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rogue DMT elf
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/09/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
    #4114988 - 04/30/05 04:42 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

4/30/05 01:20 pm
i am luaghing at myself today...

my journal title says it all. ROGUE PASSION ENTHUSIAST. what the hell is wrong with me?

and really it has been a long time since something like this has happened to me. and over so quickly. what to think about it now? what to digest?

she was/is beautiful. more so than i could relate to anybody. yet things like that dont matter...

one time in my life i thought when you felt something that was truly amazing, you went with it and you followed your heart. i got kicked in the ass for it though, so i dont even know why following my heart again would get me anywhere. what am i thinking? rhetorical.

is this all a figment?

are my emotions just that? figments? i dont think ive ever gotten over many of my figments.

so the pattern on my soul gets more complex. what happens when i find someone else? i believe its possible now. the quirky randomness of the human mind is not unlike the quirky randomness of life in general. someone could fall in love with me tomorrow, and i could never know it. or i could realize the truth.

all you hangers on
watch with anxious eyes
watch your mouth to speak
words mystic and wise

can you explain away everything
that i know to be true
will you flinch if i criticize
anything about you?

wash your nervous hands
speak and only lie
dismiss distances
between you and i

can you explain away everything
that i know to be true
will you flinch if i criticize
anything about you?
anything about you...

what will i do with all the possibilities arrayed in front of me?

fall in love again someday.

what is falling in love.

when i was in love... i felt safe. when she held me, it was home.

where is my home now?

a month ago i was saying to myself about a relationship "i cannot do this. this is not right, this is cheap. this will be pornographic if i pursue this." and i realized being on my own was what has happened.

so i existed.

and out of nowhere im staring at the portrait of such beauty. beauty you can get lost in.

and when that cannot work out, because of logic. when emotion does not prevail. when you cant follow your heart. where are you? when questions are asked, and you say "i think so?" that means you dont know anything.

well i know. she is lucky fate isnt real. she is lucky she gets to choose. i guess i would have been bad for her anyways.

~dandy lion...
rogue passion enthusiast
waiting for someone elses proper moment
what angel carries my fears?

Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud



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