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Registered: 06/02/05
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Last seen: 13 years, 10 days
Psychological Disorder NEED HELP
    #4246695 - 06/02/05 02:57 AM (13 years, 25 days ago)

Before you read, please understand that this is very true and a problem I deal with every day.

About 6 months ago I tripped on shrooms for the second time. I was such a happy person prior to tripping and I always had a high self-esteem. I was able to deal with tramuatizing things fairly easily such as the death of my mother a few years back, moving around every year, so on and so forth. This trip was a disaster and because of it, my life has not been the same since.

I started out the trip like any average one. But after a while, I started to become silent and just observe the things around me. After being into it for a little over an hour, my friends sister whose house we were at knew we were all high (there was about 15 of us) and told us to leave. So we went across town to my other friends house, and on the way there I had to sit in the trunk due to a lack of room. Everything was fine at first, but it is when I got out that shit got fucked up.

Right after we arrived at my friends house, I just stumbled like a drunken idiot. We got into his room and right as we did, I instantly just lay unconscious on the floor, where I remained for the duration of the trip. When I woke up, everybody (there was like 7 of us now, 2 other tripped) was acting all weird to me. I would look at one of my friends, and when he looked back to see if I was looking, he would just look away really quickly. It was dumb shit like that and some other stuff that made me think that maybe for my whole life kids didnt take me seriously. I understand I had a bad trip but this was rediculous.

I have moved to a different state a couple months ago and I really realized that I have a psychological problem. First off, I can never say what I want to say in person, like I could be thinking one thing but the way I say it comes out retarted. In other words, If this was an audio conversation, my describing my problem right now would even sound different. And after I am done having a conversation with someone, I always self evaluate it for some reason. It is ALWAYS on my mind too. The fact that I have this problem on my mind is always on my mind, if you can make sense of that. Even starting from the first second I wake up to when I go to bed. Sometimes I lie in bed for hours because I cant sleep, due to the fact that I think I've gone crazy in some way. It is also a feeling that I have lost my personality completely. This has obviously led to a severe depression. I have not truely smiled, nor have I had one good day in months. It is almost as if every day is the same fucking day. This being said, I have not made friends with a single person since I haved moved, something that has never been a problem with me. Its almost as if others portrayed me to be a bug out, so in turn, that is what I have become. It has caused me to be a non-sociable guy.

I know most of you guys are not doctors or psychologists but at this point I am willing to listen to anything and everything, because I feel as if I can't get any lower. I've thought about suicide lately because I feel as if this is how I will be living for the rest of my life and every day will continue to be the same day for as long as I live. The only thing holding me back is that the thought of suicide before I started tripping was insane. I valued life so much back then and the only thing keeping me here is the hope that I can one day live like I used to, though I doubt it will be so. I hate mushrooms, they are not for me. Please let me know at the very least your opinions, being as how this is one of my last resorts to get better. I greatly appreciate you lending your time.

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: Thedude420]
    #4246720 - 06/02/05 03:08 AM (13 years, 25 days ago)

I'm a student of psychology, but don't have a degree or anything, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

EVERYONE suffers from what you described to one degree or another. EVERYONE replays conversations over and over in their head when they feel they said something incorrectly. I do this ALL the time, and kick myself over it for days sometimes.

You sound like you are suffering from post-traumatic stress related to an intense psychic experience (the trip). Realize that all this is the result of the chemicals you put into your brain, and that the chemicals are gone now, so most of this is in your head.

However, there is always the possibility of the mushrooms' chemicals upsetting the delicate balance of natural chemicals that are in your brain. This is why those who are at risk of psychological disorders are supposed to stay away from psychadelics.

It also sounds like your suffering from Social Anxiety. You are putting too much energy into analyzing yourself under a paranoid microscope while in social situations.

Try to relax, and talk to those you trust.

My first mushroom experience involved about a 3 hour blackout like you described.

The healthiest thing you could do at this point is to start talking regularly to someone you feel open with, or seek professional help. This is especially true if you are thinking of hurting yourself or those around you.

You were, are, and can still be the beautiful being that you want to. It's all up to you! :smile:

much love


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Registered: 02/16/05
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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: Thedude420]
    #4247316 - 06/02/05 10:49 AM (13 years, 25 days ago)

Sorry you feel this way. Nothing you've described sounds very serious (except thoughts about suicide--don't go there.)

Self-absorbtion is a vicious circle. You need to interrupt it. Are there things you enjoy doing that take your mind off yourself? Hiking, exercise, reading, anything artistic?

A real good way to overcome social anxiety is to focus on helping or being of service to others. That shifts the perspective. If your focus is on helping others, (1) you aren't thinking about yourself, and (2) the other person isn't going to be 'evaluating' you.

Another trick: learn to be grateful for and appreciate the things you have. Your health, a sound body. It's great just to be alive!

And don't be reluctant to talk to a counselor.

"We're all in this consciousness-raising business together."
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
"Everyone should eat hashish, but only once." - S. Dali

Edited by wjames (06/02/05 10:50 AM)

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: wjames]
    #4247427 - 06/02/05 11:49 AM (13 years, 25 days ago)

& consider checking out the work of dr abram hoffer per niacinamide...

old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: gnrm23]
    #4247453 - 06/02/05 12:00 PM (13 years, 25 days ago)


I had to sit in the trunk due to a lack of room.

There you go. Perhaps you were not ready for a solitudinous ride in a trunk. You do not go into detail much on why you think it was a bad trip except for you thought nobody took you seriously. ALERT! ALERT!

That is a common bad trip theme. Take it as such. I know it seems ridiculous, but what you had was an intensified emotional experience on mushrooms. And now, you are in the afterglow stages. Since you had a fairly depressing, I guess, time then it is not uncommon to be a little more emotionally effected. If you are depressed then you will feel more depressed. You can be in that zone for a few months or a few days. Just know that the human organism changes from second to second and the second you decide on suicide is the second you will want to pull back. Besides, suicide ends nothing, only a fool thinks suicide is an end, all it does is leave a real mess in the real world. :sun:

What was the size of your dose?

No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

Edited by mecreateme (06/02/05 12:01 PM)

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: gnrm23]
    #4247460 - 06/02/05 12:02 PM (13 years, 25 days ago)

Maybe this should be moved to Physical and Mental Well-Being? I have seen many great advices given there. Not saying that these advices are not good, but there might be more help to get there.

Thedude420: Good luck with sorting things out, and like others said: don't be reluctant to seek professional help.

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: Tadpole]
    #4247534 - 06/02/05 12:30 PM (13 years, 25 days ago)

first of all welcome to the shroomery :heart:
secondly,sorry to hear about your problem.like some others above said,
try to relax.i also think it isn't something too serious.
i sometimes have that thoughts in my head.and start to think how complicated conversations are.
i also suffered a disease for a few months after a serious bad trip.
mine was ocd.

i believe you'll be fine soon.
all the positive vibes to your way

edit:like tadpole said could be moved to mental well being

lucidal expansion

Edited by butterflydawn (06/02/05 12:33 PM)

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: butterflydawn]
    #4247801 - 06/02/05 01:58 PM (13 years, 25 days ago)

hey man i sympathise completely. i went through a very similar stage not so long ago; it took a couple of bad acid trips, then every second of every day i was overanalysing myself and my mental well-being to the point where i truely felt like i had lost it.

working 8 hours a day in a factory only gave me too much thinking time and too little self worth to deal with it and i took a week off to get some good rest and it worked as charm. just as if the last few months were one long bad trip, i rested up and felt a clarity like never before take over.

that's all i could recommend: rest. if it helps to put anything in perspective, it sounds like you had the typical bad shroom trip - you're not crazy, it could happen to anyone!



what i'm listening to: http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/ajnachakra/

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Re: Psychological Disorder NEED HELP [Re: Thedude420]
    #4247816 - 06/02/05 02:01 PM (13 years, 25 days ago)

...sending you PM now.  :heart:

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