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OfflineCrazyShroomMan
journeyman
Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 118
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please
    #4076242 - 04/20/05 10:54 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well i been sittin here all morning. This is going to sound crazy but ive had a loaded pistol in my hands for like 2 hours and i just keep looking at it and thinking about putting it in my mouth and firing. I know everyone is just going to say that im being weak and taking the easy way out yada yada yada but i dunno. i dont really care. im so depressed nothing matters. My life is going the shittiest its ever been right now, and my life has always been pretty shitty. Im sick of having a shitty life. So sick of it. nothing ever goes my way i cant see any good in anything or anyone and i frankly just see no point in me living any longer. i feel worthless. Like ive never accomplished anything and never will. ive had like one girl ive seriously liked in my life and she made me happy for like 3 months and now thats over. I just dont see anything that can make me happy except for drugs, but i know they are just going to make my life shittier. So i really see no other solution other than just ending it all. It would be so easy, and i wouldnt have to put up with my bullshit ass excuse for a life anymore. Im sick of living. I never thought being this depressed was possible, and i really cant help it and i dont know why. No matter how hard i try to move on and make myself happy i just cant do it. Im giving up on everyone and everything. I hate being like this i want to change but i cant. im a fucking nutcase i know. But oh well maybe i just need to be thrown in a fucking padded room for the rest of my life.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4076284 - 04/20/05 11:10 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Crazy, I'm not going to say you are weak or taking the easy way out. Only you know what it is like to be you.What you do with your life is your business. If you can take responsibility for your choices than I support you 100% whatever you do. I also feel compassion for where you are at and I'm sending you some unconditional love. :heart: That means you are loved just for being you the way you are right this minute with all your good shit and painful shit. :heart:

My prayer for you is that you find some options that might show you another way to deal with all this depression. The more choices you have the better your choices will be. :heart:

Please feel free to PM me at anytime. :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Edited by Icelander (04/20/05 11:12 AM)


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OfflineSWEDEN
Miracle of Science

Registered: 10/25/04
Posts: 2,577
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4076499 - 04/20/05 12:28 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Before you kill yourself at least try to survive in the wild. That is a true test of strength and intelligence. If you survive and prove yourself to yourself, maybe you'll find the will to live. And if you don't make it, well, then you're dead! Problem solved.

There was a man named Richard Proenneke who spent his last 30 years surviving in the wilderness by Twin Lakes. He was blind in one eye, and by the end of the first year his vision had returned. He was an old man, but an expert carpenter with a full set of tools. And he lived very comfortably and died a happy man. At least try to follow his example, that is, if you become dissatisfied with your existence, don't bog us down man! It's the internet, nothing we say or do will make your life concretely better.

Happy 4/20!


--------------------


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: SWEDEN]
    #4076601 - 04/20/05 01:02 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Sweden, good advice.  :thumbup: 4/20 is my birthday. :mushroom2: Oh and of course Hitlers. :grin:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Invisiblelooner2
ABBA fan

Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 3,849
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Icelander]
    #4077179 - 04/20/05 03:36 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Go rent Fight Club and watch it. Even if you've already seen it. Do it.


--------------------
I am in love with Acidic_Sloth



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Offlinethe_phoenix
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 541
Loc: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Icelander]
    #4077253 - 04/20/05 03:59 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Don't read this? Should I only read happy threads? Is this thread even necessarily depressing? You see, some people seek out the dark, to shine light on it. So I'm happy to have found this thread, to explain to you why I'm happy to have found it, to relate to you how good comes of evil.

Darkness does not exist, it's only the absence of light. It's very valuable, for without it light could not shine. Darkness is merely shadow that obscures the light, so it exists as shadow, but it isn't part of the light. As a shadow, it is being cast by something, by something blocking the light. The purpose of darkness is to make known what casts the shadow, what obscures the light, so that this obstruction may be removed.

In the same vein, your depression points specifically to all that you need to change. Negativity isn't natural. It agitates you so that you take notice of it and correct it. You seem very agitated, so it's important to understand this purpose of agitation. The solution is not to succumb to the depression and take your life, but rather to use the depression to transform your life. The Yin always points to the Yang.

If you do kill yourself, you won't solve a thing...in fact you'll make matters worse. In the limbo between lives you'll realize your mistake, and in your next life you'll either learn this realization, or repeat your mistakes only to be presented with the same choice in yet another lifetime. So on and so forth until the lesson is learnt. There is no way out, there is no escape.

Salvation isn't escape, it's the realization that your present situation isn't how you perceive and understand it to be. It's seeing through the shadow, to the light. The light is always present, though sometimes obscured.

In this cyclical universe there is duality. There is light and there is absence of light. God?and I use that term loosely?could have finished everything himself. Everybody could see the light, everybody could experience the oneness that unites us all, everybody could become that oneness. But then nobody would exist and all would be God.

The job was left unfinished so that we can do the work. Similarly, the progress you'll make in your life is a great gift, and will improve your life. Now, from here, you go *up*. When all of us and the universe rejoin God, then it will not be as it was before creation. God is infinite, and infinite can expand forever. Resistence, absence of light, is present so that new things can be learnt throughout this continuous cycle of purging.

Killing yourself would add to the misunderstanding that you'll eventually have to purge. You might as well start purging this lifetime, as it seems you have enough material to work with already. First, you must explore your problems down to their roots. In the case of shadow, you must follow it to its source and remove the obstacle so that light can flow in.

There is a key understanding necessary to do this. You must believe that and understand how light is primary to darkness. This one realization is, in essence, the sum of the journey we are all on. Believing it profoundly is the result of direct experience and profound contemplation, but I can give you some examples that might convince you enough to get you going forwards on your path towards the light, and not backwards. Examples of this rule in effect are all around us.

Darkness doesn't exist, it's only the absence of light. Cold doesn't exist, it's only the absence of heat. "Nothing" doesn't exist, it's only the absence of something. Peace isn't the absence of war, it's the presence of justice; war is a temporary state and is merely the absence of justice. Irritations are similarly temporary and illusory, as they are corrected in due course. Evil is the absence of good, and through it the resulting good is more pure than ever before.

So, what are your problems? If you want to post some here I'll try to shed some light on the matter. Or if you'd prefer to go about it on your own, you have my heartfelt blessing.


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: the_phoenix]
    #4077385 - 04/20/05 04:39 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

well where are you now? its been many hours since you posted...so?


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Invisiblemyndreach
philosopher
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 2,368
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Retired]
    #4077446 - 04/20/05 04:49 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That is a cliched response, but it is very true.

Find some art, look at some wild plants and flowers growing, watch ants work, drive on a highway with the windows open and the wind blowing in your ears, listen to your favorite music...

Even if the shit of life you claim to experience lasts 20 more years, IT WILL END. Life WILL GET BETTER, trust me. I went through a number of years in my teen years where I faced similar feelings to you. I contemplated killing myself also, and was very close a number of times.

Now it's ten years later, and I couldn't ask for a better, more fulfilling, happier existence.


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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4077449 - 04/20/05 04:50 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

You said it yourself that because you are depressed nothing matters. We have so much help out their for easing depression. Depression can just be do to a chemical imbalance and that has no reflection on the actual worth of your life, what does matter and can mean something to you. Even if now you think nothing matters, think of the people that YOU mater a GREAT GREAT deal too. You do to so many and the depression just makes it hard to see or believe that but it's true.

Give yourself the chance to seek help with relieving the depression before you decide life and yourself in it doesn't matter.

There is so much beauty and joy to be realized and experienced on this planet and you are deserving and worthy of all of it and its waiting for you. Don't let a possible imbalance in your body chemistry take that away from you. That's probably all it is that just has you seeing things from a depressive point of view. Give yourself a chance to see what life looks like when the depression is relieved. You will love it and their is tons of help out their for relieving it.

Sending you much love and support because you are worth it and you matter.

  :heart:


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.


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OfflineGomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,866
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4077457 - 04/20/05 04:51 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Each time i get this kind of thoughts. (I'm drunk, and I'm sorry I'm using it as an excuse..)

I just get reminded of the either fictional or not, if you kill yourself, you will stay there..

doesn't ring ... to much..

:wink:


--------------------


--------------------
Disclaimer!?


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/14/04
Posts: 10,329
Loc: On the Border
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4077919 - 04/20/05 06:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

If you have a shitty life then change it. Use all of the energy you spend on depression in formulating a powerful act to perform in order to better your condition. Your relationship with drugs is merely learned behavior that can be modifies. Get counseling. Failing that there are countless resources on the net for changing one's life. Miguel Ruiz and Tony Robbins both have good programs in written and recorded form, and are a good place to start. There are countless others with valid idea about changing one's life as well. I have been where you are. I got tired of being manipulated into squandering my personal power, so I got off my ass and changed.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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OfflineRetired
Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 635
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #4077933 - 04/20/05 06:40 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

thats all fine and great but where is the man "CrazyShroomMan" is he still kicking? i feel bad talking about him without him here. someone make sure he is still alive.


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
Male
Registered: 02/06/05
Posts: 3,546
Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Retired]
    #4078055 - 04/20/05 07:10 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Um..... how do propose we go about doing that?


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4079320 - 04/21/05 12:33 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

If I can't say anything nice, I won't say anything at all.


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Offlinefresh313
journeyman
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 2,537
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: fearfect]
    #4079958 - 04/21/05 04:15 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

:poke:

yo , just checkin

maybe you should see a psychologist
it would suck to kill yourself if there was a solution around a few corners



:mushroomgrow:


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Offlinewjames
Phenomenologist

Registered: 02/16/05
Posts: 185
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4080013 - 04/21/05 04:56 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

CrazyShroomMan said:
Well i been sittin here all morning. This is going to sound crazy but ive had a loaded pistol in my hands for like 2 hours and i just keep looking at it and thinking about putting it in my mouth and firing. I know everyone is just going to say that im being weak




Just chill and wait it out. Emotions are influenced by temporary things. They distort common sense.

> Like ive never accomplished anything and never will.

How do you know? That's not exactly a logical statement.

> ive had like one girl ive seriously liked in my life and she
> made me happy for like 3 months and now thats over.

That's not a big deal. Having a relationship is often more trouble that it's worth.

> I just dont see anything that can make me happy

Maybe you should try some new things. Fresh air and exercise for example. A nice, long walk. A trip in the country.

> would be so easy

Would it? Who knows, like Hamlet says, "what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil?" A last resort is that--a *last* resort, i.e., when it's your only option. But you have other options.
So you should use those before considering a last resort.

We should stick around here and try *everything* we can think of before giving up.

> I never thought being this depressed was possible,

That's right, you're depressed. It's a temporary chemical imbalance. You should see a doctor and maybe take medicine for it.
Why not? That's what they get paid for. It's a lot easier than killing yourself. Sometimes you have to force yourself to act logically.

> im a fucking nutcase i know.

Life is challenging for everybody. It's hard to get everything straightened out in the head. You're not a nutcase. It's the same for everbody.

Anyway, please let us know you you're doing. You've got lots of friends here. If you want to talk on the phone or something I'm sure that's possible.


--------------------
"We're all in this consciousness-raising business together."
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
"Everyone should eat hashish, but only once." - S. Dali


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OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 13 days
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4080232 - 04/21/05 09:28 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Dont kill yourself man. If not doing it for yourself itleast think of your family or your friends. You know the kind of stress that puts on them. Please man if you need someone to talk to just aim me its ingvar01.


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
Male
Registered: 02/06/05
Posts: 3,546
Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: The_Red_Crayon]
    #4081616 - 04/21/05 04:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

He hasn't posted yet, for all we know he is dead :shrug:.

/thinks we should hold off posting till we get another update on the situation.

No need to waste time on a dead man.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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OfflineRolling
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4081910 - 04/21/05 05:59 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

hey i hope youre still ok...coz no matter how much depression you feel its not worth pulling the trigger...as long as the sun shines every morning there is still hope for everyone...just because you dont feel it, doesnt mean youre not loved...if you like music listen to Bob Marley's songs, like "Every little thing is gonna be alright". then, if you want, go to church, talk to a priest and offer yourself in God's service, theyre always willing to accept people. :heart:


--------------------
Rolling Wheels
Power Wheelchairs
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."


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OfflineCrazyShroomMan
journeyman
Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 118
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Dont read this if your not in the mood for depressing shit please [Re: CrazyShroomMan]
    #4087854 - 04/23/05 09:58 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Sorry for leaving you guys hanging. Im still fighting. It just sucks because every second of every day that goes by no matter what im doing my heads still off thinking about how much i hate my life and how worthless i am and why people dont like me and how this one person that ive always been so good to can just treat me like shit now. I dunno i dont have the balls to kill myself i figured that out dont worry, but that doesnt mean that every second im alive im not miserable. I hate my life  :frown:


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