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Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
completed detox
    #4312211 - 06/19/05 12:05 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Lately my life has been heading in the wrong direction. It feels like I'm either gonna end up in jail or on the streets.

The drug addictions to heroin and coke are forcing me to do dumb stuff..
I thought that I could quit using.. i was doing well for a week or so but then I relapsed and have been using even more than ever before.

I was hanging out with my friends a few days ago - the only people that I can really relate to and feel comfortable around. My so called girlfriend was over there also. I left their house for a while and came home to relax, take a shower, etc. Well, when I called back there was no answer. I stopped by and nobody was there. For days I kept trying to get ahold of them and I got nothing.
I ended up calling a local woman's prison and it turns out that the house got raided by police and they took everyone in and locked them up.. That's all I really know so far. The stupid jail wont allow me to speak to or visit them. I feel so sad and lonely.. I would do anything to help my friends. I've gone through great lengths to do things for them before... Now I feel totally helpless. They are in there sick as hell and suffering.
It's amazing that I wasn't there when it happened. For some reason I just felt nervous, crappy, and uncomfortable so I left for a few and planned to come back later. If I was there when all of this went down, I would be in jail also.
I suppose the cops have been scoping that place out for a while. They sell crack and heroin out of that house.. and I've even helped them do it. There were nights where I found myself driving all over town delivering crack to customers. When I think about it, I realize that it's really stupid. I guess the only reason that I went along with it was so I could take hits of crack out of the bags and make money to buy more of it. I don't believe that doing this shit is morally correct. It just seems to take hold and start controlling me.

A couple of days ago, I hooked up with these two people that used to hang out over at the house and smoke crack and stuff.. They steal for a living.
Now there was a time in my life where I stole almost daily, but it had nothing to do with making money or getting drugs. I ended up getting caught and thrown in a holding cell some years ago. They let me off that time, so my record to this day is still clean as a whistle. I swore I would never steal again. I mainly used to just steal from department stores for the "rush". I never stole anything from friends, family, or houses.. just big stores.
Anyways these two offered to give me a percentage of what they make stealing if I just drove them to the stores and waited outside. So I agreed to do it and we hit several stores. They seem to be really good at what they do. There is a guy who will give cash for the stolen goods.
They ended up making several hundred. We hung out the rest of the day and burned every last cent on crack and heroin.
I'm worried that I will get back into stealing after seeing how much that they make every day doing it.
Hopefully I can start making more money working or just try to stop using the drugs again.

I can easily fight the urge for coke. It seems like the only time that I really jones for it is when I use some and the high wears off.
The dope on the other hand is another story. I am totally unable to function at all unless i have it... not a good thing. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like total garbage. My body is sore, I feel so tired and crappy that I can hardly move. This usually goes on until I get some dope or some of my morphine pills.

I just felt like sharing again cause there is really nobody that I have to talk to about this stuff. My good friends are now in prison and I feel stuck, lost, helpless, sad, alone, sick....etc... I ended up in tears a few times thinking about them laying there in the cell in such pain from dope withdrawal.  :mad2: :mad2: :sad: :sad:


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


Edited by eris (06/26/05 04:24 PM)


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OfflineGodspeed
Stranger
Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 258
Loc: God's Basement
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4312838 - 06/19/05 03:24 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

i think once they're out and they talk with you, you'll see things a bit differently.  they're goign to come out clean, how long they in for, a month or two?  if you make it till they get out without being put in the same place they are, maybe they'll help you along to get clean.  or whatever, sounds like you've got something going to get you through your addiction.  driving guys around, getting a cut of the money.  i mean if you don't get wrapped up behind bars, you'll be on it for life, you know?  maybe it'll take another jail visit to get you off.

i know the feeling of addiction, i couldn't even suggest a way to get off, especially if you don't really want to.  withdrawal's shit, morphine withdrawl will last you at least a month.  check yourself into a hospital, they'll give you medication to ease the withdrawl, you know?  take your friends misfortune and utilize it to your advantage.  like you said, you should be in jail with them, and if that was the case, when out, you'd be clean.  so instead of having that shit on your record, do something more healthy and admirable - check yourself in somewhere

i know i sound like a bitch telling you to check yourself in somewhere, i know it's not that easy.  i'm just saying, look where you're going and look where you're friends have gone...  :thumbdown:


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OfflineGodspeed
Stranger
Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 258
Loc: God's Basement
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Godspeed]
    #4312859 - 06/19/05 03:30 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

a month off the streets in a clean environment can't hurt you. rehab places are for the most part real nice. good meals, you'll meet people in the same situation. you'll come out with a whole new outlook. a month or two without looking for a fix gives you a lot of time to clear your head. it's not prison, you can see your friends when they're out and if it gets to be too much, you're not required to stay


Edited by Godspeed (06/19/05 03:31 AM)


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OfflineKalix
'Head

Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 1,504
Last seen: 11 years, 4 days
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Godspeed]
    #4312886 - 06/19/05 03:43 AM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Man.. That's a bad situation.. I will pray for you, I hope you can find some way to kick dope without getting in a lotta trouble. :peace:


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My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Shotgun of Sweet Reason


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Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Godspeed]
    #4313553 - 06/19/05 01:20 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I suppose checking into a detox or rehab might be a good idea.

Right now I owe some money for bills and stuff. I have to make sure that those are paid off before I can really do much of anything.

As for my friends.. I don't know how long they are going to be in jail for but the bail is set to hundreds of thousands i hear! wtf?
I get the feeling that I wont ever see them again. It seems like they are gonna be in for a very long time... more than just a couple of years. :/


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


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Offlinejsb
Stranger
Registered: 04/22/05
Posts: 60
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4313569 - 06/19/05 01:33 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Yes, please check into rehab. At least that way some of us can feel a little safer for a month or so without having to worry about you driving around high on crack, delivering crack, or stealing our stuff.


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InvisibleHeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Male

Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4313722 - 06/19/05 02:55 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Better be careful man, I'd think it would be easy for them to get your license plate... then you'd probably get in a lot of shit.

If you're gonna do it use stolen license plates. :wink:


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InvisibleRavus
Not an EggshellWalker
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/18/03
Posts: 7,991
Loc: Cave of the Patriarchs
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4313731 - 06/19/05 03:01 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

You are extremely lucky man. You should be in there with your friends according to pure probability, yet by luck you left just before the cops raided it? You've been given another chance to live free, and I recommend you pounce on it before you get busted and end up joining them.

If you have the means, rehab or detox would be extremely helpful. Too bad iboga's hard to get, though I hear some Canadian vendors sell it, in which case that'd be extremely helpful for heroin withdrawals.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.


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Offlineeris
underground
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Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Ravus]
    #4313741 - 06/19/05 03:06 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Yea.. thanks a lot for the advice guys.

I just called a detox and got myself in. I'm gonna leave today, in an hour or something and stay there. So I will be gone for a while. Who knows how long.
Well, take care and see ya when I get out. It should be nice to not have to worry about the pain and crap. I'll be able to spend more time doing the things that I like and be able to get back into them.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


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InvisibleStonerguy
I smoke penis
Male

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 5,538
Loc: Lost
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4313747 - 06/19/05 03:09 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

eris said:
Yea.. thanks a lot for the advice guys.

I just called a detox and got myself in. I'm gonna leave today, in an hour or something and stay there. So I will be gone for a while. Who knows how long.
Well, take care and see ya when I get out. It should be nice to not have to worry about the pain and crap. I'll be able to spend more time doing the things that I like and be able to get back into them.




Good thinking man. Going to detox isn't the hard part. After that you will have to sever all ties to anything that will make even want to take 1 more line or another hit. Good luck man you will be in my thoughts.


--------------------
yawn...
SG


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Stonerguy]
    #4314674 - 06/19/05 08:11 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Great job checking yourself in!

I don't know if you read this, but good luck to you. I hope that things work out for the best. You're fucking lucky that you're not with your friends. Turn your life away while you can, you're cuttin it so close.


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When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop


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Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/18/98
Posts: 48,009
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: browndustin]
    #4339426 - 06/26/05 04:43 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I am back home now, after spending like 7 days in a detox.. Went through some pain and sickness.
Right now though I feel strong and energized, without having to worry about how to score my next bag. This is about the best that I have felt since I started using heroin frequently.
I met some new friends in the detox (heroin users like myself) and I got to hang out with them yesterday. We had a good time and without heroin.
There is no desire to use right now. I have a lot of other things to do to keep myself busy. Also looking forward to starting a new job.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4339457 - 06/26/05 05:02 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

stay strong
keep it up


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InvisibleStonerguy
I smoke penis
Male

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 5,538
Loc: Lost
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4340567 - 06/26/05 11:29 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

You are awsome man, keep on going on. Just keep it strong, you are still in my thoughts.


--------------------
yawn...
SG


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InvisibleDark_Star
dick butterfly
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 27,983
Loc: Under the Grecian fog
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: eris]
    #4343697 - 06/27/05 05:26 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

That's awesome man, I'm glad things are looking up for you!  :thumbup:


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InvisibleSuperD
Cacti junky
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/05/03
Posts: 6,648
Loc: The bridgesii bridge
Re: Turning into a criminal [Re: Dark_Star]
    #4347067 - 06/28/05 04:22 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

<<I met some new friends in the detox (heroin users like myself) and I got to hang out with them yesterday. We had a good time and without heroin.
There is no desire to use right now. I have a lot of other things to do to keep myself busy. Also looking forward to starting a new job.>>

Fun without the need for being under the influence of a drug is  :thumbup:  I see your posts in the hunting forum since I browse there often and I had no idea you were going through shit like this..good luck and stay away from smack.  I had a problem with meth for about a year since I met some new people but I've since severed any ties I had with them and couldn't score a bag to save my life.  It's been a while now and I don't even crave for the shit anymore..it's just a matter of being able to stay away from it for a long enough time to forget about it.


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:super:D
Manoa said:
I need to stop spending all my money on plants and take up a cheaper hobby, like heroin. :lol:

Looking for Rauhocereus riosaniensis seeds or live specimen(s), :pm: me if you have any for trade


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