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well to start off the night, me and a couple friends were gonna go to this small festival and check out a performance by the jerry garcia band. to make a long story short, it got rained out and we went back to my friend's place. i didn't know that two of my friends had already split a 1/8, so by the time i started eating mine it was already around 10pm; i started off with about 1 gram and wanted to see how my stomach would feel (these shrooms always give me a stomach ache; the strain was tai)
we went on a bike ride over to my other friend's house to hang out with a couple other people. i decide to eat some more, probably close to another .7g and we blaze a couple bowls. my friend turned on his liquid light projector and i stared into the ceiling and got lost in it for a while, then we went out into the backyard and threw around this color-changing lite-up frisbee which was fun but aggrivated my stomach. i decided it would be best to go back to my own place, even though i really didn't feel like biking at all.
i got back to my place and i was sweaty as hell, so i decided to take a shower which made me feel much better. i laid in my "bedroom" which i don't even sleep in, it's more of a "chill room" as you can see below:
well since i really wasn't planning on tripping that night, my place was a mess so i really wasn't too comfortable. i put in the latest sts9 show from archive.org but i really didn't feel like listening to something that fast paced, so i took my stuff and went out into my living room, and put on some grateful dead: american beauty, skeletons from the closet, and a show from nassau, bahamas 3/28/90. this helped to calm my stomach down again and me period.
as i laid down i couldn't help but think of my ex girlfriend, who broke up with me last september. i have been trying so hard in my life to move on and find someone else, but it's really hard for me because i seriously thought i would spend the rest of my life with this girl and i considered her my soulmate. so it really does hurt me to think that she is happier off with some other guy and me, i'm really not. most of the time i can keep my emotions in check, but i just really needed to let everything go. so i haven't cried in months, but i just let loose and laid on the ground, my arms over my head, legs stretched out, listening to the dead and letting my pain go from my body and mind. all i really wished for was someone to lay there next to me, to hold me, and tell me things would be okay.
i felt really alone, like i had no one to talk to. i really don't open up to anyone anymore, i barely talk with my family even though we live close to each other. sometimes i just feel so disconnected with reality, with the rest of society, even with my friends and family; sometimes i just cannot relate to life. after i let all my built-up emotions out, i felt much better.
i thought that smoking a bowl would be a good idea and help me relax, so i did that, and afterwards felt much more calm and relaxed. when i was smoking i couldn't even feel myself hitting the pipe or feel any smoke in my lungs. i went back onto my bed and just melted, while the dead was still playing faintly in the background. i closed my eyes and ventured into my brain which was a fairly cool experience. i could conjur up any images/scenarios/music/sounds i wanted to in my head
the main aspect of my trip wasn't really centered around visuals or any contortions of reality, but rather trying to get myself out of this rut i've found myself in. i'm talking about just being un-motivated and lazy, but last night i realized this isn't healthy for myself.
so i am going to use the experience last night to help put my life back together; i.e. take better care of my body, keep my place cleaner, and not proscrinate with my responsiblities as much
eventually at about 4am i fell asleep, and had this really crazy dream. i was at this family gathering/festival, and lately in my dreams i have been taking lsd ... quite a lot. up until this year i had only tried acid 3 times, and this year alone i've taken about 25 hits, which have all been great experiences but now i'm starting to wonder what kind of effect that's had on me as a person, and my personality, etc.
so in conclusion, this really wasn't too crazy of an experience, but it's just one of this wake-up calls i really needed, and in the end all the pain and the struggles were worth it, for it's clear to me what i need to do to make myself happier.