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Offlineexclusive58
illegal alien

Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2,146
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Love...it's a choice!
    #4033596 - 04/09/05 10:01 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I think i found out the reason why it is that the last time i fell in love was longer than 3 years ago.

First let me just say that i've loved sooo many girls as a kid, like each year starting from 1st grade i fell in a love with a girl or two, but i never admitted my crush. Then in 6th grade i finally had the balls to tell the girl that i loved her, so we kissed, and the next day she dumped me (i later found out that she dumped me because i didn't know how to kiss  :blush::tongue2: ).

After that, my ability to love had taken a bad hit, and the last girl i loved was in my sophmore year, more than 3 years ago, and i went out with her for a month but the relationship sucked because there was no communication and we were both a bit immature.

So then, i think i unconsciously abandonned trying to love someone, and there was a dominant idea of what love is like in my head. To me, love was just something that happened, that you had no control over, i was conformed to the idea that love chooses you but you don't choose love.

But now i realize that it isn't like that at all. Love is a choice. Just like all other emotions, you are responsible for how you feel. To love someone is to tell yourself that you love someone! And when two people agree to fall in love one with the other, the feeling of LOVE burns like a sun because it is recognized by both parties and the result is of immeasurable strength and power.


So now i know i will never fall in love again if i don't engage myself and commit myself to such a feeling in the first place. When you look at it this way, Love sort of becomes an act of blind faith. You just totally alienate yourself to your partner, without asking further questions. Without wondering if your love is logical or reasonnable, without refraining yourself and without hesitating.




So there, i think i found out how to love, a thing that i once thought i was psychologically unable to do. I'm not sure of all of this though, so can anyone please point out any discrepancies they have so as to help me develop a true notion of what love is please? can anyone help me help myself?  :wink:


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OfflineShagshow
Sit on It

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 575
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: exclusive58]
    #4033605 - 04/09/05 10:06 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

First off, when your kissing a girl in the future; just mimic her exact lip/tongue motions to copy her style, she'll be happy. You seem to be confused about love man, and rightly so; we are all confused about love to some extent. Your right when you say that you need to be receptive to the chance of love, that would be trust and ability to put yourself out there (without the fear of being hurt again, which will only serve to hold you back; release the fear!). However love for the most part is spontaneous from my personal experience, you have a good girl, she's a good friend, and next thing you know; she's a great lover. Glad you found out you can share the love back now, it is a mutual necessity. Good luck with everything.


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Offlineexclusive58
illegal alien

Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2,146
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Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: Shagshow]
    #4033622 - 04/09/05 10:14 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

thank you!
yup its a mutual necessity indeed.
But see, you're saying that love is spontaneous. What do you mean? Are you saying that you spontaneously choose to love, or that love spontaneously happens to you?


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OfflineShagshow
Sit on It

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 575
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: exclusive58]
    #4033633 - 04/09/05 10:17 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

You have to accept the spontaneity of love. It isn't entirely random, as I said; you'll have a great friend, she's honest, and next thing you know; you have a great girlfriend. So I'd have to say its a combo.


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OfflineShagshow
Sit on It

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 575
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: Shagshow]
    #4033636 - 04/09/05 10:19 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Most likely love want just fall into your lap like you were assuming before; but you can't will it to happen (especially since it is a state which requires; as you have stated; the acceptance of two people who posses free will.). It'll happen to you; your a good person as far as I can tell, just keep up the honesty, and try and love someone who isn't just deserving of your love; but maybe someone who needs it. Good luck with everything concerning love, we all could use luck with that part of life.


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OfflineLux
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Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 189
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: exclusive58]
    #4033640 - 04/09/05 10:21 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I see love as a deep appreciation. In this sense it can either come on spontaneously or consciously.


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OfflineShagshow
Sit on It

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 575
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: Lux]
    #4033652 - 04/09/05 10:25 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I agree lux, I think you need to hold a deep appreciation for something so wonderful. However, no matter how much one man appreciates the qualities of his desired mate, you need some type of luck/spontaneity/whatever you want to call it... Lux you seem like a chill guy, I'm sending 5 shrooms your way; enjoy.


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Offlinealsey
meet me in thedreamtimewater...

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 1,203
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: exclusive58]
    #4033668 - 04/09/05 10:30 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

i have no control over my love. i've never chosen to love someone, i just ended up loving them.


--------------------
"Gently return to the simple physical sensation of the breath. Then do it again, and again, and again. Somewhere in this process, you will come face-to-face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels." - ven. henepola gunaratana


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OfflineLux
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Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 189
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: alsey]
    #4033695 - 04/09/05 10:42 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I love my brothers because they are important to me, I appreciate them so deeply. I love looking at the clouds because I appreciate the serene act of laying on the grass and staring in awe and silence. I love art because I appreciate the urge to express. It is the sole recurring thing that I can think of, a deep appreciation. This still does not answer much though, does it? Perhaps I am just switching words around for now an adequate description of appreciation is needed. This will take further contemplation.


Edited by Lux (04/09/05 11:08 AM)


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Offlineexclusive58
illegal alien

Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2,146
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: Shagshow]
    #4033701 - 04/09/05 10:45 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

So its a combo? that seems like a fair answer, because there's always luck/spontaneity that comes in play when you meet someone. I mean, lots of married couples say things like "honey i'm so lucky i met you", right..

But concerning the actual feeling of love, i'm more inclined to say that it is pure choice at first. You notice that there's some kind of good connection going on, and you tell yourself "hey, wouldn't it be cool if we got together?" and you feel that you're both digging each other, and the more you think about it, the more the feeling grows.

But now i'm wondering if a choice can be unconscious. Becuase it might be that when you fall in love, you choose to do so without really realizing it, because as i said, every emotion is triggered by the thinker. But there's the conscious and the subconscious of a thinker!

damn, i need to stop thinking so much! heh, love gets me fired up :smile:


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OfflineShagshow
Sit on It

Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 575
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: exclusive58]
    #4033730 - 04/09/05 11:00 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

"Falling in love".....You don't choose to fall, that's why the word was chosen (that articulate enough for ya Lux?) hah. Girls get "Swept off their feet"...ya see what I'm saying. Love can be subconscious, not "unconscious'' if it were then you'd just be falling in love with your own dreams (that's a whole new topic). The subconscious level I'm referring to it that of love only truly forming on the basis of who you truly are. By that I mean, you can only fall in love, and love someone after you accept the you you really are; and learn to love it. If you don't, then it would be an entire mystery why you are attracted to certain personalities.


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OfflineLux
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Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 189
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Re: Love...it's a choice! [Re: Shagshow]
    #4033758 - 04/09/05 11:17 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Well one could also say that those are terms used to simply express the degree of passion and 'shock', or instant realization of love.


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