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InvisibleFreeker
jackaroe
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Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,225
Loc: buffalo
I mean, theres gotta be several
    #4082004 - 04/21/05 06:17 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

'shroomerite' Professors/Teachers out there... right..? I hope so.


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OfflineMeraok
swiming throughacedia

Registered: 04/25/00
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Freeker]
    #4082020 - 04/21/05 06:23 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I try to teach people all over the world how to pick a fesh pineapple from the grocery store. Yes. It works well. It is my work. It is my life.


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InvisibleFreeker
jackaroe
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Meraok]
    #4082033 - 04/21/05 06:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

a fesh pinapple?


:balloon:


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OfflineMeraok
swiming throughacedia

Registered: 04/25/00
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Freeker]
    #4082071 - 04/21/05 06:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well, pineapple. OK. Fine, you pushy fucks. I'll share:

If there is one thing you need to know about in life its how to pick a great pineapple at a grocery store. Usually this problem can be avoided all together if you go straight to the grower, but as it happens, not many of us live in an pineapple rich area. These growers, though, they are quite the interesting people. Never before have I been convinced of how a pineapple got its juicy juices; it's all about the love of the grower. Raiser, if you will. With their somewhat poky exterior and fleshy flesh, it all comes together in the core, which most people find too fibrous to eat, but its quite all right to suck on, I assure you. Back to the subject at hand, to pick a pineapple from a grocery store is quite a curious task. Most of these little guys come from farms concerned only with money and not with quality. A pineapple needs love, once again, so it may flourish in its giant-little exterior. You must know the ways of the pineapple and be able to talk to it about what it likes and what it can do without, such as long walks on the beach. It is way to easy to pick up sand if you are comprised of a sugary-water like substance. Sand may help ostriches with digestion, but we can do without it in the world today. To eat. You need to find one that looks good, first of all. That is always the main goal when picking produce and its a skill that has been with us since the dawn of time. You don't want to eat a berry that LOOKS like it may be poisonous. Rather, you want to pick the berry that is blue and shiny and delectable looking. I could go for some fresh raspberries, too. Perhaps a blackberry or two. So you find that one that just catches your eye. The one that makes you think of your first love on that boat on the Mississippi with the clams and the potatoes and the tree-swinging squirrels. Great. Then you pick it up, gently, at first. The time for being a little rougher will come in due time. Pick it up and cradle it in your arms. Try to determine if this is really the pineapple it appeared to be. Does it have the right weight? Is it trying to struggle and get away? Or are the poky things trying to poke you? All of these defense mechanisms may just mean that it is scared, and you are allowed to, if you wish, try to work through these problems by reassuring it, but if you must, you can chose a new pineapple to love. When you find that perfect match, you need to go somewhere private. Somewhere in a dark corner of the store away from the rest of its pineapple family so it cannot see what you are about to you. You know the little leaf-like things on the top? Pick one of those. One in the middle, and first caress it. Make sure it knows you have to do this, and it will only hurt for a bit. Then pull. Pluck, even, and if it is crisp and fresh like the breaking of a carrot, you have found the greatest fruit you have ever known. If it feels soggy or comes out way too easily, the pineapple is old like your grandma, and is best left for the birds or your dog (dogs like pineapple too, as long as it doesn't contain sand). If it is almost impossible to pull out, it probably isn't a pineapple at all, but one of those pineapple candles they sell at target. Don't buy one of those candles and expect to be able to eat it. They are pretty waxy, but they taste damn good. So, that's it, then. I hope you always remember me as the person who gave you the most advice... perhaps the most prudent advice you have ever received or wanted.

Hey, sorry. I don't like paragraphs


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InvisibleFreeker
jackaroe
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Meraok]
    #4082079 - 04/21/05 06:40 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I wasn't being that hostile, but nontheless-

your a helluva writer, i must say :thumbup:


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Invisiblevinsue
Grand Old Fart
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Registered: 02/17/04
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Loc: The Garden State(NJ) Flag
Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Freeker]
    #4082080 - 04/21/05 06:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

What's your question, grasshopper ??  :confused::mushroom2:


--------------------
"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Meraok]
    #4082089 - 04/21/05 06:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Are we to consummate our relationship with the Pineapples once we're at home alone with it?



--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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OfflineMeraok
swiming throughacedia

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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4082102 - 04/21/05 06:44 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Yes.

I like to suck on the core. It never gets untasty.


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Invisiblevinsue
Grand Old Fart
Male

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Posts: 15,295
Loc: The Garden State(NJ) Flag
Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4082105 - 04/21/05 06:45 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

As long as it's fesh... :grin:


--------------------
"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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InvisibleFreeker
jackaroe
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: vinsue]
    #4082106 - 04/21/05 06:45 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Just feelin a bit curious, thinking if there are any Professors or Teachers out there, as a Career/Life Work.


:stoned:


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
Male
Registered: 02/06/05
Posts: 3,546
Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: vinsue]
    #4082112 - 04/21/05 06:46 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

:lol:


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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Offlinedr0mni
My Own Messiah
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4083096 - 04/21/05 11:43 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

LOL! Thanks for the info!

Oh boy! This thread will never be directed back towards professors now!

So how do you pick a good WATERMELON? I mean, they just feel hard on the outside to me. I can't tell the difference, but I know one of them is juicier than the rest...


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OfflineMeraok
swiming throughacedia

Registered: 04/25/00
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: dr0mni]
    #4084388 - 04/22/05 11:22 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Watermelon are like a honeydew's bastard cousin. Plus, their red. Red meat is good, but red felshy fruit? I don't know. I have to give props, though, to whatever crazy genetic fuck created those seedless watermelons. However, did he/she know the harm he/her caused by taking away the wonderful competition that is seed spitting? I'll never forget.


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InvisibleWoodsCall
own it
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Registered: 12/06/04
Posts: 1,486
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Re: I mean, theres gotta be several [Re: Freeker]
    #4084553 - 04/22/05 12:35 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I would think there are professors and teachers here, but I doubt they hang out in the Pub. Isn't MarkosthGnostiic a school drug counselor or something?


To whomever asked about picking a good watermelon:

I'm a produce manager and lemme tell ya, I can pick you out the ripest fruits ever. Except for when it comes to watermelons. Everything THEY tell you about picking watermelons is a lie. It's all a game of pure luck, I swear. It has nothing to do with the color or the stripes or the hollow sound when you knock on it or even the yellow spot on it's underbelly. The only way to know if you've picked a bad watermelon is if it came from the bottom of the bin and it's oozing some wicked goo all over the floor. Don't buy melons that feel like babies' soft spots......

Have a nice day.


--------------------
Live free or die.


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