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InvisiblePjS
Jack Of AllDongs

Registered: 12/19/99
Posts: 3,485
Loc: gototheshow dot com
This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises].
    #4208244 - 05/22/05 11:41 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

you probably shouldn't read this, unless you're really sure.

so this morning ca. 830am, reading "the ninja"

[
dad used to read that book to me when i was little, but i don't really remember anything about it, i feel like an ungrateful ass about things like that. cool things he did. but i was very little back then so it's hard to remember things, my brain, my memory isn't too great you see? i suspect i wasn't so well-treated when i was an embryo but shit happens, right? actually it's more than a suspicion but whatever. let's not point fingers. hitler killed six million jews. like, that one time, i was passed out drunk on the bathroom floor, in my birthday suit, and he brought me to bed. (mine, no homo). i'm not sure if i ever thanked him for doing that, i probably should, but i'd rather not remember that unfortunate episode. technically speaking, i don't anyways. my american exchange student friend mark once was passed out on the very same floor, while i was sleeping (again, drunk and naked) on the couch, dad was in thailand at that time. a bottle of vodka and a drinking game and "last man standing" were involved. no gay stuff, he assured me. but i remember that we were hitting each other on the heads with these red light metal stools. one of the last things i remember. then, i confessed that i liked "anastacia" (that disney movie). from then on it's not even a blur anymore, just a total blackout until i was woken up and subjected to a scene i'd rather not subject you to, because it's fucking gross. take my word for it. anyways, dad is cool.
]

i got a hardon and had to take care of it, i don't remember the book being that raunchy but i already explained, if you were paying attention, that my memory is fuzzy about many things. maybe dad (who is cool) just left those parts out. we aren't comfortable about sexuality. after i drained myself, i started feeling sleepy (943am right now) and tried to get back to sleep (i woke up at 5am, which was not ideal at all, since i originally had planned to get up at 230 to watch suns-spurs but i can't hear the damn low-volume alarm at those ungodly times, so i only caught the last minute and a half of the game! maybe i'll catch the replay sometime in the afternoon BUT THE SCHEDULE HASN'T BEEN UPDATED YET SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE ON.) but i was too distracted/untired to sleep so i started thinking about stuff which always is a pretty bad idea. okay, here goes: do you ever try to.. anthromorphise (i am not sure if that is the right spelling or even the right word but i remember HB's signature about it being a bad idea to anthromorphise your mushrooms and i looked up the word because english isn't exactly my first language or even my second and from what i remember (fuzzy memory, of course), it's appropriate) your sperm? like, i was imagining my nuts and whereever all the jerksauce builds up as a giant underground complex, a chinese coal mine perhaps, or a vast bunker like in day of the dead (i want to comment about so many things right now, like the day of the dead but i am trying very hard to maintain a readable structure here and failing equally hard, it will have to come later.), i don't remember, was that a missile silo? probably. anyways, here's a conversation that might have happened down there. one sperm is named jamaal tinsley and abbreviated JT, the others are just numbered sperm, SP1 SP2 SPn etc. i'm not sure how many there will be because i am quite obviously making this up as i go along, bear with me.

[dialogue]

JT: i'm scared. my foot hurts.
SP1: don't worry jamaal, this happens from time to time
JT: what's happening?
SP2: we aren't sure, it's some kind pre-fleshquake tremor i guess.
JT: WHAT? DON'T SPERM JUST DISAPPEAR DURING THESE?
SP1: yeah
JT: MOMMY!!!!!
SP2: look you'll just have to hold on tight to the walls here, make sure you're wearing gloves.
JT: alright

a short while later, alarms are going off, klaxons blaring, red lights flashing everwhere:

JT: these are some hard-ass tremors.
SP3: [from the background] FLOOD!
JT: MOMMY!!!!!
SP1&2: [in unison] CLOSE YOUR EYES, FAGGOT
JT: AAAHHH

JT gets swept away by a torrent of seminal fluid. red lights break. he is taking the WILD WILD jizz ride. SUDDENLY!!! THE PUBICOCCUS MUSCLE!!! STAMPEDE LIKE AT A CHINESE CYBERCAFE FIRE!!! MASS DEATHS OF STUPID FUCKING SPERM WHO JUST COULDN'T AND WOULDN'T HOLD ON!!!

JT: MOMMY!!!!!
SP6: NNNGH. MOVE YOU STUPID JIZZBUGS. I CAN'T BREATHE.
(normally sperm can't breathe but i am taking wild liberties here. they can't talk either. i felt like i had to point out that i know this stuff, so i don't get called out on it)

fortunately, i released the pressure before JT died. he is rushing through my urethra and approaching the daylight at high velocity.

JT: WEEEE!!!! MOMMY!!!!!

spurt, spurt, spurt

the light at the end of the tunnel was a kleenex. JT is dribbling down my glistening glans wondering what it all means and freezing his flagella off. he does not know this, but he doesn't have long to live, and what a miserable death it will be. like... fish in a drying pond somewhere in africa, on a discovery channel show about the "circle of life" or some bullshit like that. go at least collect those fish and feed them to the starving negros. assholes.

JT is probably just lying back, staring in amazement at the outside world he never knew existed, at my face, at my fat gut, my pubic hair, my hand still fondling my now half-limp prick. still dribbling a bit.

then i cleaned it all up, scrunched up the kleenex and tossed it to the side of the bed. jamaal tinsley is still lying there, probably dead by now, it's been nearly two hours. at least his foot won't bother him no mo'. but i only started thinking about him after his fate was pretty much sealed. it's weird. do executioners ever feel like this?



see i wanted to write more than this but now i've been doing this for an hour straight and i feel like it could take four, five hours and i am so not up to that. i might continue this the next time i feel the urge. like, in half a year probably. i feel much better now though. it would bore you, anyways. sorry for wasting your time, i am just a piece of shit.

this is just a shout out to my homies all over the world, missing and possibly DONE, and the ones i am avoiding for reasons i don't really understand yet. this thing here has a 10% chance of containing a secret message. the espn/star sports schedule still hasn't been updated. pricks.


--------------------
**************

(Ped) Slavery leads to rebellion which leads to liquor store robberies, rap and hip-hop



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OfflinePhychotron
Crazy Mofo
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 9,089
Loc: In A Forest Of Colossal F...
Last seen: 3 days, 6 hours
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: PjS]
    #4208266 - 05/22/05 11:47 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

yea, i dont wanna read that... can you sum it up in like, 2 sentances?


--------------------
On a mission to prove that the truth gets you no where.
They tried the truth, It didn't work. Then they wrote the bible. 

Only the foolish fear the inevitable.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 78,761
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: Phychotron]
    #4208286 - 05/22/05 11:52 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Phychotron said:
yea, i dont wanna read that... can you sum it up in like, 2 sentances?




Here.....

Do not read that post. It sucks.


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Invisibleroby000
me
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/28/05
Posts: 9,189
Loc: nazi poland
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: Phychotron]
    #4208288 - 05/22/05 11:53 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

sperm survive for 72 hours outside the human body i read that somewhere... but not in the ninja.


--------------------
 


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OfflineTrainwreck
No. Really.

Registered: 12/22/04
Posts: 3,563
Loc: Southern California
Last seen: 4 months, 21 days
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: roby000]
    #4208345 - 05/23/05 12:08 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

:wtf:


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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: Phychotron]
    #4208811 - 05/23/05 03:01 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

first person story of some guy's sperm.

I only read like 2 sentences though, if you can call them that.


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InvisiblePjS
Jack Of AllDongs

Registered: 12/19/99
Posts: 3,485
Loc: gototheshow dot com
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: fearfect]
    #4209403 - 05/23/05 11:04 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah I totally jerked off. Heil Hitler.


--------------------
**************

(Ped) Slavery leads to rebellion which leads to liquor store robberies, rap and hip-hop



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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: PjS]
    #4209739 - 05/23/05 01:30 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I liked the personification of the sperm.


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OfflineniCCa
BwaBwaHan
Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 219
Loc: Earth temporarily
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: adrug]
    #4209937 - 05/23/05 02:34 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Rare masterpiece.Excellent.It rules.4lyfe. \m/


--------------------
Heaveno...CU CU CU CU CU in the Highway...Peace


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OfflineoDin
Registered: 08/13/99
Posts: 5,789
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: PjS]
    #4210413 - 05/23/05 04:25 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

hey PJ <3 you man..no homo stuff


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OfflineboOM
Female User Gallery

Registered: 06/26/99
Posts: 5,355
Last seen: 1 day, 8 hours
Re: This is not a drill. THIS is a drill [drill noises]. [Re: PjS]
    #4210441 - 05/23/05 04:34 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

you need to write continuation...saatana...

yeah you're probably right, might have been abused while you were in the womb...you're half finnish and i'm 100% certain all finnish women booze it up during pregnancy


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