a dork. I'm not dying, I'm tripping."
Well, I relaxed immediantly, and went on to have a great trip. That was that.
Or so I thought.
Now it seems like everytime I trip or I get especially high, I have a few anxious moments where I worry that my lungs are going to burst.
I've actually done some research on the topic in interest of alleviating my fear, and I didn't find shit. Lungs don't just "burst."
But the phobia of my lungs bursting is very poignant. Especially if I inhale a deep hit of something, it's like a switch goes off in my mind and I get all freaked like, "OMG are they gonna burst now? I better exhale..."
Then after I exhale it's like several tense moments of waiting for my lungs to blow up.
Then, after about 10 minutes or so, I forget about it and feel fine.
I figure eventually I'll just get over the fear. I don't intend to change either my smoking habits or my tripping patterns, since overall I'm happy with how things are.
Well, I have to go to a job interview (OMG the bum's getting a job! ) so see ya.
Yeah somatic issues like that are not all uncommon. Anti-anxiety medications like Xanax, beer, or kava could definitely help alleviate some anxiety.
-------------------- "What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
I had a similar thing with fear of having ripped my hamstring right at the back of my knee from stretching too hard (2Ci was the initial source). In all sorts of situations I'd swear I'd feel blood trickling down the back of my knee, even totally sober. Anyway what I did was a bunch of physical therapy for my calf and hamstring, and just doing those movements that I was afraid of over and over and KNOWING my body was strong enough to handle it over and over pretty much fixed it mentally. Kind of just had to face it for long enough. Maybe you should try increasing the time you can hold your breath underwater, coming to that point of fear over and over, until your subconscious finally gets it that this feeling does NOT lead to death
Anxiety and fear is a bitch. One way to face it is to do the trip again and look for it, face it and see if you can survive it again.
Personally I have issues with DMT where I get scared everytime I swallow after the trip starts and I feel like my throat is flipping 180degrees and something feels stuck there. Also have fears where my breathing stops on higher dosage and I totally freakout about it. Its tricky when you are tripping balls and you are totally convinced that you did something wrong and are now dying. One way of dealing with that is to tell yourself "fuckit..if I am dying/dead why struggle with it..just face it and relax..nothing you can do about it anyways..if you have a chance to survive it it sure aint by going mad crazy..relaxing would be the best cure for it.