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InvisibleVeritas
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Radical Honesty
    #4317808 - 06/20/05 06:46 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Is it possible to be too honest?

Where do we draw the line (if at all) between civilized participation in society and complete phoniness?

I get so very tired of "small talk" in my daily life. No one will admit that they are NOT fine, that things are NOT going well, and that work SUCKS. They also will not say that amazing things are going on in their lives. The dial seems stuck on "neutral," and emotions are set to beige.

When I started experimenting with answering the query "How are you" with some degree of honesty, the responses I received were incredible. I found that, when I was authentic, others felt free to respond in kind. I heard so much more about their REAL lives, and began to feel less like a "stranger in a strange land."

What if that is all that it takes: just one person to set it in motion, and then we all start being free to be ourselves?


Edited by Veritas (06/20/05 07:02 PM)


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OfflinePlok
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4317828 - 06/20/05 06:50 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I have often wondered the same thing.  I think there is a balance.  For instance you must take into account that you are not always in the best mood.  Therefore if you've had a rough day and your girlfriend asks you how you like her casserole, you might want to refrain from telling her that it taste like shit, if you feel that way.  Of course there are always multiple ways of saying the same thing though, some of which are much less harmful.

This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George decides to always tell the truth, no matter how harsh.  Didn't quite work out for him... :wink:


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InvisibleRavus
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4317847 - 06/20/05 06:54 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

According to the definition of honesty, you can't actually be "too honest", but you can be honest to the extent that it harms your life.

In normal life, to make it function the best we have to throw some bullshit and sugar-coating in with the honesty. You could just be completely honest, but I can guarantee you many people will be offended, even to the point of assaulting you, you could lose your job and friends, etc. The pure unadultered truth is one of the most dangerous things out there.

However, being open with someone can work out well if that person wants to delve deeper into conversation with you, but I'd say this is on a different line than being completely honest.


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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4317848 - 06/20/05 06:54 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Is it possible to be toohonest?

Absolutely. Better to lie.


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Anxiety is what you make it.


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OfflineGomp
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Plok]
    #4317849 - 06/20/05 06:54 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

impossible IS nothing. :wink:


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Ravus]
    #4317939 - 06/20/05 07:18 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Another question: do you have to say whatever is on your mind in order to be considered honest? What is the line between privacy and dishonesty?


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InvisibleRavus
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4317950 - 06/20/05 07:21 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I don't think straying away from a subject is dishonest, it's simply leaving that area unexplored.

If you have one honest sentence and that's the entire conversation, then you've been honest throughout the conversation. Honesty is simply not lying. Not to mention, who's to say what's on your mind is the truth?


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So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.


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InvisibleDiploidM
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4317964 - 06/20/05 07:25 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I get so very tired of "small talk" in my daily life.

Nice weather, eh?  :sun:


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1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.


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OfflineGomp
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Diploid]
    #4318068 - 06/20/05 07:43 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

lol


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4318079 - 06/20/05 07:45 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

"What is the line between privacy and dishonesty"

The "line" is what you tell people who are truly on a need to know basis (unless the knowing is worse than the need).


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Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Diploid]
    #4318086 - 06/20/05 07:46 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

My favorite (not) is "How's it been going?"


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Invisibleeligal
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4318134 - 06/20/05 08:04 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

hmm... i always reply honestly... when my roomy asks, hows it goin, i might say, "fucked up." or "awsome" or, "same ol same ol"
and with people i dont know, if they ask me what ever, ill tell em, yea man, school sucks, but i gotta do it anyway... or i jsut bought a motorcycle, kicks fuckin ass. or, i got in a fight last night, or hung over, or tired..... i guess it just depends on the people.


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\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

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respect the can."



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OfflineCeeThruMeer
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: eligal]
    #4318174 - 06/20/05 08:19 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Honesty goes hand in hand with discretion. It is up to each of us where we draw our own lines. I always answer small talk (such as How's it going? etc.) with an honest, and sometimes elaborate answer. Usually I can tell if they were really curious or just using a programmed (re)sponse based on their reaction to my answer. My favourite scenario is when they are 40 feet past me by the time I finish answering. :P

I think it would be interesting to experience a world in which saying to your girlfriend "You know what? I don't like this casserole one bit!" would be accepted and not offensive at all, if in fact that is how you felt. What if the total honest opinion or feeling was expected, rather than the usual programmed response or a watered down answer just to please?


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"my old friend told me
to do well always
set your sails, open
ride your waves, flowing
just relax, sober
leave you past, it's over
bind two hands, stronger
my soul waits, forward" - Arjun and Guardians


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Offlinecrunchytoast
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4319069 - 06/21/05 12:54 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

i was thinking about this, how humans are evolved to be honest. think about emotions: emotions appear on our faces; they're involuntary to a large degree. you can hide them but it's really really hard.

why is that? because it's better for you if people know how you're feeling. we're programmed to be part of the human community and we're better off when we are.

i know i like to hide stuff about myself but it's less opinions usually vulnerabilities nowadays and i'd probably be better off if i didn't.

good post as usual veritas.


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InvisibleZero7a1
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4319293 - 06/21/05 01:46 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Honestly radical, radically.. honestly?


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What?


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OfflineDF2K
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: CeeThruMeer]
    #4319488 - 06/21/05 02:42 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

CeeThruMeer said:


I think it would be interesting to experience a world in which saying to your girlfriend "You know what? I don't like this casserole one bit!" would be accepted and not offensive at all, if in fact that is how you felt. What if the total honest opinion or feeling was expected, rather than the usual programmed response or a watered down answer just to please?




you would then have to remove emotions from the eqation


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: DF2K]
    #4319787 - 06/21/05 08:48 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

DF2K said:
Quote:

CeeThruMeer said:


I think it would be interesting to experience a world in which saying to your girlfriend "You know what? I don't like this casserole one bit!" would be accepted and not offensive at all, if in fact that is how you felt. What if the total honest opinion or feeling was expected, rather than the usual programmed response or a watered down answer just to please?




you would then have to remove emotions from the eqation




Tim Leary talks about this in his book The Politics of Ecstacy.  :thumbup: :heart:


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: DF2K]
    #4321300 - 06/21/05 05:39 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

What if your girlfriend, or anyone else you expressed your honest opinion to, took responsibility for their emotions?

If my partner says he does not like something I have cooked, I can choose to take it personally & feel hurt or rejected or judged as a "bad cook," or I can choose to see it as a matter of personal taste & offer him a bowl of cereal for dinner.

If I choose to take it personally, he is not making me upset, I am making myself upset. Emotions are not the problem, but merely a circumstance to which we can strive to choose our response.


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: Veritas]
    #4321314 - 06/21/05 05:44 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

If you are fine and healthy, you can be honest, if you are not fine and something is wrong with you, honesty can be damaging.

For example. If you view some people around yourself as "idiots" or "assholes" , honesty might get you into trouble, but that is your problem because you should heal yourself before going all honest. But if these conflicts are all resolved and you don't feel agression toward those around you, honesty will only benefit you and them.


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I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Radical Honesty [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #4321336 - 06/21/05 05:50 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Hmmm...but what if showing that there is something wrong with you would benefit others? For instance, it could free them to show their own flaws, or warn them that you are not safe to be around.


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