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OfflineVulture
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4193993 - 05/19/05 02:00 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

my GF has a mentality like this. she loves me....but she also develops love for others...she lets me know..and it drives me crazy...i hate it...im jelous as hell. its not like she sleeps with them or anything....it just the fact that she can have feelings for someone else when all i want is her...har to deal with.


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Work like you dont need the money.

Love like you never been hurt.

Dance like nobody is watching.


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Vulture]
    #4194015 - 05/19/05 02:13 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

:shrug: nothing wrong with love for others, I don't necessarily think it's an issue of possessiveness as it it is of respect for an individual.

It's like being raised by a commune of adults, versus being raised by 2 parents. You are naturally more inclined to place a greater emphasis, and a deeper level of respect on your relationship with your parents, as their is a limitation on them, where in the other scenario it isn't limited.

I brought something like this up in a thread in the past, how we love to place emphasis on that which is unique and limited, despite it's actual value; where the typical scenario is that the more limited something is, the more prized it is. I think in an odd way the monogamous relationship is the same in way of it being more valued through its imposed limitation.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194056 - 05/19/05 02:36 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

so ped...if one of your gf's likes another guy, while you allow him to join the group?


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.


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Offlinecrackwhorebob
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: kaiowas]
    #4194081 - 05/19/05 02:51 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Why destroy the relationships? This scenario can lead to lasting mental anguish for all parties in question. You are seperated from beasts by your ability to distinguish which partners to carry your life on with, that would be most healthy to your overall growth. Please don't fall into this terrible trap that your instincts have laid for you. Just going with what feels right will not be good for you. Only you can come to this ultimate reality.


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I am the American dream.


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OfflineNomad
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194215 - 05/19/05 04:43 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

So I'm in favor of polygamy, too, just like almost everyone else in this thread.

But am I correct in my observation that we are all male?


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Nomad]
    #4194522 - 05/19/05 08:16 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Polygamy sounds good until you realize that in a divorce you will only get -

Two wives = 33.33% of your money and property
Three wives = 25%
Four wives = 20%
Five wives = you would be dead from the ordeal, they each get 25%


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Nomad]
    #4194572 - 05/19/05 08:42 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Nomad said:
So I'm in favor of polygamy, too, just like almost everyone else in this thread.

But am I correct in my observation that we are all male?




Haha.. very valid point.

Here's my take on it: I'd love it if I was raised in an environment that didn't instill a sense of monogamy into me. I think polygamy can be very healthy if done right.

However, I'm also realistic about it. I KNOW that I'm thinking it through one-sided, and that I was raised in a way that makes it almost impossible for me to fully embrace the concept.

To put it simply: Nice idea in concept, but what about when the girl in your established monogamous relationship wants you to share her with another dude? Many would see it in a different light with the tables turned.

It could work, theoretically, if the relationship starts out polyamorous... but even then, we would feel a need to set borders outside of whatever group we start with. I think that any expansion after the fact would have a very high likelihood of making atleast one person involved uncomfortable.

But perhaps my interpretation of the meaning of polygamy is a little off. Are we talking about an open relationship, or are we talking about a closed relationship that is established with multiple partners?

I think there's a world of difference between the two... I think the latter has much more potential.


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OfflineDoom
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194587 - 05/19/05 08:47 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Ped said:
Recently I've found myself involved in a universally consenting bigamous relationship with two women. What are the moral ramifications of this? Previously I'd not have thought it possible to be in a loving relationship with more than one woman. But, much to my own surprise, I can say that my feelings for either woman are genuine and healthy, and are not based on sexual attraction alone, or on the obviously egoistic connotations of having two girlfriends. It does not seem as though my affection for one woman undermines that had for the other.

I am being naive? Is this too good to be true? Does anyone else have experience with this? Is there a contradiction between this choice of lifestyle and my choice of religion? Why is monogamy the culturally sanctioned standard? Why has our culture rejected polygamy? Feedback please!




are they both really sexxy? because if you are fucking a couple of ugly broads, then you are wasting your life. How you feel in this situation is irrelevant, what matters is how they feel. If they dont know about each other than you are just a dirt dog, and therefore this thread is an obscene expression of a hippy who ain't got the balls to pimp out his bitches. If they do know about each other and don't care, then I suggest getting them drunk and stoned and videotape yourself doing a three-way so you can somehow profit capital from this situation.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4194617 - 05/19/05 08:57 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

"Are we talking about an open relationship, or are we talking about a closed relationship that is established with multiple partners?"

My impression is that most polygamous relationships have the male with one female and alternating nights.

In the case of one "Big Al" down in Australia, he had about 10 wives and a whole bunch of kids all in one big happy family. They lived by the river soaking off the government welfare. The women eventually got tired of Big Al being tired after all that sex. To have sex with each woman twice a week meant Al had to have sex 3 times a day. Al just wasn't "up" to the task.

Plus, the women then found out that they could have sex with each other, and it was more fun than with Big Al. They also discovered they could still soak the government for welfare even with no Big Al, so they moved out.

But I digress.

I am assuming by closed relationship, that you mean the guy sleeps with one woman one night in a closed room, and the other woman or women on alternating nights in a closed room. What about all sleeping together? I don't think it happens much in polygamous situations. I do think the guy is entitled to keep looking and obviously if wife number 3 is 18 and hot as hell well that could be cause for catfights with wives 1 and 2.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (05/19/05 09:08 AM)


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #4194663 - 05/19/05 09:19 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

No, what I meant by closed relationship was more like limitations on what's considered acceptable.

Ex: A closed relationship with multiple partners would be an arranged group... say 1 male and 2 females... but there would be an agreement amongst them not to sleep with anyone outside of that group.

An open relationship, on the other hand, means freedom for both partners in a relationship to have sex with whoever they want. This may or may not involve group acts... but one would assume that group sexual acts would be perfectly acceptable since there are no qualms being had about promiscuity by either "partner".


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4194691 - 05/19/05 09:27 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

"have sex with whoever they want"

God I miss the 70s.... :frown:

I suspect that in today's world as in past polygamous situations, it was up to the male, he picked the women, one by one until it reached critical mass (ass?).  The women aren't out looking, they are controlled in their little harem. 

As for closed relationships which I believe to be largely the case with polygamous relationships (implying wives), does the guy have sex with one wife at a time or with both (all three?) wives at the same time?  What are the percentages?


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (05/19/05 09:48 AM)


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #4194736 - 05/19/05 09:41 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

LunarEclipse said:
Polygamy sounds good until you realize that in a divorce you will only get -

Two wives = 33.33% of your money and property
Three wives = 25%
Four wives = 20%
Five wives = you would be dead from the ordeal, they each get 25%



I say if anyone's crazy enough to want more than one wife, let him.


--------------------


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194783 - 05/19/05 09:53 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Calling all Peds! What say ye?


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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OfflineAdviapacis
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194817 - 05/19/05 10:05 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

As long as the women don't
nag,
rifle through your wallet,
try to change your wardrobe,
tell you what to eat,
stick around when they're PMSing,
pester you for jewelry,
keep yammering when they're wrong,
tell you how to drive from a passenger position,
demand that you read their minds when their upset,
talk when you're trying to read,
put your tools back someplace other than where they got them,
insist on the last word,
keep reminding you of past mistakes to which you've admitted,
and spit when they should swallow
you should be alright.


--------------------
Respect my authority!


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OfflinePed
Interested In Your Brain
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4194843 - 05/19/05 10:13 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

For the record, both women are aware of eachother and, as far as I know, are accepting and even pleased with eachother's involvement.  I should also clarify that our ages are 21, 22 and 29, myself being the youngest.  I should also mention that there is a child in the mix as well, age 2.

Before you all get started with your "Ped"ophile jokes, let me clarify that the child is not involved either romantically or sexually, and that any such interpretation of the child's involvement is a misconception.  The child is the most-recently arriving woman's two year-old son, and the concern has to do with his upbringing.  For him to grow up with two mothers and one father: how will this affect the child's views on sex and sexuality?  In the world, he will receive cultural messages promoting monogamy and male dominance, but at home he will witness a much different paradigm.  What can be done to protect the poor kid from potentially destructive confusion?


>> so ped...if one of your gf's likes another guy, while you allow him to join the group?

>> Nice idea in concept, but what about when the girl in your established monogamous relationship wants you to share her with another dude?

What a startling question.  To be entirely honest, if either of them entered into a relationship with another man, even if they were entirely honest with myself and the other woman about it, I would find that difficult to deal with.  Although with this relationship I've broken the constraints of traditional monogamy, it seems that I've not broken the constraints of possessiveness that are usually associated with it.  There is a contradiction there.  Possessive feelings undermine loving feelings in monogamous relationships: it follows that possessive feelings would have even more dangerous ramifications if had in a polygamous relationship.  Thank you for this.


>> Are we talking about an open relationship, or are we talking about a closed relationship that is established with multiple partners?

As far as I know, those parameters have not been defined.  When she entered into the relationship, however, the more-recently arriving woman did mention that although she's happy and comfortable with my other girlfriend's involvement in our relationship, she is interested in a sense of commitment to it and would therefore not be interested in other men or women concomittantly.

I don't suppose there is a contradiction between a closed polygamous relationship and an open polygamous relationship, as long as all parties agree to the same parameters.  What's dangerous, though, are feelings of ownership and jealousy.


>> how can you confirm that to yourself? [how can I confirm that my feelings for either woman are genuine and healthy, and not based on sexual or egoistic ambitions]

I suppose I can't.  However, I know that such motivations are harmful and selfish, and that if allowed to contaminate a relationship, they will choke it like weeds choke a flower.  Since I know that I don't want to see anybody get hurt, and since I know that those bad motivations would lead to hurt, I'm making every effort to guard against those contaminated motivations and therefore my intentions are as pure as they can be at this stage.


>> Why destroy the relationships? This scenario can lead to lasting mental anguish for all parties in question. You are seperated from beasts by your ability to distinguish which partners to carry your life on with, that would be most healthy to your overall growth. Please don't fall into this terrible trap that your instincts have laid for you. Just going with what feels right will not be good for you. Only you can come to this ultimate reality.

Why do you feel that this is a trap, that my instincts have betrayed me into a coming anguish?  I understand that the "do what feels good" philosophy is selfish, ignorant and destructive, and that's precisely why I've started this thread.  I want to be sure that I've looked at this situation from all possible angles, and that my motivation is absolutely pure.


>> are they both really sexxy? because if you are fucking a couple of ugly broads, then you are wasting your life. How you feel in this situation is irrelevant, what matters is how they feel. If they dont know about each other than you are just a dirt dog, and therefore this thread is an obscene expression of a hippy who ain't got the balls to pimp out his bitches. If they do know about each other and don't care, then I suggest getting them drunk and stoned and videotape yourself doing a three-way so you can somehow profit capital from this situation.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4194981 - 05/19/05 10:56 AM (18 years, 8 months ago)

"What can be done to protect the poor child from potentially destructive confusion?"

No contact with the outside world. No TV, newspapers or radio. Home schooling. A kinder, gentler place with three loving parents.

Don't be surprised when the "poor kid" has trouble adjusting to (or can't wait to live in) the real world.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (05/19/05 11:00 AM)


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OfflinePed
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #4196319 - 05/19/05 03:25 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Oh.. kay...


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: Ped]
    #4196325 - 05/19/05 03:27 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

I think what Lunar was trying to subtly suggest is that you cannot protect any child from potentially destructive confusion. It abounds in every expanse of the world our children are being brought into.


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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4196412 - 05/19/05 03:44 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

That's how I read his reply too.

Ped........how many children grow with a traditional mother and father and see no love, consideration, or respect?

I don't think it matters much how many adults in what sort of relationship are setting the examples. I think what matters most is what examples are being set.

Children thrive in loving, considerate and respectful environments.

Just consider that his moms "new love" can be very consuming as all new loves are for a "spell" of time. I would just make sure he is getting at least the same amount of love affection and attention from her as he did before you came along.

I would also include him in on some dates to the park, to the zoo, and for ice cream so he can share in the love and joy his mom found with you and not see you as a threat to taking his mommy away.

That matters most and even his seeing you can share in love with a handful in a considerate, constructive, and respectful way can only lead to his maybe learning not to be so freakin possessive when he grows up.

Don't let the kid see your hypocrisy with not being so freely allowing of the two women to be as free with others as you are with them. I'm not saying hide it from him, I am saying, become that ideal or else he will grow to see women as something that are owned by men.

Maybe this is just one of life's challenges for you to overcome possessiveness.


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: Monogamy & Polygamy [Re: gettinjiggywithit]
    #4196437 - 05/19/05 03:47 PM (18 years, 8 months ago)

Good words.  :heart:  :smile:


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