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egghead1
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Healing Communication
#4162003 - 05/11/05 01:40 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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People are other people's biggest problem. Think of the numbers of people you have to deal with every day at home and work: husbands, wives, children, parents, relatives, friends and lovers, colleagues, employees and bosses, trades people, spiritual advisers and other mentors, not to mention the man on the street.
The heart of a successful relationship is good communication. Everyone wonders what makes other people tick, what they're thinking about and how they can change it. But, so often, we expend huge energy trying to communicate and end up with little to show for it.
The most common kind of problem is communicating clearly, and dealing with difficult situations or people. The Tibetans discovered a simple way to heal poor communication, and to establish trust, power and spiritual abundance. it is this: sometimes you have to get tough, other times you have to be gentle, and others you have to be neutral. Of course, you have to know how to be at the appropriate time, and you can do this by developing a very simple mental skill, which quickly can become part of your everyday thinking. it goes like this.
When you are in a meeting or any other situation with other people. listen to them actively. In your mind, direct your mental energy into the words that they speak and you will find that you can see - behind their language - the truth of what they are really saying.
Once you hear the truth behind their words, you know how you should act, whether it is to be tough, neutral or gentle. This helps prevent obstructions in communication occurring and also helps heal existing ones. Obstacles become obstacles because they are given unskillful energy, and so become difficult to move. When you get a response of any kind from an obstacle, it starts to move. Once this happens, you can begin to solve the problem
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
Edited by egghead1 (05/11/05 01:52 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162039 - 05/11/05 01:51 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah, Good advice. I think telling the whole truth is a missing ingrediant in most communication.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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egghead1
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: Icelander]
#4162057 - 05/11/05 01:55 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Unfortuanlty most poeple prefer the lies to the truth.
P.S where is that PM you said you were gonna send me?
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162108 - 05/11/05 02:08 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
egghead1 said:
P.S where is that PM you said you were gonna send me?
Wow, you need to work on your patience. I put in an e-mail to my buddhist scholar buddy and will git the reply to you ASAP, but it's all dependant on how fast he replys. He's a busy boy.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: Icelander]
#4162144 - 05/11/05 02:18 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Check your PM.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162168 - 05/11/05 02:25 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Just go heart to heart.
It's quick easy and efficient-if you really seek clear communication.
It's too easy to fall in sync with another in the love that is. People often get lost in the sea and then freak out I think and feel a need to pull a part. People like separating themselves apart from others through mis communications. I think they do it subconsciously or on purpose for a myriad of reasons
What about those who beat around the bush. My daughter does that one a lot. I can heart to heart with her and bang, I got her number and her dial, but she does it with others and they don't do that and then she wonders why she is misunderstood. People who can speak heart to heart get spoiled and then feel misunderstood by those who don't and can't figure it out.
Some people need plain direct clear and concise verbal language and they often even screw that up.
Then again, it's also easy to play dumb and pretend like you don't know what people are talking about. Maintaining resistance isn't easy though.
Cool post egg. Let me ask, do you think people really want to be in clear communication with ALL others? Do you think they can handle such a channel as it forms a bond? Do you ever witness people acting like others have emotional mental cooties they can catch if they connect with them, mind to mind or mind to heart. Do you think people are willing to give up their singular identities for it?
Well, if anyone answers yes to all those questions then, it's a great topic and I add going heart to heart with others to do it.
Sometimes, during an intentional miscommunication, more truth can come out. Ever notice that?
Some people who are not good at verbalising their thoughts, feelings or visions require some misnombers thrown at them to get them to clarify.
Tough love is just masked aggression in my book. You can hold your own and be gentle about it "if you care to".
-------------------- Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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egghead1
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: Icelander]
#4162173 - 05/11/05 02:26 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162190 - 05/11/05 02:31 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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I would like to add that the willingness and ability to communicate clearly is not of much use in a relationship if you do not understand yourself. Without deep knowledge of our own motives, feelings, faults, strengths, and regular examination of our experiences, there can be no communication of these things to others.
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162200 - 05/11/05 02:35 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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"People who are finding other people's problems, are the problem of the people." -unknown :P
-------------------- -------------------- Disclaimer!?
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egghead1
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Heart to heart is excellent, but not many people are not open enough to communicate that way, its a tricky little thing to learn because we have spent so much time separating and closing ourselves off from others, that openness feel's too raw and naked for most people to handle for any considerable ammount of time. Im happy to hear that you and your daughter have such an open relationship like that, its a fogotten practice these days.
Cool post egg. Let me ask, do you think people really want to be in clear communication with ALL others? Do you think they can handle such a channel as it forms a bond? Do you ever witness people acting like others have emotional mental cooties they can catch if they connect with them, mind to mind or mind to heart. Do you think people are willing to give up their singular identities for it?
I think people are mostly afraid of the truth, and try to escape into fanatasy worlds, lying to protect the comfort and security of their closly guarded fantasy. Its usually not out of any mallice or negative attitude that people can't or choose not to communcate clearly, truthfully and directly. I feel that its mostly out of the fear of being misjudged and misunderstood. All people really need is a loving and accpeting environment and attitude to be able to open up and express themsleves fully and clearly without fear.
Tough love can be an effective tool if there are negative attitudes and malice involved. Its not a form of masked aggression, but more of completely open and direct method of communciating by cutting through the layers of masks and bullshit that have been built up to protect from the naked truth of the situation.
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
Edited by egghead1 (05/11/05 03:04 PM)
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egghead1
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: Veritas]
#4162261 - 05/11/05 02:50 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said: I would like to add that the willingness and ability to communicate clearly is not of much use in a relationship if you do not understand yourself. Without deep knowledge of our own motives, feelings, faults, strengths, and regular examination of our experiences, there can be no communication of these things to others.
Yes, very true words. Good communcation with others begins with having good communciation with ourselves first.
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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exclusive58
illegal alien
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162280 - 05/11/05 02:53 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yup, with close attention and unconditioned observation, anyone can make the difference between what's false and what's true.
Nice post!
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162401 - 05/11/05 03:14 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Tis true on tough love that when you are dealing with some who have years and years are hardened thickening's built around them, getting a tad tough is the only way to get through. It bites that it sometimes is called for. It bites that someone felt a need to pile on the thick layers in the first place.
I am different with adults then I am children. Children are yet more open and receptive in such a natural development phase of life. Many adults do require a coconut tonk on the head as the years taught them to close off, close in and shut down and off to the external and internal world "stimulus communications".
I say, start off gently and increase toughness as required till you get through, if you have too to be heard and understood my another for whatever reason. people will tend to make a better effort to understand you if you show them the same. That's where the healing comes in. Understanding is a two way compromise.
Tough love is tricky area as withholding can come into play. You can continue to give love even while you are standing your ground but most don't. I don't know if this is difficult for people to do or just so foreign that they think if they give love, the other person will take it as a sign that they caved in on their stance. People are so accustomed to "withholding love games" until they get through or what they want.
-------------------- Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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egghead1
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I agree, tough love should rarely if ever be used with reagdr to children. They are much more open that adults, and we should be encouraging there openess not teaching them to close themselves down.
I like your take on this topic, we seem to actually agree on something for a change.
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
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Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162603 - 05/11/05 03:56 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
egghead1 said:
I like your take on this topic, we seem to actually agree on something for a change.
Well, this is the "healing communication" thread.
-------------------- Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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egghead1
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Indeed it is my friend, Indeed it is
-------------------- All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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newjon
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4162734 - 05/11/05 04:29 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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if you open yourself, you may well find it easier to make connections than it at first seems. i realised this earlier this week. Accidentally, and also in a state i'm not sure was intentional, maybe someday i can make it intentional. Basically, there are times when I somehow feel "closer" to people in general, and at these times, it's always easier to talk to strangers (and be the first to talk) and it seems to go quite well too. I haven't quite got to a stage where i can actually be out and about and just make a friend of a random stranger. But that might be a little too dangerous anyway, these days. To many murderous nutters around
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Icelander
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: newjon]
#4162741 - 05/11/05 04:31 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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I haven't quite got to a stage where i can actually be out and about and just make a friend of a random stranger. But that might be a little too dangerous anyway, these days. To many murderous nutters around _____________________________________________________________________
Fear not, brave heart!
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Frog
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4164491 - 05/11/05 11:11 PM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
egghead1 said: People are other people's biggest problem. Think of the numbers of people you have to deal with every day at home and work: husbands, wives, children, parents, relatives, friends and lovers, colleagues, employees and bosses, trades people, spiritual advisers and other mentors, not to mention the man on the street.
People may be a problem, but people and their actions also act as "signs" for what we are meant to do next. When my ex suddenly started drinking on a daily basis, that was a sign that it was time for me to move on. Even though this was a painful thing, it also opened the door to bigger and better things. So people may be a problem, but their actions can also guide us into a more positive future.
Quote:
When you are in a meeting or any other situation with other people. listen to them actively. In your mind, direct your mental energy into the words that they speak and you will find that you can see - behind their language - the truth of what they are really saying.
I would like to know how you can find out the truth of what they are saying behind their words. I believe we take our own experiences and imply those experiences when we hear someone speak certain words. This doesn't mean that we are right.
-------------------- The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -Teilard
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kaiowas
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Registered: 07/14/03
Posts: 5,501
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Re: Healing Communication [Re: egghead1]
#4165198 - 05/12/05 02:15 AM (18 years, 10 months ago) |
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Gauging how to react by reading others thoughts.
what keeps us away from expressing ourselves to everyone? Shroomism and I were talking about this at the arizona gathering. Part of it is how well you gauge their reaction, but it takes two to have a conversation. If you're going to have a conversation with someone, they also need to know how to speak. It's like a skill, the more you do it, the better you become. If the other person isn't willing to speak with you, they aren't going to say much, if anything.
I was chatting with this one person on the train, completely random person. Later on he told me how he intially thought I was trying to come onto him so I guess in that case, seeing how they are reacting first is a good idea. you know, not to come off as "too friendly"
-------------------- Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.
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