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Offlinesteve78
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Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 27
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
so last night i tripped for the first time
    #4204600 - 05/21/05 09:49 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

on my home made z strain off of brf cakes, alone.

it started last night around 7:30 PM, my parents are gone for the weekend camping and it had just started raining (maybe another bad idea) and these were ready to be eaten. i didn't have a scale but i wanted to trip so i used a coat hanger and balanced out a bag to the equivelent of a penny which would be around 2 grams (bad idea, i think i did much more, or atleast these were potent as shit). 15 minutes later something hit me and i guess my instict at first was to reject it, but i remembered to accept it, so i just relaxed and continued listenined to mum.

a few minutes later i started the getting the giggles and couldn't stop laughing and thought i was in for a good ride, i was wrong. i don't remember exactly when it happened but i'm sure it was right after that i started to panic, and as much as i tried to welcome all feelings, i just couldn't. i started walking around, i couldn't get comfortable and i felt extreme fear. no matter what i did i wasn't comfortable, i felt extremely depersonalized and alone. i had strong guilt for my parents and my animals. i felt so detached from everything and especially them. i then walked outside because everyone said nature was a great place to trip, but it did nothing. i continued walking around not being able to get comfortable, still scared, i went to the bathroom and tried to vomit, i failed at that. i am a musician and thought that playing guitar would be good, but i had absolutely no
interest in playing music whatsoever, and this made me extremely depressed which made things worse.

next i talked to my ex gf online, and asked if she could call me. she must have thought i was out of my mind considering we hadn't talked in months. she said she would. now at this point i'm feeling intense time distortion and it just felt like no time had gone by, so instead of waiting for the call, i called her. went i heard her voice, it didn't help but i still tried to talk to her. she couldn't understand what i was feeling, and no matter what she said it didn't help one bit, and her negative vibes towards me made me hang up the phone. after that she called back because she was worried about me, it took me 5 minutes just to find the phone again and the ringing was coming from everywhere inside my house like surround sound. i answered the phone and contiued to talk for a bit, but the more i talked to her the more intense it got so i hung up on her and left the phone off the hook. all that was going through my mind were intense feeling of how pathetic i am. all i wanted to do was return to my normal state of mind and feel content with myself being sober.

i then walked into my room, changed the music, turned off the lights and layed down. no matter what i stared at it just intense morphing of shapes and colors. i started to feel euphoric and was amazed at how i could go from such brilliant fear and paranoia to this blissful feeling. i wanted my animals to enjoy it with me so i brought them into my room with me (2 cats and 4 dogs). i felt that they deserved a treat so i fead them bones and pounce. after a bit of just laying back listening to music the animals had all left except for my one cat. we just sat there staring at each other and i watched as his head morphed into different things, and i kept thinking to myself that i should be scared, but watching him morph was just amazing and i felt attatched to him.

at this point i was able to feel complete relaxation, but at the same time i knew that a single negative thought would throw me into another state of fear which i absolutely did not want to feel.

i then layed down and let myself wonder, and listened to music, all while just petting my cat. i was content with everything and everyone.

the whole experience made me feel as though i was alone in another dimension into which nothing made sense, i felt dead, but at the same time i was afraid of dying. nothing was real, but at the same time everything was real. everything had a purpose, and thinking about real life it seemed as though it had no real purpose.

today i have felt very depressed and not myself. i still feel sort of detached from things, sort of like this life is new to me. as i am writing this i feel i have lost who i use to be, and wish i could be that person again. maybe this is normal, maybe it is not and i will have to cope with this new feeling.

i don't know if or when i will do this again, i don't know if the intense fear is worth it. maybe i ate too much, but i felt completely detached from everything.

i wish i could remember more, but there was such intense memory loss.


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Invisiblemecreateme
YoUisMEEMsiUoY
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Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 2,727
Loc: Memphrica
Re: so last night i tripped for the first time [Re: steve78]
    #4204628 - 05/21/05 10:04 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

You had a strong experience. Do not fret, a disassociative effect is common sometimes. Also do not be scared that the you is lost. I think what you found out is there is not a thing that is concretely you, like something inside of you that is the essence of you. But rest in the fact that you are everything, having the experience of itself. The thing you thought of as yourself is merely the result of chance, why would you want to hold on to that? Would you not rather create your own reality?

How can something such as a mushroom take away your combined experiences and things that brought you to what you are. It can't and to think so is foolish.

You are simply dealing with your trip, it did not look to go the smoothest but it looked like it ended on a positive note. Experiences contain both good and bad, that is the way of the universe.


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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Offlineryanvergel
qdbpqdbp
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Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 518
Last seen: 4 years, 28 days
Re: so last night i tripped for the first time [Re: mecreateme]
    #4204643 - 05/21/05 10:10 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

I've known ALOT of people who have bad experiences their first time, but that's fine. i had one, in fact, on alot more shrooms than you ate =P

Luckilly, I still continued to do shrooms and now have alot of control over myself and my trips. Like mec said, don't fret. And next time, have a safety if you're doing it for the first time.


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So it goes.


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Offlinesteve78
Stranger
Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 27
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: so last night i tripped for the first time [Re: mecreateme]
    #4204651 - 05/21/05 10:13 PM (11 years, 6 months ago)

one positive thing that has come from this is i do indeed feel more liberated to expand on what i want to do or who i want to be. i guess i use to feel trapped. i've read that some do become depressed on certain topics after a trip, but to not dwell on it and to treat it as a crutch to help you manage your life.


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Offlinehempknight
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Registered: 05/18/05
Posts: 267
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: so last night i tripped for the first time [Re: steve78]
    #4205510 - 05/22/05 02:19 AM (11 years, 6 months ago)

first time i took shrooms was a little like that.. well the beginning was ALOT like that, 7 hour bad trip.. but driving was a blast, it was like flying.. anyways, i didnt do shrooms for another year and now i wont do any more than 1.2 at a time.


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