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Offlinewrestler_az
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story time with uncle Waz
    #4067322 - 04/18/05 02:36 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

this is a trip report of sorts i wrote while peaking off of 3 hits of acid, plus 1 and a half pills of E. i went way over board with the drugs, lost my head for a bit and had to run away to the enchanted swamplands down the way of our camping spot and write some thoughts out on paper. this is a trip report of a previous trip....i already did one, see link below. right around peak i realized that i still had not fully recovered from this first trip, and by the time i felt the peak my brain went into shock. it need to sort some shit out, starting back a month ago during this trip. so anyway, here it is....



once upon a time, there lived this lonely passer byer named Psybin. Psybin liked to live the easy life. stress free, day by day, in a completely controlled little world not hampered by outside influences. sadly, this also meant a life with no real friends, no one but himself to keep him company....but stress free none the less. this is the story of this man, who could no longer live his life in solitude. this is the story of what happens when you make the right kind of friends.


traveling on his way to where ever for what ever reason ( not really important, you see...these things never did really matter much ) he came across a clearing in the desert. there was a group of about 25 people gathered there to rest up for the night. these fine people invited psybin right in...make yourselves at home they said. so psybin pulled up a chair, took a seat, and pulled the veils from his eyes for the very first time, to a whole new world that he never thought imaginable.


they said here! eat of our bread, drink of our wine...but what ever you do do NOT eat of those mushrooms growing over there.

well...

psybin did just that. worried and unsure once he started to feel the effects, a friendly man named ty came along to help ease the mans worried mind. have no fear he said. that man who told you to not eat of the mushrooms was only playing a trick on your head my friend. you see, we have ALL eaten from those same mushrooms. just lay back and get ready to start your magical journey.


overwhelmed by the sensations coming in he could do nothing but lay back and watch his world get swept away by a slew of brilliant colors, lights and sounds. he was no longer just a passer byer, for now he knew he was part of something greater. something far greater than anything he ever thought existed.he became One with these friendly folk. he became at peace in his mind with his surroundings. and as a small piece of some greater whole, he felt intrigued to search on for what this is that he is a part of for the very first time.


Psybins new friends watched in amazement as he flew off into the sea of electricity that we call life. Ty felt that our young explorer need some music to guide him on his way. finding a nice play list for his new friend, he loaded up the music onto a cd and handed psybin a set of head phones. he politely instructed for him to lay back on his bed and allow himself to get lost in the rhythmic beats and flowing vibes, become just another sound, a single note on the backdrop of a great symphony.

with pies for eyes he layed back, face up to the sky. upon closing his eyelids he was introduced to a vision. there were two demons, one male and one female. with scales shimmering from a light unseen and of colors unknown, they stared deeply into the others eyes. with snake like tongues and the horns of a moose they grooved to the music, riding the waves into the stellar unknown. it was only them. him. her. alone. together. nothing else mattered because there was nothing else. only them and their love for one another, and that love was their fuel. the fuel that fed the fire. and ever going love machine that will hum for the rest of eternity riding atop a wave, speeding faster than light straight into the darkest, loneliest corner of the universe, just waiting for the moment to meet a lonely passer byer, like psybin, and show that poor soul what true love is all about.

but just when everything seemed to be too good to be true, shit went wrong. where there was once love is now filled with an empty void, still looking into the others eyes they fought. growling, snarling, biting...an all out attack on the other, but for what? why the sudden change? what dramatic events could have caused such a major shift in such realities. as an innocent bystander with no bias in this quarrel, psybin was confused as to why two creatures so in love with each other would behave in such a manner. from here psybins visions went all downhill.

bombs, explosions, death, disease ridden bodies with rats eating of the carcasses...non stop 100% negativity. psybin was scared. he did not know why these things were happening to him. he was so content living his life as a passer byer. the type of person who seldom does much of anything. perfectly content, no worries. but now, after shedding his veil, he sees this whole new world. a world that requires his participation, and requires for him to contribute, and in turn receive rewards. but now... why now? with all this negativity psybin was beginning to break down. it was then that psybin realized that maybe he has ventured too far. is this a warning for what lies ahead? he is determined to see this journey to the end. he has gone too far to turn back now.


he closed his eyes as tightly as he could to keep from giving into these negative feelings. he CAN beat these feelings. he thought to himself...if this is a warning, a "do not enter past this point" kind of thing, who could have placed this warning where it was? surely no man was capable of placing such a warning. god? well, it would have to be on this level, he thought. psybin has for a long time questioned his faith about who or what god is, but at this moment, at this point, in this whirling vortex that has sucked his existence past that of a mortal mans, this was his god. and now psybins pissed. hes got a bone to pick with this so called "god".

you cant scare me! he yelled into the night. i am NOT turning back now, and no body, no GOD even, could ever stop or influence him in any way to make him lose sight to the end of this journey. as psybin stares god right in the face in pure rebellion and spite, he declares his determination. you call these beasts? you trying to scare me with those little puppy dogs? you are gonna have to do alot better than that. just then the female demon reappeared, front and center. she was pissed. she opened her mouth revealing rows or razor sharp teeth and that snake like tongue. wider, wider, she opened her mouth. until she opened it so wide that her upper lip had stretched up and around her whole head and around back to the front again. then exploded with a flurry of eyeballs leaving trails of psychedelic colored demon blood. and after this explosion, laying there in the dust of the aftermath, is a cute little puppy dog.

from here psybin took control of the visions. he took control in this brave new world. the visions had simply become his play toy. butterflies, rainbows and puppy dogs...the complete polar opposite of the previous visions. he was now in control, with the power of the whole universe at his fingertips.

so psybin made it through this so called test, this rite of passage. what now? whats next? now that hes made it here, where does he go? he had never actually planned that far ahead. but no sooner could he have been blasted to another place. a different place. where he had back his stress free care free vibes, but with out the hindrance of having to be a shut in. he was now a part of the greater whole. he now knows why he is, and the reason he is is just because he is. there really isnt much more to it than that. you live your life and your primary goal is to live. thats it. but how you live is up to you and only you to decide.


psybin soon feels himself reentering his physical body, while still completely immersed in the visions. new thoughts popped into his head. they were his thoughts, he knew this because he was thinking them, but he saw nothing as to point out where these thoughts might have originated from. it was as if he relinquished command of his mind for the moment, and was just viewing these thoughts as an outsider.

this is the gist of what was thought....


psybin,

you have traveled a great distance, defeated many obstacles, you even scared god in the face. you didnt back down, you held your ground, and you were rewarded for that in the process. you think this isnt real? i got some news for you buddy, this is as real as it gets. this was a test, and you passed. now your task is to take this and apply it to your every day journeys. when lifes throws you demons, make puppy dogs. you will be rewarded then just as you were here right now, in this plane. this world is yours, its your life to live and you can control more of it than you think.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinepeaceful_gnome
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4067529 - 04/18/05 04:20 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

wow, awesome story!


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4067538 - 04/18/05 04:27 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

and i helped!


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: peaceful_gnome]
    #4067846 - 04/18/05 05:57 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

peaceful_gnome said:
wow, awesome story!




--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4069908 - 04/18/05 08:58 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

things i learned from my experiences from the 3 hits of acid, and 1 and a half pills of E. some of them were learned for the first time, others were more like refresher courses, but all of them very important.



be true to yourself at what ever cost, because in the end the truth will eventually come out. please dont be like me and learn this the hard way. to be completely honest with yourself about who you are and who you want to become is probably the most important factor in self growth, and i know we all want to be better people. i went deep into my mind saturday night, way deeper than i ever thought i could. way deeper than i thought i ever would. and way deeper than i ever thought i should. it was a dark cold place where the honesty was brutal and the ego fractured. ive been lieing to myself for so long that i eventually started to believe the lies, and once it was shown to me that my whole life was built on a foundation destined to crumble, so did all my hopes and dreams. to be starting over from scratch at the age of 24 was not on my to do list.

if it aint broke, dont break it. i do not need extra drama in my life to be happy, no matter how much i convinced myself otherwise. ive got to the point where in order for myself to be happy, i have to have some issue in my life to be trying to fix. the thing is, im not fixing the right ones. and sometimes, theres nothing to fix. in this case, i break things....in order to fix them. at the end i feel like ive accomplished a great task, but all ive really done is waste time. by the time im done fixing what ever issue, its just right back at the same point it was before i ever broke it. its tiring, non fulfilling, and all it does is give me the illusion that im progressing in my life. ive been too scared to tackle the real issues for so long ive grown accustomed to these self destructive behaviors.this is not healthy.

talk to your friends. talk to your family. its hard for me to be open about my feelings and emotions with the people i love. im not sure why, maybe its because im afraid of what they will think of me, no matter how irrational that may sound. if you cannot communicate with your friends when it comes time for you to call on them for help they will not know what you need. bottling everything up deep inside only works for so long. eventually that bottle fills up and over flows, and you become an emotional mess.

annie, i want to take this time to thank you once again for being there for me. you, and everyone else at that gathering are my closest friends. ive only known you guys for one year, some of you i met for the very first time last weekend, but all the kind words said to me in my time of need were very appreciated. i dont know what i would have done with out you guys.

which brings me to another lesson....its ok to cry. sunday morning was the first real cry ive had in a long time. ive always hated crying. ive been raised thinking crying is a sign of weakness. hold it inside, where it belongs....it will eventually go away. but i was wrong. annie knew i needed to cry. she also knew that i didnt want to give in so easily. she pulled me down on the ground, hugging me and putting the kindest softest words in my ears...she left me no choice. slowly easing me into a conversation about things i didnt want to talk about she pulled the tears right out of me. i sobbed like a baby, and it felt good. annie, i just want you to know that god has a set of wings waiting for you in heaven. thank you.

getting angry never helps. saturday night i felt something that i thought was impossible for me. i was angry, while under the influence of the psycadelics. i was scared. i was angry. i wanted to leave. i felt uncomfortable around my friends, and i knew a few of them felt uncomfortable around me. i wanted to be by myself because i didnt know how i was going to react. and it felt like you guys were trying to keep me from leaving. if i was going to hurt anyone i wanted it to be only myself. being angry and impatient made me miss quite a few options. i did not have to go so far away, i did not have to go to the enchanted swamplands. i could have easily gone in my tent. but no, i was set on going to this place that was a little too far from camp for someone on 3 hits of acid to be left alone. the thought had never crossed my mind.

im sure theres more, but i feel like shit and i am done thinking and writing about this for a while. i will come back to this later.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


Edited by wrestler_az (04/18/05 09:38 PM)


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InvisibleLetto
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4070081 - 04/18/05 09:35 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

The story was very interesting, and your last post was eerily familiar, hit close to home. Thank you for sharing.


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OfflineToTheSummit
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4070121 - 04/18/05 09:46 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I think everyone who uses psychedelics, especially acid, will eventually have similar experiences.  We tend to become complacent in our use when things always go well.  Then, out of the blue....WHAM!...we get our ego handed to us on a platter!!  Lord knows I've had my share of similar experiences!

I saw a look in your eyes Sunday morning that I recognized all too well.  I've seen those same eyes staring back at me from the mirror in the past.  Trust me, it is a good thing.  You would not choose to have a trip like that on purpose, but when you look back on your experiences you will find that it will be more valuable to you then any of the 'fun' trips you have had.  And what better setting to have such an experience then among a group of people who not only care about you, but can totally understand your situation?

You rock Waz.  And you're always welcome at Summit's place...even if you do cry like a sissy-girl!! :grin:
(sorry man, I couldn't resist that one! :lol: )


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #4070147 - 04/18/05 09:52 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

i do understand that.....and over all, i am very pleased with the outcome of my trip. i have alot of new information i need to give time to settle. the only thing that i disliked, and this pretty much ruined the entire trip, was when i caught myself getting pissed. i had never been pissed on psycadelics before, and i was scared as what i might do. and the feelings of being uncomfortable around my closest friends, and the feelings that some of them were uncomfortable with me as well, really made me sink even further. the e depression doesnt help any either. i thought after the november gathering i learned not to roll two nights in a row....guess i had to take that lesson one more time for it to sink in.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineToTheSummit
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4070184 - 04/18/05 10:01 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, give yourself some time to process everything and rebuild your ego and you'll be a better man in the end. And remember, all those uncomfortable feelings, even the anger, were all important parts of the puzzle. Take the experience as a whole and don't obsess about details.


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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OfflineIrishNation
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4070203 - 04/18/05 10:06 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Beautiful my friend. Eloquently spoken. It seems like you have pulled away from this experience with a better grasp on life. I hope you sort things out and apply your findings. Never let your knowledge fo to waste


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4071105 - 04/19/05 01:52 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

this needs a bump...


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineTodcasil
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4071195 - 04/19/05 02:23 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

always follow your instincts...

and if youc ant follow your own, trust your friends!!!

we are good friends WAZ.

:heart:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4071235 - 04/19/05 02:35 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

this story makes me smile in so many was wrestler.  thank you for telling us a part of your tale. I got a lot more detail reading it, such passion.  :thumbup:

"and if youc ant follow your own, trust your friends!!"

indeed todcasil  :wink:


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: kaiowas]
    #4071299 - 04/19/05 03:01 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

im glad you all liked it....emotions were running high during the writing. im surprised it turned out so well. i was sure i was just gonna come back with a bunch of scribbly lines. the lines on the paper were far from straight, and every time i would write a word it would jump off the paper and smack me in the face. the pens felt like they were vibrating in my hands and at one point i was convinced there was a giant cricket in the bushes ready to pounce on me. but yet, once i got out there, all by myself.....all the negativity i was feeling earlier vanished. and i became a writing machine. it was flowing so smoothly i have a hard time accepting that the words were all my own. i think i had a little help out there in the enchanted swamp....


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4073394 - 04/19/05 06:11 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

more lessons relearned:

the bride said something to me while i was comming out of a nitrous baloon that really stuck with me through out the night. she saw me struggeling with my words, trying to convey a thought, trying to translate something into words that was just beyond words.

her: "wrestler, dont even try...."
me: "but..."
her: "i know....i know.....you dont have to billy"
me: "wow, youre right"

why do i feel i have to explain my trips? someting so far beyond words and reason....but this goes deeper than just my trips. this is my every day life. every day i reason, i analyse, i try to explain events in my life, but for what? why cant i just leave some things be as they are? why do i have to disect every little situation into more little situations, then those situations even further, in an endless fractal of thoughts, trying to get closer and closer to what ever "root" there may be. i think this kinda touches back onto the, if it aint broke dont break it bit, her words really struck home with me. i now realize the further i go with my disecting and analyzing of my thoughts, situations, the further my eventual goal gets away from me. the closer i get, the further i have to go. it is an endless struggle to which there is no end.

a certain level of insight and self analization is needed for self growth, but how much is too much? where do i draw the line. this is a question i have been asking myself for some time now, and after this trip i feel that i am somewhere close to an answer but yet it is still beyond my grasp. am i still now doing exactly what i am trying to tell you guys that i shouldnt be doing? i dont really know where i am going with this, but writing all this shit down feels good, feels like something i need to be doing....


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineoDin
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4074302 - 04/19/05 10:01 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

what summit said :smile:

time buddy time

time off, time to think, time


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4074322 - 04/19/05 10:03 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Wow, that has to be the best trip report i've ever read!  :thumbup: I've had trips like that before, and I've always come down a much better person. Good luck brother, you'll probably learn a lot from this experience.


--------------------


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: story time with uncle Waz [Re: wrestler_az]
    #4078655 - 04/20/05 09:37 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

one more thing before i let this thread fall inot the dark underbelly of the shroomery, from where it will never return.

be very carfull when mixxing drugs. and dont roll two nights in a row.
i just realized a very important factor in what caused me to go down so rapidly. i was coming down from 2 nights of rolling, during my peak on the acid. e comedowns can be rough all on their own, but dealing with all the post roll emotions, while peaking on acid.....not a good combo. be safe people, know your limits.

i am now done with this thread, done with this trip.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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