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OfflineDig_a_Pony
The MadcapLaughs
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Registered: 06/23/05
Posts: 160
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by
    #4341370 - 06/27/05 03:33 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

..Things have become a problem...this is why I reach out to a message board...I'll start rambling, maybe something will make sense.

I feel like I am not truly living. my head isn't in the same clear place as others', as it should be. I'm not learning every moment, thoughts don't come easily to me. Essentially, I feel dead, but not only numb to emotion, but...like I'm failing at life and the picture of death I have at the back of my mind is creeping up on me and I'll die regretting all of the time I took for granted. Youd think that thought could motivate me to live it out, but when I think, I'll regret not living this mo ment to the fullest there's a pause between the thought and reality, my surroundings, where I realize I'm stuck inside of my head.

I could desribe it as introversion gone horribly wrong. When I'm in public, talking to people I don't care about, don't know, the words don't come out right, my mind disconnects from my body and words come out slow and broken and confused. I'm a scared child.

I'm killing myself...I stay at home and when I go out I'm scared as hell and when I do start to feel an emotional breakthrough around someone I hold it in, becuase it's embarrassing to cry and be mushy, etc.

ANy advice? Could these feeling be caused by events that traumatized me? I don't think they are drug related, as I only tripped once, two years ago, almost three years ago..I have a poor concept of time.

I want to take life seriously and live in reality. Help.


--------------------
...
We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom



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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Dig_a_Pony]
    #4341690 - 06/27/05 04:55 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

... Be sure to let me know if anything works for you.


--------------------
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!


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OfflineDig_a_Pony
The MadcapLaughs
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Registered: 06/23/05
Posts: 160
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: BloodNOil]
    #4341703 - 06/27/05 05:01 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I think you're trying to be condescending but your comment really isn't relevant enough to say?


--------------------
...
We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom



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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Dig_a_Pony]
    #4341711 - 06/27/05 05:05 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

What I was trying to say, although it didn't work out too well, was
that I see a lot of myself in what you wrote.

Have you tried going to a doctor? Maybe mentioning PTSD?


--------------------
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!


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OfflineDig_a_Pony
The MadcapLaughs
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Registered: 06/23/05
Posts: 160
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: BloodNOil]
    #4341717 - 06/27/05 05:07 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Ah, yeah, that should have been obvious.

Man....I have been seeing doctors since I was twelve. This feeling has only been here for like a year but I've had a lot of problems in the past as well. What is PTSD?


--------------------
...
We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom



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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,359
Loc: In the jungle
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Dig_a_Pony]
    #4341739 - 06/27/05 05:13 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I think he might have been emphasizing with your situation...

I used to have a similar problem that stemmed from an anxiety disorder but I don't remember how I overcame in.  I guess I didn't really overcome it, I just decided to really make an effort to not give a shit about what people think.  It takes practice...

Okay well, my suggestion is that you need to shake up your lifestyle a little bit.  It will take some willpower, but I'm of the mind that the best way of dealing with a fear or dilemma is by confronting it head on.  That means whenever you feel scared or anxious about going out and doing anything new, FORCE yourself to do it anyway.  Make yourself see the positive in what you are doing: you are re-educating yourself to cope with those uncomfortable situations better.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should work on what you feel insecure about.  Think of something, a new hobby or activity that you've been wanting to try, and then go for it.  If you sit at home all the time, idle and afraid, you will naturally decay socially, and become even more anxious and detached from present reality.  Human's are social creatures, even humans who are fearful of being social.  Your mind needs variety to flourish and be healthy.  If you keep a flower locked all alone in a dark room, it will grow sickly, and maybe eventually die.  Don't let yourself become a wilted flower.  :heart: 

For me, daily exercise, new hobbies, and a speech class really helped me deal with my social phobia.  Exercise does wonders to raise confidence and mood, and by developing new hobbies I met new people. 

I'm rambling now (lack of sleep) but I think you know what I'm saying.  If I went overboard or didn't address your concerns, then I'm sorry, I'll try again tomorrow.  :sun:


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Invisibleeligal
Noobie

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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Dig_a_Pony]
    #4341767 - 06/27/05 05:22 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

i have similar problems, just dont kill yourself....
let me ramble wit ya.  :laugh:
i have more a lonliness that can only be cured with true friends, and i havent found any since i moved to cali (from hamburg, germany). all my friends are in other countries. along with that im trapd in a house full of anoying people.
also, i dont seem to see a reson to live. its like, so many things people expect me to do, but i dont really see the point of doing it, the only reason i continue to do as i do is so that people (family) dont complain about my lacking. im talkin about school, work, etc. i jsut wanna chill wit sum weed and beer in hamburg with old friends and enjoy the life i used 2 hav... this is why i hate family ties, it puts this pressure/obligation on my shoulders which i dont want. i always seem to feel better when noone wants something from me, then i end up doing stuff... btu when it gets pressured on me, then it becomes stressful and unwanted, and i end up not doing it...
i understand i need to creat a economic foundation or whatever, but, i dont want to go through all this grooling deadline college work... sometimes i think i should just becom a drug dealer and get the fast cash...
i got a deadline soon for a fuck load of work on my online class, but i cant seem to start... its just a nag, doesnt feel like i truely need it, although i do.
also, im getn this thing where when i socialise, i dotn get scared, i just dont see the point anymore. i dont care about these people, i doubt itll becom a friendship, since nothin has in the last few months.... so whats the point? along with that the one guy i thought was a true friend keeps leaving me alone to go hang out with japanese people... and i tend to think he only hangs out with them caus of the fact that theyre japanese, and no other reason... (maybe he also misses japan?) i dont mind that hes got other friends, but hes completely left me in the dark for them...
also, ive been waiting for my damn supplies for growin my shrooms for ages!! and shit takes so damn long!! (damn ups...). dido for my maria seeds i ordered!!  :mad:

i think my main problem is i need freedom and a partner or a small group of closely nit friends... ive always had a few realy realy close friends, until i can to cali... lol. i remember wwhen i lived in spain (before germany), my best friend was with me like from wake till sleep (except when we were in school, he went to another school). we had like, mixed brain waves. we would be quite for watever long, then all of a sudden we would burst out sayin something. the scaring thing would be that what burst out, we both said the exact same thing at the exact same time. ive had this with a few close friends, but it happened damn often with this guy.

what ever, just thought id put this in, mayb u can relate, mayb not...


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."



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OfflineBoo_Radley
OTD - SpiritualLeader

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 319
Loc: Mean Streets
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Dig_a_Pony]
    #4342171 - 06/27/05 09:33 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Dig_a_Pony said:
..Things have become a problem...this is why I reach out to a message board...I'll start rambling, maybe something will make sense.

I feel like I am not truly living. my head isn't in the same clear place as others', as it should be. I'm not learning every moment, thoughts don't come easily to me. Essentially, I feel dead, but not only numb to emotion, but...like I'm failing at life and the picture of death I have at the back of my mind is creeping up on me and I'll die regretting all of the time I took for granted. Youd think that thought could motivate me to live it out, but when I think, I'll regret not living this mo ment to the fullest there's a pause between the thought and reality, my surroundings, where I realize I'm stuck inside of my head.

I could desribe it as introversion gone horribly wrong. When I'm in public, talking to people I don't care about, don't know, the words don't come out right, my mind disconnects from my  body and words come out slow and broken and confused. I'm a scared child.

I'm killing myself...I stay at home and when I go out I'm scared as hell and when I do start to feel an emotional breakthrough around someone I hold it in, becuase it's embarrassing to cry and be mushy, etc.

ANy advice? Could these feeling be caused by events that traumatized me? I don't think they are drug related, as I only tripped once, two years ago, almost three years ago..I have a poor concept of time.

I want to take life seriously and live in reality. Help.




Welcome to the world of Depersonalization Disorder, my friend. It occurs naturally in some people, however, the vast majority of people who have are drug users.

I too wondered wtf it was until I saw a psychologist. He assured me I wasn't psychotic, because I was aware that my condition and thoughts were not reality.

It can be a symptom of HPPD. My advice is to stay away from drugs for awhile, maybe get prescribed some benzos. Clonazepam is the one most commonly used to treat the disorder, due it its long halflife. The non-medical route to recovery is that of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), meditation, and yoga.

Check here for more info:

http://depersonalization.info/overview.html

The important thing is not to think too much about reality, the universe, or how anything exists. The disorder is often self-ruminating, so put your mind on other things, as hard as it might sound, this will help you. Do plenty of self-nurturing activites everytime you're feeling down. I know this sounds stupid, but masterbation will also help ALOT.  :thumbup:

I've been struggling to come to terms with this myself for about two months now. The important thing is to stop using psychedelics for awhile, as well as pot. Do not drink excessively either until you feel comfortable with the disorder. And remember, things WILL get better or you.

Feel free to PM me for any other info.  :sun:


Edited by Boo_Radley (06/27/05 09:34 AM)


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OfflineAaladorn
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Registered: 09/28/02
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Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: MOTH]
    #4342187 - 06/27/05 10:00 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I agree with EllemyshShade. Follow her advice on the socializing and exercise and you should start to feel better.


And the Depersonalization Disorder is, in my opinion, a bunch of crap a psychologist will tell you to get you on some anti-depressants. Anyone who is intelligent and critically thinks about the universe and how vast it is gets the existential woes for a while. Until they get some kind of enlightenment and find their place in the world.

You need to get out of the house and socialize, find some interesting people to interact with, don't worry about your articulation difficulties, it takes practice to be a good speaker.

also, I bet if you found a nice open-minded girlfriend/boyfriend a lot of your problems would fade away.


also also, I like your Bj?rk avatar.


Edited by Aaladorn (06/27/05 10:27 AM)


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OfflineBoo_Radley
OTD - SpiritualLeader

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 319
Loc: Mean Streets
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Aaladorn]
    #4342439 - 06/27/05 11:51 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Aaladorn said:And the Depersonalization Disorder is, in my opinion, a bunch of crap a psychologist will tell you to get you on some anti-depressants. Anyone who is intelligent and critically thinks about the universe and how vast it is gets the existential woes for a while. Until they get some kind of enlightenment and find their place in the world.




Hence why I used "self-ruminating" in my post. The problem is, many peopleonly complain symptoms of depersonalization after experimenting with hallucinogenics.


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InvisibleSinbad
Living TheMoment
Male

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Boo_Radley]
    #4346114 - 06/28/05 08:23 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I agree with you Boo. Many people who use hallucinogenic substances eventually suffer from this disorder to varying degrees. But of course, on a board like the shroomery, its almost blasphemous to speak of hallucinogens causing any kind of psychological problem for anyone, go figure.  :smirk:

Anyway, one of my close friends suffered from this quite badly, so he decided to try going to a tradional yoga class held by a practitioner in a local community hall. He has not only completely recovered from his condition, and is fitter and healthier in both body and mind for doing it. He continues his yoga classes to this day.

But Cog-Therapy is excellent to, if a bit more expensive. Personally im of the opinon that everyone should become thier own therapist, but most people are completely unwilling these days to look at themsleves in the mirror without some sort of filtering middle person like a therapist, its all this ego stuff, but anyways thats just my opinion.

Meditation is probably the best way to go about this. You can pick up many books and tips online. All you gootta do is search google. Anyway, good luck on whatver you choose to do about your situation, it does'nt sound too serious at the moment, but do something about it now before it gets any worse.  Good luck :smile:


--------------------


Edited by Sinbad (06/28/05 11:51 AM)


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
Re: Drifting outside of reality, feeling life slip me by [Re: Sinbad]
    #4348874 - 06/29/05 01:28 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

i also have this sometimes and it seems mainly psychological ( i realize how stupid and evident that sounds)

one thing that bothers me is everytime I think "obvious" or "evident" i don't think either of those words, I think "obvident".... ummm yeah but that isn't really relating to what I'm talking about.

So basically... sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't...it doesn't help that my sleeping schedule is erratic, that I may eat once a day, twice a day, sometimes 3 times a day... that when I"m by myself I don't feel like eating (Until late at night when i get the munchies) or sleeping... or doing anything but reading things on the computer.

Ever since I was little I sometimes felt that I was dreaming... and I sometimes feel it now..... a spiritual interpetation may be that our egos are dying... because I sometimes feel like I'm about to die too, but I know that's ludicrous and that thinking that won't help me stay alive better.

I'm also very introverted... and I do not have much social contact however I am usually not uncomfortable in social situations and know how to "act" like I care... which doesn't mean that I don't care... it just means I stifle my pride and use colloqiualisms and say "shit" a lot to try and fit in with the college demographic... it's not necessarily insincere... but sometimes it feels like it.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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