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Different mushrooms grow in a wide range of weights. People don't decide on eating '3 mushrooms' because the weight of 3 mushrooms could vary a lot, which means there would mean not all mushrooms contain the same amount of psilocybin.
Stems and caps are of the same potency.
Do some reading on the subject before you take mushrooms.
Caps/stems have arguably the same potency(theres alot of debate, but just assume they're equal).
If you have had alot of experience with psychadelics, you should be fine with 2+ grams. I've seen alot of people brand new take more than 3 grams and have bad trips.
If you're in a comfortable environment, are confident and mentally happy/stable, and ready, you can take 3 grams or more, otherwise, take it easy and start off with like 1-2 grams dried, and build up from there.