Home | Community | Message Board


RVF Garden Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> The Pub

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Maynard finds J.C.!
    #4066305 - 04/17/05 08:59 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

or Dafoe?

YOU decide.

07 Apr 05

"Christians, huh? So forgive me." - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"
As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."
"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard?s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.
"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

http://www.toolband.com/index_frames.html

/beats corpse of rotting horse carcass


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleKingOftheThing
the cool fool
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 27,389
Loc: USA
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: fearfect]
    #4066319 - 04/17/05 09:04 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

old and april fools joke


NEXT


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #4066328 - 04/17/05 09:07 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

next week in fearfect's KingOftheThing's entertainment we bring you horse porn! Live and straight from the barns of middle america!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 60,933
Loc: the sky
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #4066329 - 04/17/05 09:07 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

KingOftheThing said:
old and april fools joke


NEXT




--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisibleblink
eye of horus
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,343
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #4066358 - 04/17/05 09:21 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
Quote:

KingOftheThing said:
welcome to the world of two weeks ago.

I heard the pope might die tommorow :sad:







--------------------


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 60,933
Loc: the sky
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: blink]
    #4066362 - 04/17/05 09:22 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

blinkidiot said:
Quote:

OneMoreRobot3021 said:
Quote:

KingOftheThing said:

R.I.P. Schiavo











--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #4066367 - 04/17/05 09:24 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

keep posting in here and i may follow up on my promise


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 60,933
Loc: the sky
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: fearfect]
    #4066370 - 04/17/05 09:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

What exactly is that supposed to mean?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: fearfect]
    #4066372 - 04/17/05 09:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

You fuck horses in barns in middle America to make beastiality porn?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: DNKYD]
    #4066374 - 04/17/05 09:26 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

all day long


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblericochet
Registered: 12/19/04
Posts: 1,112
Re: Maynard finds J.C.! [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #4066391 - 04/17/05 09:32 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

fearfect said:
all day long







oops, I mean..

Quote:

KingOftheThing said:
old and april fools joke


NEXT



.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

Community >> The Pub

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Maynard finds Jesus
( 1 2 3 4 all )
catalyst777 3,316 76 04/05/05 10:49 PM
by In(di)go
* Maynard Discussion thread
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 all )
flip3084 7,061 160 03/05/09 10:58 AM
by flip3084
* Happy Birthday Maynard.(belated) CaRnAgECaNdYS 1,559 17 04/19/05 02:00 PM
by Triplexiosis
* You know how Maynard claimed to find Jesus just like Head from KoRn? Twirling 1,353 19 09/04/05 11:47 AM
by In(di)go
* Maynard's oldest band. Alec_Baldwin 421 15 12/23/08 10:04 PM
by Penguarky Tunguin
* maynard j. k.
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Cubie 3,492 71 10/10/08 07:44 PM
by Cubie
* Maynard James Keenan
( 1 2 all )
2Cents 1,892 32 03/19/09 10:44 AM
by tpihkal
* Reverend Maynard drSE 963 15 06/16/07 09:30 PM
by maggotz

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
709 topic views. 17 members, 153 guests and 53 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
RVF Garden Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2016 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.043 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 14 queries.