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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
God Dammit! I shit myself!
    #4411931 - 07/16/05 04:07 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

I wish I could say that the following is a joke, but it isn't:

This is the second post about a shit mishap in the past month for me.

I was laying on a bed in a KOA cabin in the middle of nowhere Utah. I was relaxing and I felt a fart start to build. I made the standard bodily pushing to expel this bubble of flatulence. Then all of a sudden I realized it wasn't a fart; it was runny poop. But, it was too late. A squirt of diarhea (spelling?) was propelled into my boxer shorts. I was horrified.

This diahrea completey fooled me into thinking it was gas. Has that ever happened to anybody before?

So, I sat there with a puddle of crap in my boxers for about ten seconds or so. I needed to figure out what I would do. The bathroom was over two hundred feet away. I somehow managed to get my clothes back on and walk over. Both of the fucking stalls were occupied by fellow poopers! My stomach really started to growl at this point. I knew that I needed to expel some hot, runny, stinky, and foul feces (I think I ate some bad tacos or something). I waited for five minutes and those two guys were still sitting in the stalls. I could not wait any longer. I ran back to my cabin and crapped into my waste-basket. It smelled so bad. I also had to throw away my boxers. I had to take the small plastic bag full of crap to a garbage can up near the office. I walked all non-chalantly up to the garbage can while I did it because I did not want to attract any attention.

What a night...


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InvisibleJim
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Registered: 04/07/04
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411936 - 07/16/05 04:09 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

you drink too much apple juice


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Use the Fucking Reply To Feature You Lazy Pieces of Shit!

afoaf said:
Jim, if you were in my city, I would let you fuck my wife.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411939 - 07/16/05 04:10 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

We call that sharting.

Happens to the best of us


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OfflineWeAreAllOne
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Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 2,649
Loc: Pennsylvania
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4411941 - 07/16/05 04:10 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

:poke:


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Corporal Kielbasa] * 1
    #4411947 - 07/16/05 04:14 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

SHEIKofSHIITAKE said:
We call that sharting.

Happens to the best of us




It may happen to chill and laid back guys like you, but neurotic and anxious guys like me should be in constant control of things like that.  :smirk:


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411957 - 07/16/05 04:18 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

hahahahahahahahaa .. that sucks.
Ever thought of an enema?


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Shroomism]
    #4411958 - 07/16/05 04:19 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
hahahahahahahahaa .. that sucks.
Ever thought of an enema?




Too expensive. I'll bet it feels awesome though.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411963 - 07/16/05 04:20 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

i thought you were also very chill. See i dont even fart any more im so chill. It kinda just flows.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4411968 - 07/16/05 04:22 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

SHEIKofSHIITAKE said:
i thought you were also very chill. See i dont even fart any more im so chill. It kinda just flows.




Does it flow into your boxers like what happened to me?


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411978 - 07/16/05 04:26 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

some times it even gets left behind on the sidewalk as im walking down the street


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Offlinewildbill
billbo
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Registered: 06/11/05
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411980 - 07/16/05 04:27 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

haha yea ive done such things but that was an awesomely told story, and props for sharing.


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"ow-now-brown-cow" ~ _Ron Burgundy_


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Offlinedebianlinux
Myconerd - DBK
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411981 - 07/16/05 04:28 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

the sphincter appears to give you a choice;
guilt or shame

if your racing to a toilet and just manage to get your pants down before the brown majesty coats the throne then you get to live with guilt for leaving such a horrid mess.

if, as in your case, you fill your trousers with your own refuse then you get shame.

the choice is an illusion. the sphincter retains all control over your options.
your only choice is to make allies with your sphincter.

failure to do so will result in Guilty Shame... that is when you blast stinky frostee mix all over a public toilet seat AND manage to fire a stream down the back of your pants.


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InvisibleJim
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Registered: 04/07/04
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: debianlinux]
    #4411984 - 07/16/05 04:30 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

exactly


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Use the Fucking Reply To Feature You Lazy Pieces of Shit!

afoaf said:
Jim, if you were in my city, I would let you fuck my wife.


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4411988 - 07/16/05 04:33 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

expensive???
how much does it cost to squirt water up your ass?


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Shroomism]
    #4411997 - 07/16/05 04:38 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

the expensive part is paying someone else to do it, right?


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: debianlinux]
    #4412003 - 07/16/05 04:40 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

ya probably... on some fancy $10,000 hydrotherapy machine..
fuck that.. I'm not paying someone to do that.. I know how to squeeze a plastic bottle..
but damn.. I never knew how amazing an enema could be. All that crap built up over the years.. just flushed away. I felt like a new person. :grin:


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Shroomism]
    #4412088 - 07/16/05 05:23 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Did you really? Would it be wrong of me to try this said enema with a garden hose?


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Invisiblemantis
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4412101 - 07/16/05 05:29 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

RandalFlagg said:
Quote:

SHEIKofSHIITAKE said:
We call that sharting.

Happens to the best of us




It may happen to chill and laid back guys like you, but neurotic and anxious guys like me should be in constant control of things like that.  :smirk:



Anal-retentive? You need to live up to that name, dammit. Shitting your pants isn't helping.


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #4412112 - 07/16/05 05:32 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah honestly.. it took about four flushes the last time I did it to get.. almost everything out.. but I seriously felt a million times better.. .and healthier in general to boot.

I dont know about a garden hose.... I suppose it could work.. I've heard of people using pressured shower jets.. so sure why not. But I hear tap water is bad news.. long term. Warm water is best.

heh what does master google think - http://www.google.com/search?hs=QDE&...amp;btnG=Search


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InvisibleCalifornia
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Re: God Dammit! I shit myself! [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4412133 - 07/16/05 05:40 PM (11 years, 4 months ago)



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