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Paw Paw DBK ...

Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 1,378
Ode to Lamblancer...
    #4221452 - 05/26/05 06:29 AM (13 years, 4 days ago)

A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. joe (the main character in the central scrutinizers special presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulat

Of garage-band husbandry.

Central scrutinizer:

We take you now, to a garage, in canoga park.

Frank zappa:

(it makes its own sauce...)


It wasnt very large

There was just enough room to cram the drums

In the corner over by the dodge

It was a fifty-four

With a mashed up door

And a cheesy little amp

With a sign on the front said "fender champ"

And a second hand guitar

It was a stratocaster with a whammy bar

At this point, larry (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called toad-o) joins in the song...


We could jam in joes garage

His mama was screamin

His dad was mad

We was playin the same old song

In the afternoon n sometimes we would

Play it all night long

It was all we knew, n easy too

So we wouldnt get it wrong

All we did was bend the string like...


Down in joes garage

We didnt have no dope or lsd

But a coupla quartsa beer

Would fix it so the intonation

Would not offend yer ear

And the same old chords goin over n over

Became a symphony

We would play it again n again n again

cause it sounded good to me

One more time!

We could jam in joes garage

His mama was screamin,

"turn it down!"

We was playing the same old song

In the afternoon n sometimes we would

Play it all night long

It was all we knew, and easy too

So we wouldnt get it wrong

Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good

We talked about keepin the band together

n we figured that we should

cause about this time we was gettin the eye

From the girls in the neighborhood

Theyd all come over n dance around


Twenty teen-age girls dash

In and go stomp-clap,


So we picked out a stupid name

Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks

n we was on our way to fame

Got matching suits n beatle boots

n a sign on the back of the car

n we was ready to work in a go-go bar

One two three four

Lets see if you got some more!

People seemed to like our song

They got up n danced n made a lotta noise

An it wasnt fore very long

A guy from a company we cant name

Said we oughta take his pen

n sign on the line for a real good time

But he didnt tell us when

These "good times" would be somethin

That was really happenin

So the band broke up

An it looks like

We will never play again...


Guess you only get one chance in life

To play a song that goes like...

(and, as the band plays their little song,

Mrs. borg (who keeps her son sy,

In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)

Screams out the window...

Mrs. borg:

Turn it down!

Turn it down!

I have children sleeping here...

Dont you boys know any nice songs?


(speculating on the future)

Well the years was rollin by, yeah

Heavy metal n glitter rock

Had caught the public eye, yeah

Snotty boys with lipstick on

Was really flyin high, yeah

n then they got that disco thing

n new wave came along

n all of a sudden I thought the time

Had come for that old song

We used to play in "joes garage"

And if I am not wrong

You will soon be dancin to...

Central scrutinizer:

The white zone is

For loading and

Unloading only. if you

Gotta load or unload,

Go to the white

Zone. youll love it...


Well the years was rollin by (etc.)...

Mrs. borg:

Im calling the police!

I did it! theyll be here...shortly!

Officer butzis:

This is the police...

Mrs. borg:

Im not joking around anymore

Officer butzis:

We have the garage surrounded

If you give yourself up

We will not harm you

Or hurt you neither

Mrs. borg:

Youll see them

Officer butzis:

This is the police

Mrs. borg:

There they are, theyre coming!

Officer butzis:

Give yourself up

We will not harm you

Mrs. borg:

Listen to that mess, would you?

Officer butzis:

This is the police

Give yourself up

We have the garage surrounded

Mrs. borg:

Everday this goes on around here!

Officer butzis:

We will not harm you, or maim you

(swat team 4, move in!)

Mrs. borg:

He used cut my grass...

He was very nice boy...

Thats disgusting!!

Central scrutinizer:

This is the central scrutinizer...

That was joes first confrontation with the law.

Naturally, we were easy on him.

One of our friendly counselors gave him

A do-nut...and told him to

Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.


I just want full access damnit
Rono he hate me...
I'm going to be reading every post that you make...and anything that even remotely offends me is going to get your ass banned. How you like 'dem apples asshole?

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