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Offlineexclusive58
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Registered: 04/16/04
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Help me deal with egocentrics please
    #4081641 - 04/21/05 04:50 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

So I have a problem: people that are self-centered. I've been meeting quite a few folks out there who can be described as being egocentric.

For example, i went to a girlfriend's family dinner not long ago, and I quickly realized that the only thing people were talking about was personal experiences.
Like: "remember what happened when i was a little kid"..or.."remember when we almost got in a serious accident"...and all night long, everyone was telling about their personal stories, or stuff that were happening in their personal lives.

The thing is, I couldn't stop myself from judging them and how self-centered they were. I was starting to think things like "so here we have a homo-egocentrus specimen, it is characterized by the fact that it is submerged in the linear illusionary time composed of past and future, in which the eternal Now moment is neglected and forgotten."

But i realized that i was classifying these people under different categories and that my analytical mind was dominating, which is something that i can't stand. Therefore i decided to let go of these thoughts and truely be in the "Now moment" myself, so that I could listen without judging, in order to be a witness and not a judge.

Well, this didn't change the topics of discussion, but sometimes its true that i found their stories to be truely extraordinary and hilarious.




Now, what I'm asking is, can anyone help me find the positiveness in a totally self-centered discussion? Or is there anything to truely benefit from egocentric people? How to deal with this in a correct manner? What's the best thing to do in your opinion?

Sometimes i feel these people are trying to show-off something about themselves, like if they were trying to impress me or something. And other times i just feel that they need someone to know about their existence and their life, like if they need a witness to their existence so that they don't feel so empty inside and so that their life can take some sort of meaning.

I dunno, hopefully someone can understand the dilemma and help me out here...


--------------------


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081656 - 04/21/05 04:56 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"So I have a problem: people that are self-centered. I've been meeting quite a few folks out there who can be described as being egocentric."

This and the title of your thread indicates that you to are egocentric. Look within yourself for the answer. If you were not egocentric you would overlook the flaws in others. That was a very high horsed condescending post.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081662 - 04/21/05 04:58 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

1) Just  make the following gestures; :yesnod: and  :nonono:.

Shine them on a bit, sooner or later they'll get the hint that you're humoring their egos, and they'll bring something up to the effect.

2) Start talking about senseless experiences that you've had, and be domineering in the situation till you get all the "looks" telling you to stop... stop to the point that they don't start up. Some people just need the same likeness of their behavior through an example to realize the effect it has.

3) Be direct and call them on it.

4) Deal with it.

Either way,  :goodluck:.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4081669 - 04/21/05 05:00 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

We're all egocentric :smile:... whether or not we choose to believe we are, or aren't, the point is that he's with those that aren't moderating their ego.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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Offlineegghead1
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081684 - 04/21/05 05:04 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Its the same with all people. everyone is trying to confirm their own existence, but the thing is, is that they don't exist the way they think they do. Its good that you can just listen and gain understanding by oberving others whilst also observing how the mind is always judging and catagorizing everything.

Thats meditation, observation of both internal and external phenomenon. I feel the best thing to do is to treat it like a teaching, oberve them and your own mind, the more you listen, the more you may see how this ego-centricity is the basis of suffering. Its in your mind as well, you can only percieve what you must possess to some degree within yourself.

So maybe if you treat it like a teaching and observe your mind it could turn out to be a very insightful experience? They are suffering, so much compassion is needed, as we all know how suffering is. I don't know much,  but humility is always a good thing in these situatiuons. I hope this helps a little :heart:


--------------------
All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081686 - 04/21/05 05:04 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well, you yourself shifted your perception from an egocentric, evaluative perspective to one of witnessing, which partakes of an expanded or 'depotentiated' egocentrism - the beginning of cosmic consciousness, or a movement from 3rd chakra to 4th chakra motivation.

We are ALL egocentric unless we are God-centered, Christocentric, or Empty (depending upon the tradition). When we speak, the words either convey a Universal Truth, making us momentary vehicles of the latter condition, or we are simply being our egocentric selves. Now, if we endeavor to illustrate the Universal with the particularities of our individual life experiences, then we spiritually gifted and somewhat enlightened individuals. However, these revelations can't simply proceed from our egocentric desire to be heard, they must be a response to someone's question about something cosmic. Few people wax philosophical so the spiritually gifted story-teller has to remain quiet quite a bit. As they say: 'Good words are like fine silver, but silence is solid gold.'


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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Offlineexclusive58
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4081697 - 04/21/05 05:10 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"Shine them on a bit, sooner or later they'll get the hint that you're humoring their egos, and they'll bring something up to the effect."

hehe, i think i understand what you're trying to get to, that's some really good stuff! thanx

As for being direct and calling them on it, i don't think people would appreciate that very much, especially if they're not your friends, and i don't think i'd be able to do it even if they were, i wouldn't want to hurt people's feelings :wink:


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4081750 - 04/21/05 05:22 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Yes, apparently these egocentric people are all so unbelievably boorish.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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Offlineexclusive58
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: egghead1]
    #4081790 - 04/21/05 05:31 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"So maybe if you treat it like a teaching and observe your mind it could turn out to be a very insightful experience?"

Yes that is what i always try to do, unfortunately i'm not yet able to continuously observe my mind, otherwise every moment of my life would be an insightful experience! But i'm sure that you are right, and that that is the best and most effective way to learn from life.


"They are suffering, so much compassion is needed"

I understand, but you know sometimes my compassion can have limits, sometimes i just tell myslf "damn, i'm so sick of these people that have nothing better to talk about but themselves".

Anyway, i know that you are going to tell me that the answer can only come from myself, and i thank you for replying because indeed you helped me. I realize i still have much inner development to work through, and wouldn't it be a shame if i said the opposite :wink:


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Invisibledorkus
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081803 - 04/21/05 05:34 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

So what would you have them discuss? :grin:


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OfflineGomp
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: dorkus]
    #4081846 - 04/21/05 05:47 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

""Sometimes i feel these people are trying to show-off something about themselves, like if they were trying to impress me or something. And other times i just feel that they need someone to know about their existence and their life, like if they need a witness to their existence so that they don't feel so empty inside and so that their life can take some sort of meaning.""

some people, need to impress them-self, trying to impress you...

some people, impress them-self, to impress you...

people are alone, being, to?get(h?er(e).. :smile:


--------------------


--------------------
Disclaimer!?


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Offlineexclusive58
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: dorkus]
    #4081863 - 04/21/05 05:51 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

hehe, i think that if the subject of discussion would be up to me, they'd have nothing to say, their mind would suddenly go blank, and their face would look like  :shocked:

:grin:


--------------------


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Offlineegghead1
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4081880 - 04/21/05 05:54 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

exclusive58 said:
hehe, i think that if the subject of discussion would be up to me, they'd have nothing to say, their mind would suddenly go blank, and their face would look like  :shocked:

:grin:




:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:
            I know exactly what you mean!


--------------------
All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!


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Offlinesignoffate
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4082108 - 04/21/05 06:45 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Could it be that they were feeling so comfortable with your presence that the opened up to you? Some people do this by giving you information about their experiences, in the hope that you could relate with them on some level... if not just to let you in there lives a little by filling you in on some of their cherished memories.

Or else they must have just been acting like self centered ass holes!


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: signoffate]
    #4082843 - 04/21/05 10:24 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

good thread


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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4082878 - 04/21/05 10:33 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

exclusive58 said:
So I have a problem: people that are self-centered. I've been meeting quite a few folks out there who can be described as being egocentric.

For example, i went to a girlfriend's family dinner not long ago, and I quickly realized that the only thing people were talking about was personal experiences.
Like: "remember what happened when i was a little kid"..or.."remember when we almost got in a serious accident"...and all night long, everyone was telling about their personal stories, or stuff that were happening in their personal lives.

The thing is, I couldn't stop myself from judging them and how self-centered they were. I was starting to think things like "so here we have a homo-egocentrus specimen, it is characterized by the fact that it is submerged in the linear illusionary time composed of past and future, in which the eternal Now moment is neglected and forgotten."

But i realized that i was classifying these people under different categories and that my analytical mind was dominating, which is something that i can't stand. Therefore i decided to let go of these thoughts and truely be in the "Now moment" myself, so that I could listen without judging, in order to be a witness and not a judge.

Well, this didn't change the topics of discussion, but sometimes its true that i found their stories to be truely extraordinary and hilarious.




Now, what I'm asking is, can anyone help me find the positiveness in a totally self-centered discussion? Or is there anything to truely benefit from egocentric people? How to deal with this in a correct manner? What's the best thing to do in your opinion?

Sometimes i feel these people are trying to show-off something about themselves, like if they were trying to impress me or something. And other times i just feel that they need someone to know about their existence and their life, like if they need a witness to their existence so that they don't feel so empty inside and so that their life can take some sort of meaning.

I dunno, hopefully someone can understand the dilemma and help me out here...




you referred to yourself 21 times in this passage....just an observation.


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4082883 - 04/21/05 10:34 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Like Huehue said, it sounds like you have some ego issues of your own to deal with. Focus on how you can be less egocentric, and then you can set an example for them. Follow the path of wu wei, not interfering with their path, but rather following your own.


--------------------


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: exclusive58]
    #4082895 - 04/21/05 10:37 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

the thing is that everything is A'ok. don't just notice the now moment, join them!! not just laugh, but make them laugh. What they are talking about isn't the issue, its sharing that counts.

expression is an artform, and what we use for our art is words and motion.

Its really cool to hear that you were able to notice how you reacted towards reality. that's a huge thing that I have to notice constantly. it really is a fine line when regarding the ego.

how about not less or more ego, but positive and negative ego. if you can shape your ego to a positive, then having a big ego can be a great thing.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: kaiowas]
    #4082931 - 04/21/05 10:49 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Good job.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
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Re: Help me deal with egocentrics please [Re: signoffate]
    #4083029 - 04/21/05 11:19 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)


A lot of insightful commenting going on here! I really resonated what signofee brought up.

I agree that if a virtual stranger starts sharing personal experiences with you, that is a positive sign that they feel comfortable enough in your presence to open up and share themselves with you.

I think of several environments I have been in or groups of people where, I don't do that and I'm a very open and sharing person. If I clam up, something is skeeving me out about getting personally close with them.

To let someone into your world is a form of making a connection and a means for relating (establishing a relat-ionship)

The only thing I can think of that would make that bothersome is if you felt like it was a one way thing. Like say you started to share a similar experience in return and they interrupted and starting over talking you with more about themselves or just ignored you and turned to someone else instead.

If they stop and give you a chance to share and listen and also ask you questions to get you involved in creating a relationship then it's all a really good thing for people to share of their personal experiences and relate and bond through them.

Isn't that one of the things you love most about S&P, people sharing their personal experiences?

As for the people who aren't about that, I'm with psychoactive on humoring them. That's what I usually do. At least, I can make a boorish one way interactive more amusing and enjoyable for myself that way. It gets even more amusing when they don't get it.

Another to do is to ask them their thoughts and opinions or experiences on subjects you are interested in. At least this way, if all they are going to do is talk about their experiences you will be able to enjoy and appreciate the subject matter and maybe learn more about something you are interested in.

I appreciate any social situation that is alive enough to allow me to be the observer. That's just because I enjoy people watching and people studying like how you ended up enjoying it once you shifted your perspective on the situation.

Look at some flip sides. Ever been to a "social dinner event" with strangers where no one is talking or the group conversation is awkward? At least the group you were with exclusive, sounded at ease and alive.

Good post topic! :thumbup:


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.


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