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 Snape
Eternal Chaos
Registered: 08/04/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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 Lost my trust in my girlfriend... 
#4151931 - 05/08/05 11:02 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Allright... I rarely post on this board anymore... But this time I hit the bottom of the barrel, I think...
All my life I had trouble with the girls I go out with... They are all... Insane... I went out with a girl who said was a vampire, she was really sick in her head.
The main point of my post is... I lost all signs of trust in my current girlfriend... Let me tell you why...
One night we had a party.. And my girlfriend was with her friend all day, in downtown Montreal. I was further up north with my bassman (My girlfriend's friend was his girlfriend).
Then, we went to get our girls at a subway station.. I noticed that my girl's hair was tainted black... and that the girls had an unusual amount of money with them (Given the fact that they were both unemployed..)
We asked them why they had all that money and they never replied frankly.. So we thought it was no big deal and proceeded to the party.
After something like 2 weeks, me and my girl began talking about hidden secrets that nobody else knows. I told her a little secret (Something idiotic), then she began speaking of:
"Well, that day before the party last time... No, nevermind that."
I replied:
"What is it ? Tell me.."
And after begging for a long long time, she told me the story.
They were walking on the street, when a car stopped by them. In that car was an old guy in his fifties, and he asked them if they wanted money. My bassman's girl immediately took hold of my girl's hand and ran away as fast as she could. But the car followed them and the guy was begging and begging and begging and begging. So my bassman's girl agreed to hop aboard (That fuckin stupid bitch) and do whatever the guy felt like.
My bassman's girl had to masturbate the guy while my girl's had to let that asshole touch her... I don't know why I'm telling this to everyone, I feel awkward...
And that is the end of the trust I had in my girlfriend. When my bassman learned what happened, he immediately dumped his girlfriend. I think I should've done the same, because now she's giving me hell.
I can't trust her anymore.. I just can't... I always have that fucking feeling that she's fucking another guy when I'm not there, that she just wants to see me in pain and tears... I just don't know what to do.. I think I became.. A sexual slave..
So... Should I tell her that I can't bear living in fear and paranoia by her fault, or should I give her a chance and see what happens next...? (I did not hear any other shit stories after what happened with the guy in the car...)
Damn it... Why does it had to be her... I love her so much, and she makes my life hell...
Here's a picture of her... For all of you to see that the most beautiful flower is usually the deadliest..
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I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again
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niCCa
BwaBwaHan
Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 219
Loc: Earth temporarily
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4151977 - 05/08/05 11:16 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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fuck...that's BAD
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Heaveno...CU CU CU CU CU in the Highway...Peace
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Signo
manamana
Registered: 03/05/02
Posts: 1,949
Loc: Purple Haze
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4152021 - 05/08/05 11:32 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Sometimes people like to tell others that they were coerced into things, to try and make their choices and actions none of their resposibilty. Other times people are coerced.
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Correlation is not causation!
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 DieCommie
Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 29,258
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: niCCa]
#4152036 - 05/08/05 11:36 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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You need to build a relationship based on love not sex. To do that you need to abstain from sex while the relationship builds. I know this isnt a popular idea, but it worked for me, my relationship is going on 7 years, and i couldnt be happier. Make sure your girl is your best friend. A better friend than any of your guys friends or family.
Of course most people just want sex not a relationship, I guess it all depends on what you want.
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discoabe
Stranger
Registered: 03/26/04
Posts: 674
Loc: Nevada
Last seen: 18 years, 7 months
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: DieCommie]
#4152073 - 05/08/05 11:46 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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That is some fucked up shit man. I've been in similar situations and trust me, just get rid of her now. Once trust is lost, it's hardly ever regained. I know it's hard man, but she's not worth your mental health. I agree with DieCommie on the "Make sure your girl is your best friend" but the abstaining from sex, not really. Relationships must have a healthy sex life to stay healthy. It seems like a waste to invest so much in a girl and still not know if you're sexually compatible. You test drive a car before you buy it, women should be no different, but whatever works.
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DieCommie
Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 29,258
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4152122 - 05/08/05 11:55 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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I see your point of view and hear it often, but here is his problem.Quote:
Snape said:
I think I became.. A sexual slave..
I think that a healthy sex life will always come if the love is true. By having sex early it changes the reason why your in the relationship. Of course if you happen to have sex with "the one" then it wont ruin anything, but if it isnt "the one" then the only reason your in the relationship is for the sex (this applies to males mostly). Thats just my humble opinion, for what it worth. From the relationships ive seen in life (mine and friends) i find it to be true. Im sure most dont believe it so i will just leave it at that.
Good Luck (and whether you want just sex, or love and sex - find a new girlfriend!)
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Snape
Eternal Chaos
Registered: 08/04/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4161340 - 05/11/05 09:44 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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What had to happen, happend...
I broke up with her...
Now I feel like total shit and I want to die..
Karine, please forgive me...
--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again
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Krishna
कृष्ण,LOL
Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,285
Loc: oakland
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4161371 - 05/11/05 09:52 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Snape said:
Karine, please forgive me...
hey, man - i think her performing an act of prostitution is a good enough reason to break up with her...
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4161477 - 05/11/05 10:41 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Snape said:
What had to happen, happend...
I broke up with her...
Now I feel like total shit and I want to die..
Karine, please forgive me...
 You've done nothing wrong, man. The hurt will ease in time. 
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tomk
King of OTD
Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 4 years, 3 days
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4161546 - 05/11/05 11:06 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Well, if you need a quick  and have fifty bucks, at least you know who to call. 
I never understand why people like your girlfriend don't recognize their tendency to want to cause pain and find a guy who is a masochist.
I don't think you ever loved your girlfriend. I think you had possessiveness over her, and then got hurt, not because you loved her, but because your possession did something you didn't want it to do, and you were attached to your possession. If you really loved her, you wouldn't even be hurt by something like this because you wouldn't of had any expectations towards the future. Another example of how the possessiveness most people mistake for love only causes suffering. You gotta let go of thinking of other people as 'yours' in order to love them, man.
I think most peoples relationships work like this. Most people hate themselves. So, they can't stand to be alone. But, they also can't stand to be happy. So, they make these parasitic relationships where they are possessive of each other, but only seek to make each other miserable. Look at the constant struggle most people have with their significant others. It's a constant battle over little things, each person in the struggle just starts to hate the other one, but they stay together because of the combination of possessiveness and a fear of how much worse the torture they would inflict on themselves would be.
You gotta work on yourself, so you are whole by yourself, before you try and have a relationship that isn't masochistic and possessive and likely to cause a lot of suffering.
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"I am eternally free"
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Liz
Owl Lady
Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4161548 - 05/11/05 11:07 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Snape said:
What had to happen, happend...
I broke up with her...
Now I feel like total shit and I want to die..
Karine, please forgive me...
You cannot be with someone you do not trust. You would have constantly wondered, constantly been suspicious of where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. That would not have been a healthy relationship for either of you, and it most likely would have ended badly. What she did was not a minor infraction by any stretch of the imagination, and you had every reason to do what you did. In time, you will know that you did the right thing.
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Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: tomk]
#4162199 - 05/11/05 02:35 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Tomk, you said a mouthfull  . I couldn't resist.
Anyway I think your unpopular opinion on this is very right on. 
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Liz
Owl Lady
Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Icelander]
#4162241 - 05/11/05 02:47 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Although I read tomk's post, and I can see his points in a way, I strongly disagree. I love myself very much, but I also love my relationship and my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with thinking of him as a possesion, or me being controlling, or anything else. I just think that if you love someone, you shouldn't be out fucking around with other people. And I, for one, think that expectations of the future are a great thing to have. They give us hope, and something to look forward to, with the person that we enjoy spending our time with.
I think that this guy got cheated on, and his reaction is completely natural for someone who is in love, and trusts someone. He got betrayed by someone who he was committed to, mentally and physically, and I know how much that hurts.
But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'm just not one to share the person I care about as a sign of my love for them. I think that's crap . 
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Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
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looner2
ABBA fan
Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Liz]
#4162371 - 05/11/05 03:10 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Dump her right now, don't let anyone tell you different. Not only did she cheat, she is absolutely RANK. Yikes man. Dump her... PLEASE.
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I am in love with Acidic_Sloth
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Amber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand
Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4162818 - 05/11/05 04:58 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah you definitely did the right thing dumping her.
Better luck next time!
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Psychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
Registered: 02/06/05
Posts: 3,546
Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4162855 - 05/11/05 05:13 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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She wasn't worth your time.
Don't get attached to a person before you know them.
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"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.
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question_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Snape]
#4163145 - 05/11/05 06:14 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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I don't mean to stereotype but it seems to me like you got to come to terms with this lifestyle you've adopted. The Goth scene is full of damaged souls. I assume you are missing something in some way to be a goth yourself. So too it sounds like your girlfriend (exgirlfriend?) is missing something as well. It sounds like she is a hardcore goth, not a poseur, not a tourist, a real, bonafide, self-destructive goth. A young woman would have to be to get in a car and let an old man feel her up for money. That's the most common variety of goth chick: those who are sexually damaged, got molested as little girls, or something like that. Like strippers, only a little more intelligent. You should remember the most important virtue of goth guys is understanding and forgiveness and it sounds like if you just dumped her for what she did you may be the one not being true to goth culture. The black lipstick and latex clothing is hot and all that but you gotta be aware there is a reason why those girls gravitate towards that bleak aesthetic in case you're looking to get with another vampiress next time. Good luck.
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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs
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browndustin
dustybuddy
Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
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She's cute in a screwed up way, but what she did was straight up rank. She's got to have no respect for herself or just not think sex is sacred. You can have fun encounters, but that's just down right nasty.
You're better off without her. She'll just bring heartbreak. I bet she half cares about how you feel about someone elses hands on her. Just the thought of that happening to me sends me into a downward spiral of negative thoughts. I wouldn't/shouldn't ever have to endure that, no one should. 
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When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop
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tomk
King of OTD
Registered: 09/22/04
Posts: 1,559
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 4 years, 3 days
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: Liz]
#4164024 - 05/11/05 09:32 PM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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I'm going to speak in the royal "you" here. I think ifallapart has a good head on her shoulders. Just to be clear, I'm not talking particularly to your relationship here Ifallapart.
Quote:
ifallapart said:
Although I read tomk's post, and I can see his points in a way, I strongly disagree. I love myself very much, but I also love my relationship and my boyfriend. It has nothing to do with thinking of him as a possesion, or me being controlling, or anything else. I just think that if you love someone, you shouldn't be out fucking around with other people. And I, for one, think that expectations of the future are a great thing to have. They give us hope, and something to look forward to, with the person that we enjoy spending our time with.
Yes, but when (if) your boyfriend doesn't live up to the image you have in your head, all that looking foward to the future is going to turn into pain. Only by letting go of attachment and expectations can you achieve lasting happiness. I happen to think that love is not targeted. If you are in a state of true love, it's not targeted at a particular person. So, whenever I hear people say they have love for this one person, I think there is an attatchment there, and that attachment can only cause suffering. Better to have no attachment and no suffering. This doesn't mean you don't have love in your life, it means there is so much love that everything you experience is bathed in it and you can't target it at a person or away from a person because it is so abundent. If you are looking foward to the future with your boyfriend, you are not in the present, and the present is all there is. Looking foward to a future with somebody is only a way of escaping the present with them. Likewise, thinking about your past relationships and how much you are hurt is another way to escape from the present.
I sort of agree with Ifallapart. I think two people who choose to be together and have true love (not the psuedo-love that relates to possessiveness) may choose not to sleep with other people. But, the reason will be that each is aware of the others desire to create a monogamy. The reason will not be that one partner has insecurities, or is possessive, or is afraid of reaction.
But, I wonder why you think: "I just think that if you love someone, you shouldn't be out fucking around with other people."
I feel like this is another one of those expectations people have that causes suffering. Wouldn't there be so much less suffering in the world if people all let go of this judeo-christo crap? All the pain people feel from affairs, etc, would be gone. Also, people would feel less sexually repressed by their relationships, which would mean that there would be more happiness. Can you imagine how much better the world would be if everytime a person cheated on someone, the person who was cheated on approached it with the attitude "Thank you for creating this oppritunity for me to be more aware I was developing possessiveness towards you, which only inflates my ego and makes me feel disconnected and alienated from the world." instead of "Fuck this stupid ho of a bitch, she is so skanky." So much suffering could be eased by the adoption of this mindset.
Quote:
I think that this guy got cheated on, and his reaction is completely natural for someone who is in love, and trusts someone. He got betrayed by someone who he was committed to, mentally and physically, and I know how much that hurts.
Right, his reaction is natural. However, we must overcome our natural reaction to things in order to not be crazy ape men with nuclear weapons like the republicans have become. Our natural reaction to most anything is bad. These natural reactions form from instincts, but instinctual thinking causes error and suffering. Through the practice of meditation, you can ease this suffering and correct these errors by learning how to be more aware of it. It's a natural response for me to stab someone with my fork if they eat of my plate, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do or the thing that will ease the most suffering.
Quote:
But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'm just not one to share the person I care about as a sign of my love for them. I think that's crap .
You don't share the person you care about as a sign of your love, instead, you develop the feeling of love so that you are incapable of loving one person more then the others. This includes self love, if you love others more then you love yourself, your love is still targeted (at 'others') and it isn't true love. This means that you will never have to comprimise your values. Because you love yourself as much as you love everyone else, you will never feel the need to comprimise yourself for the sake of others. But, because you gave up attachment, it will not cause you suffering when he sleeps with someone else, even if you do end your relationship with him over it.
It's the suffering that monogamy causes that I am against, not people who want monogamy.
At some time, would you rather have someone you love in sexual bliss with someone who wasn't you, or sexually frusterated by himself or herself? If you'd prefer the latter, it would seem to me like possessiveness and attachment are part of your relationship.
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"I am eternally free"
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Liz
Owl Lady
Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: Lost my trust in my girlfriend... [Re: tomk]
#4165694 - 05/12/05 08:45 AM (18 years, 11 months ago) |
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I think we just have totally different views when it comes to relationships. I'll admit right up front, I am a jealous person by nature, and I've been fucked over a lot in the past. You mentioned attachments, and how they cause suffering. I think there are 2 different kind of attachements.
There's good attachment, such as loving to be around someone, knowing them and having them know you better than you know yourself, and missing them when they're not around.
Then there's BAD attchments. People who are DEPENDANT on someone else, and can't function without them there, cant be happy unless they're around. I suppose, to an extent, I am dependant on my boyfriend. But not in the sense that I can't be happy without him there, and not to the point that it's an issue. I'm dependant in the sense that I love him, and he makes me happy. When I'm in a bad mood, or upset, or have had a bad day at work, I rely on him to be there when I get home, hug me, and everything feels like it'll be ok. Just like he relies on me, to be there when he wakes up in the morning, to kiss him on the forehead, and tell him I love him.
You're an extremely intelligent person tomk, that's readily apparent by your posts. If you can honestly have a relationship with someone, and not care what they do, or who they do it with when you're not around, then hey seriously, more power to you. I'm just the type of person who would rather devote my time, and feelings to ONE person, and know that they're doing the same for me in return. I think it's much more meaningful when you can look someone in the eye and know that you're the only one they care for in that way. I could never feel ok about giving myself to anyone else, whether it be mentally or physically, because they're not HIM. I think when you find someone that you're perfect with, you might as well give your all to being perfect ONLY with them, and not look elsewhere, possibly messing up the awesome thing that you have going.
Like I said, I see your point, but we just differ in views. I'm giving you 5 shrooms as soon as I post this, you earned it man.
--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
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