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InvisibleSwami
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Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Choosing friends
    #4073087 - 04/19/05 04:31 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Disregarding sex and romance as that is a different dynamic, notice how we generally like people for three basic reasons:

1. They are like we are. (Similarity)

2. They are like what we would like to be. (Admiration).

3. They do things for us. (Utilitarian)

Let's focus this discussion on #1. Why is it so important to find mini-clones of ourselves? "Hey, I am a Republican and so are you. And we both play golf and drive BMWs and went to Ivy League Colleges..." or whatever.

Is this due to insecurity or merely for communication purposes? Naturally, it is hard to share mushroom experiences with a hardcore prohibitionist or the exploration of nature with a couch-potato, but do we sometimes carry this "looking for ourselves" in others a bit too far as a prerequisite for friendship?


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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Invisibledorkus
don't look back
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Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073124 - 04/19/05 04:39 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Well, if my friends and I share interests, we are more likely to keep conversations going, as none like to talk abouth clothes, cars etc :grin: If we all appreciate art, we can explore together.

We always disagree on the details though.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073132 - 04/19/05 04:41 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

attraction and repulsion
hmmm,
that would have nothing to do with instinct would it?

"friend" suggests association,
association and matching are fundamental in mind.

so you get instinct motivating minds, are we looking at the same thing?


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
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Registered: 02/06/05
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Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073216 - 04/19/05 05:08 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I actually like people completely different from myself... (get a bit tired in this ol' mind)... Similarities are good if you seek agreement, and need a form of common ground to justify your consideration of events... Differences is when shit gets interesting, and both parties grow as a result of it. (not that their isn't growth through similarities, but ultimately we are all similar)... I just think it's often better to gain insight through a different form of ideology then my own, (as I know it already).

A friend needn't fit in any of the catagories, the notion of fun through differentation was omitted as well (although, it's a rarer form of friendship). All of my friends, are a bit different, and I'd consider most of their actions to be highly irrational, that's half the fun of it though :smile:.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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InvisibleMovingTarget

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 4,824
Loc: temporary
Re: Choosing friends [Re: redgreenvines]
    #4073224 - 04/19/05 05:10 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I've always struggled to find friends with the same interests as me, so most groups of my mates all have something in common but many things not in common. The same way of thinking is more important than the same interests, but Ive found that sometimes the same interests follow.


--------------------



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InvisibletrendalM
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Registered: 04/17/01
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Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073361 - 04/19/05 05:59 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Why is it so important to find mini-clones of ourselves?...Is this due to insecurity or merely for communication purposes?




I think it is almost entirely due to communication issues.

People who share similar personalities are more likely to have similar interests, giving them a medium through which they build a relationship. They may already understand many things about each other's lives because they have reacted to similar situations in similar ways. They are also probably going to like the same other people, so you get groups of similar people hanging out with eachother. This also works in converse, people with similar likes have similar dislikes. An enemy of mine is an enemy of my friend. I think this helps reinforce the idea of our Friends vs our Enemies, in which we have a clear concept of the "kinds" of people we do or do not like (a mental construct built on the perceived "personality" of another being).

Besides liking the same people and the same things, people of similar personalities have similar modes of thinking, making direct communication easier as well. Less translation is needed to make one's thoughts presentible to one's closest friends, as they are likely to understand you with little effort.

Quote:

Swami said:
Naturally, it is hard to share mushroom experiences with a hardcore prohibitionist or the exploration of nature with a couch-potato, but do we sometimes carry this "looking for ourselves" in others a bit too far as a prerequisite for friendship?




Yes, we do sometimes carry it too far, but someone will sometime carry anything too far so this is not surprising. If it was common to carry it too far, friendship would be far less common than it is.


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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Offlineguri
Master of theimprobablitydrive

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 576
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Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073844 - 04/19/05 08:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Is this due to insecurity or merely for communication purposes?





i think its because if you had nothing in common you would have nothing to devolope a friendship from


i suppose you could also ask do people who have friends that are opposites or not the same, do not feel insecure about themselves?


--------------------
"If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? The Beatles were so fucking high, they let Ringo sing a few songs." --Bill Hicks


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Offlineentiformatie
EvolutionaryMovements
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Re: Choosing friends [Re: trendal]
    #4073858 - 04/19/05 08:40 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

can i add one?

4) respect

we are not alike, i don't seek to be like them, they definitely don't do shit for me (just kiddin, but it's not like i expect them to do anything for me)

i just happen to think they are good people, and they reciprocate the sentiment.


--------------------
/opinion
.sean


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
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Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4073934 - 04/19/05 08:53 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

It's just how we are


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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InvisibleRebelSteve33
Amateur Mycologist
Male

Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 3,774
Loc: Arizona
Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4074907 - 04/20/05 12:14 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

well first off, i'd think one is more likely to meet people who are similar to one's self because they will be doing similar things. and if people have a lot in common, they will get to talking and perhaps even develop a friendship. then, as time goes on, those people will become more and more similar to each other just because they spend a lot of time together and that's the way things go. so basically, it just makes sense.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
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Re: Choosing friends [Re: Swami]
    #4074952 - 04/20/05 12:25 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I dunno, I tend to hang out with people from all walks of life. The only common thread is that they all do drugs. Oh yeah and they are all worthless fucktards. But I think that last applies to at least 99% of the human race.

anywho I guess the main reason I make friends is so that I can teach and learn. If they are different from me in how they percieve and practice life, thats fine as long as there are no direct conflicts of interest.

in terms of romantic partners though I definitely look for someone exactly like me. I like romantic relationships to be comfortable and predictable. My life is interesting enough already, so I don't generally tend to use romance as a flavor additive. I would like a romantic relationship to be solid and dependable rather than in a constant state of flux.

as far as keeping friends because they do stuff for you, well, I wouldnt really call those people friends, more like 'business relationships'. I try to be fair with those people and hope that they will be fair to me. But I wouldn't expect either party to bend over backwards in a relationship like that.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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