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Amazon Shop: The Doors

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OfflineTodcasil
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Registered: 08/09/99
Posts: 16,381
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Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
not a poem.
    #4113724 - 04/30/05 05:48 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

my whole life ive been afflicted with a strange habit known as music. every major event in my life i can relive just by putting on a certain album. it is comforting, i believe the word is, cathartic.

i remember when my mom passed away there a few years of pure anger, and i can hardly remember those years without shuddering at the complete frustration at my situation. shifted from my home, in a house full of drug addicts mind you, into a house with my maternal grandfather and his second wife, my grandma jo an. it was horrid.

it was wretched.

i didn't know these people.

and i dont think they really wanted to know me.

i didn't have time to be frustrated about my mothers death... i mourned like a volcano, id try to live my life as steady as possible until i would explode. Two years of that. counselors and teachers conferences. degradation.

then one day my uncle michael was watching me on a weekend. he was a drug dealer, and user. meth. im not sure whos cd it was, probably not his, but i saw the cover.

neon blue and purple framed in black. the design was a fuzzy picture of something sharp.

i read nine inch nails in my head.

pretty hate machine?

my uncle let me take it home. and on day when my grandparents werent home, i put it in there cd player in the kitchen. michael had let me hear the songs "head like a hole" and "down in it". so i played those over and over again.

then that night, i put it in my cd walkmen and tried to fall asleep as the most beautiful and haunting piano flew at my soul. the words are burned in my head with the passion of loss, which is the deepest emotion id felt the time.

~

i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like
the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head
till i dont want to sleep
anymore.

you make this all go away.

~

mourning had begun. i was accepting a change in my life that had occurred years before. i knew this music would make it better. and it did.

it spoke to me like a ritual.

it was then that music started playing a crucial role in my life. before it was recreational. now it became personal.

but the music found me. i didn't go looking for it in a direct sense. i kept my eye out. and things popped out at me. i acquired soundtracks to the different emotions that i have felt, and some were completely new.

Primus Frizzlefry
NIN pretty hate machine
saturday morning cartoons - various artists
nirvana- in utero (never mind was in my recreational phase ironically... the same time i was listening to "never mind" i was listening to wierd al yankovich if that tells you how serious i took music.)
korns self titled album
red hot chili peppers BSSM
ween - mollusk (picked up on a whim in a bargain bin)
breeders - last splash
breeders - pod
the doors - wall, final cut
even blink 182, there first two albums.
weezer - blue album, pinkerton
ceadmons call - forty acres
tom petty - greatest hits
david byrne - feelings
marylin manson - antichrist super star
beck mellow gold, odele
soundgarden - superunknown
hole -live through this
violent femmes - greatest hits
tool - undertow



there is so much invested in my music collection. and it all began with that mishmosh. just a wierd jumble of various artists adn strange things that caught my attention.

i threw away girardo.

i threw away mc hammer.

i kept the guns and roses


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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Offlinezeppa
Stranger
Registered: 04/23/05
Posts: 73
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: not a poem. [Re: Todcasil]
    #4114521 - 04/30/05 02:06 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

keep writing :wink:


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OfflineSneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
 User Gallery Arcade Champion: BMX Tricks
Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 months, 15 days
Re: not a poem. [Re: zeppa]
    #4114810 - 04/30/05 03:38 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I do that with books i read. Whenever i read a book, i only listen to one certain CD which then becomes that books soundtrack. Everytime i hear the album, the minds eye movie plays.


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Amazon Shop: The Doors

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