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 gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
 
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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 Christian One Liners 
#4267996 - 06/07/05 01:37 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Found it at another forum. Has some wit and wisdom.
DON'T LET YOUR WORRIES GET THE BEST OF YOU, REMEMBER, MOSES STARTED
OUT AS A BASKET CASE
MANY FOLKS WANT TO SERVE GOD, BUT ONLY AS ADVISERS.
IT IS EASIER TO PREACH TEN SERMONS THAN IT IS TO LIVE ONE.
WHEN YOU GET TO YOUR WIT'S END, YOU'LL FIND GOD LIVES THERE.
QUIT GRIPING ABOUT YOUR CHURCH; IF IT WAS PERFECT, YOU COULDN'T
BELONG.
SOME MINDS ARE LIKE CONCRETE, THOROUGHLY MIXED UP AND PERMANENTLY
SET.
I DON'T KNOW WHY SOME PEOPLE CHANGE CHURCHES; WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT
MAKE WHICH ONE YOU STAY HOME FROM?
A LOT OF CHURCH MEMBERS WHO ARE SINGING "STANDING ON THE PROMISES" ARE JUST SITTING ON THE PREMISES.
WE WERE CALLED TO BE WITNESSES, NOT LAWYERS OR JUDGES.
COINCIDENCE IS WHEN GOD CHOOSES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.
FORBIDDEN FRUITS CREATE MANY JAMS.
GOD DOESN'T CALL THE QUALIFIED, HE QUALIFIES THE CALLED.
GOD LOVES EVERYONE, BUT PROBABLY PREFERS "FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT"
OVER "RELIGIOUS NUTS!"
GOD PROMISES A SAFE LANDING, NOT A CALM PASSAGE.
HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONTROLS YOU!
YOU CAN TELL HOW BIG A PERSON IS BY WHAT IT TAKES TO DISCOURAGE HIM.
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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 Cosmopolitan
Mattachine
Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 386
Last seen: 18 years, 10 months
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A local church always puts up a different slogans like that every week on a lighted sign. Unfortunately, they went too far one night and the catch phrase was a simple "Turn or Burn". It was vandalized and rightly so the next night.
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Yarry Unexpurgated?
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Some of that good old fashioned Reader's Digest type humor/wisdom. 
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Anxiety is what you make it.
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SuperD
Cacti junky
Registered: 10/05/03
Posts: 6,648
Loc: The bridgesii bridge
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Amazing...I was going to post a thread "What's the funniest Christian church sign you've seen?" when I got home. This is exactly what I was thinking of earlier today for some strange reason.
And the latest and greatest I've seen around my area has been "Jesus died for you, will you live for him?" 
I've seen so many that are downright pathetic but I can't recall any at the moment.
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    D
Manoa said:
I need to stop spending all my money on plants and take up a cheaper hobby, like heroin.
Looking for Rauhocereus riosaniensis seeds or live specimen(s),  me if you have any for trade
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roby000
me
Registered: 02/28/05
Posts: 9,189
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 Re: Christian One Liners [Re: SuperD]
#4268154 - 06/07/05 01:58 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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-never never shake a baby- wtf?
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newuser1492
Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 3,104
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I like, "Don't Pray in my school and I Promise I Won't Think in Your Church."
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Some of that good old fashioned Reader's Digest type humor/wisdom.
These two were the funniest to me;
SOME MINDS ARE LIKE CONCRETE, THOROUGHLY MIXED UP AND PERMANENTLY
SET.
I DON'T KNOW WHY SOME PEOPLE CHANGE CHURCHES; WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT
MAKE WHICH ONE YOU STAY HOME FROM?
These two are wise;
HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONTROLS YOU!
YOU CAN TELL HOW BIG A PERSON IS BY WHAT IT TAKES TO DISCOURAGE HIM.
I think cosmos, story should riegn as the funniest church sign-turn or burn. What makes it funny is that its coming from people who preach forgiveness.
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: Christian One Liners [Re: newuser1492]
#4268246 - 06/07/05 02:12 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
cb9fl said:
I like, "Don't Pray in my school and I Promise I Won't Think in Your Church."
That may be the funniest
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONTROLS YOU!
that one was cool, thanks for sharing..
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Disclaimer!?
Edited by Gomp (06/07/05 02:35 PM)
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newjon
Stranger
Registered: 02/12/05
Posts: 120
Last seen: 18 years, 10 months
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some of those, i think, ring with a timeless "truth"
(and this is coming from me, and I don't generally think of myself as particularly religious, not in the standard sense at any rate)
I think the best way to sum it up is:
"seeing" is believing,
and believing is "seeing"
not in a restricted, arbitrary definition of God, which i'm not sure even exists anywhere other than imagination, but in a general, universal consciousness-kinda way. So the object of belief/"seeing" is existence, rather than an arbitrary "God"
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: Christian One Liners [Re: Gomp]
#4268456 - 06/07/05 02:53 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yup. An oldie but a goodie. One the greatest all time quotes to practice and turn your life around in the direction of self mastery.
I think one of the greatest diffusers of anger energy is laughter. Think of how funny ranting red faced tempter tantrums look to watch. How can a person not just start laughing at themselves when they realize they are in one?
Taking yourself or another or a situation that seriously is a joke in itself.
Who decides what is serious business in your life and what is not? You do. In that realisation, you have total control of yourself, not life or others, just yourself and thats a lot, more then enough.
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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Diploid
Cuban
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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YOU CAN TELL HOW BIG A PERSON IS BY WHAT IT TAKES TO DISCOURAGE HIM.
By the size of his shoes too, or so I hear. 
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Republican Values:
1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.
4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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faslimy
Dead Man
Registered: 04/04/04
Posts: 3,436
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: Christian One Liners [Re: Diploid]
#4269371 - 06/07/05 07:30 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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from the pub
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KungFu_Shaman
naive and lovingit
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 191
Loc: noitacaol cihpargoeg
Last seen: 16 years, 22 days
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Jesus walks into a pub and throws a few penny nails down on the counter. He looks at the bartender and says, "Hey, can you put me up for the night?"
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Feel the wrath of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!
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SkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,954
Loc: You can't spell fungus wi...
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Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Jesus walks into a pub and throws a few penny nails down on the counter.
Penny nails? PENNY NAILS?! Go to your local hardware store and then get back to us on this.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Ped
Interested In Your Brain
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 5,494
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Re: Christian One Liners [Re: SuperD]
#4271162 - 06/08/05 10:13 AM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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>> "What's the funniest Christian church sign you've seen?"
I saw one that read "If God had a refridgerator, your picture would be on it."
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 Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace
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