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OfflineSilent_Vinny
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Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become?
    #4007211 - 04/03/05 01:46 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

My first weekend with a batch of shrooms. I had a successful 4 gram trip with my buddy at the mall (the affects didn't truly peak until I got home). I loved the experience so much that the next day I decided to embark on an 8 gram trip. This was, of course, stupid. I had no excuse for eating the 8 grams other than the fact that I loved the trip the day before and that I was high on cocaine. (NOTE: That was my first weekend with Cocaine as well. I had a whole gram to myself.).
The trip took hold of me within thirty minutes. I set everything up perfectly in my bedroom (I even re-arranged it, something I had not done in years). I put on "For a Fistful of Dollars." (The crappy audio didn't dwell in to well with the trip audio). I suddenly became out of it. I crawled around my bed scared out like a small child. I turned out the lights because the posters on the wall were becoming to intense; they were moving, talking, breathing...all of it bad. I would of enjoyed it the day before..but somehow I was afraid this time. My pillow has funky shapes, and all I could see was eyes pouring blood. My mouth suddenly felt like it was cut with glass and I ran to the bathroom. I was in such a haze, that the entire bathroom seemed incredibly whiter than ever before. I remember trying to puke, and nothing could come out..but it felt like an old boot was in there. I looked at myself in the mirror (Ouch, that didn't go to well.) I saw how my hair was all messy, and my pants were undone, and my shirt was messy, and my eyes were bulging. I suddenly grasped in the fact that: It's happening again. I was suddenly apart of something that has been apart of me forever. It was a tremor, it was something that every young teenager does; where they get completely fried, and they lose memory, they lose consciousness...they need their mommy or daddy. Sitting on the bathroom toilet, looking at the moving designs on the wall, I could not tell myself that I was on a drug...that it was all going to end. Hearing my father talk to his girlfriend downstairs, I heard him say "He's like his mother. He puts himself through this all the time. I had them too." "HAD" Them? What on earth was he talking about? Of course..this was all in my head..but my mind was to fucked to pivot that. My dad's girlfriend left, and my dad came up stairs to find me sitting, cross-legged, on his bed. He was getting ready to go to his Sunday night Church service. I saw him in the doorway, and I immediately ran up to him and hugged him and told him that I loved him. I said; "It's happening again. You have to help me. Help me dad. Make it make sense." He asked: "Are you having a dizzy spell, again?" NOTE: I used to have dizzy spells throughout the night as a kid, I'd wake up while blacked out, usually scared out of my childhood mind. (It always seemed like something big went wrong and it was all my fault...I would never get out of it). I told him I was having a tremor. He said that it was a dizzy spell as he began to pray for me. My father is a determined Christian preacher. He used to be in the drug life until he was 27. I later learned that he experienced with psychedelics but could never handle them.
As my dad prayed, I interrupted him: "Dad, I took shrooms. I'm having a bad trip."
He than understood. And gave me water and layed me down in my bed. I quickly blacked out, and would come back in and out, remembering bits and pieces (just like a childhood dizzy spell). As my mind coiled in the trip, I believed that I was skitzo and that this was going on forever: My dad watching over me, having to send his girlfriend home again, because of me and my schizophrenia. I lay in my bed, dwelling in the fact that I had lost my mind, and that my whole life had been like this. I had no memory of my real life. I would look at my room, and see the movies, the T.V., the computer..and see that it was something that I had done to myself...that it was a big thing to me..that this whole collection was my whole life...my whole life was in my room, and as I would undergo these tremors my dad would sit on my couch and pray for me.
As the trip passed, I quickly got up with tears in my eyes. I hugged my dad and asked him how long this had been going on for. I was shocked when he told me that it was only six hours. I truly believed that it had been days, months, even years. My dad got mad at me after the trip, and for finding the cocaine (apparently I told him that during my trip). That didn't help me. He allowed me to share the trip with him..and we both agreed that I would cold turkey on everything. I am a pot smoker, a drinker, a tolerant drug user...just a fiend...taking anything my hands could get on.
My question through out this bad trip is: Will I end up Skitzo if I continue embarking on these psychedelics? After a few weeks I did Mushrooms again...back in my bedroom the first time...it was hard..as I had that feeling that I was apart of something that was bad, that was on the Virge of insanity...but I controlled myself, and told myself that it was Mushrooms playing tricks on me. I didn't enjoy it, but I did it again the next week with my friends..this time with Weed and a little bit of Beer mixed in. I enjoyed the trip very much, the visuals were just as good as the first time. Although I did hover over thoughts that, no Matter what...I will always put myself through these trips...for good or ill. I kept thinking that this was part of my bloodline...that it is apart of my mind, my behavior, my perception of existence.
BUT...
Would it be possible that I could end up Skitso if I continue using various psychedelics? I am all for..mind over matter...I control the paranoia of marijuana very easily, and for anxiety with girls I crave, or people that pose a threat to me. But Mushrooms...I feel like maybe I need to trip more to learn how to control my behavior. Is this possible? Is there a meaning to all this? Does anyone else hover over the feeling that you are a part of a selected amount of people amongst the world, when you undergo a bad trip?


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InvisibleBlu Spore
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Silent_Vinny]
    #4007368 - 04/03/05 03:18 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Well you probably would not become "skitzo?, unless it runs in your family, but you could potentially develop anxiety from a bad trip. Personally I don?t trip more than a few times a year with big breaks in-between, this keeps my experiences interesting and also gives my brain time to adapt and recover. I know quite a few people that say they will never trip again because they over did it and now cannot trip comfortably without crippling anxiety. Also you dosed to high and your setting was not right for that dose ie: in your bedroom with your parents home


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OfflineSilent_Vinny
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Blu Spore]
    #4008431 - 04/03/05 02:28 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for the reply.
Yes, my setting wasn't the best, but the day before I experienced a successful trip while coming home from the mall, and peaking in my bedroom with my father downstairs.
My intentions for this large dosage trip was that it would kick in by the time my father and his girlfriend would leave to church. This way I could blare the music I had selected, and turn the T.V. loud.
My brothers and I would always joke and say that my father was Skitso, or that he has a multiple person disorder. He would be happy for a period of time, and then he would become furious for small stupid reasons. There is no actual diagnosed Schizophrenia in my family.
As far as anxiety is concerned, I only felt a little of it during my very next trip. But, because the dosage was only 3 grams, I could handle it, and control myself by reminding my mind that I just recently had eaten three grams of Magic Mushrooms. The trip the week after had no anxiety at all.
I was just curious that, because of the meaning of the bad trip, was it a sign that I could possibly become Schizophrenia? I think that it is all just part of the bad trip...and I know that every trip is different...I can either dwell on the fact, or I can explore new meanings.
No one has seemed to answer my question though: When you have a bad trip, and you're all alone, do you feel like that you're apart of a large group of people that suffer through the same craziness? It's difficult to explain...I'm hoping someone will identify. And has anyone had a good/bad trip, where you hovered over the idea that this was apart of you, a part of your bloodline, that you will never stop putting yourself through these trips...for good or ill?


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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Silent_Vinny]
    #4009308 - 04/03/05 07:30 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

When psychologists first studied psychedelic drugs they were looked at as being a model for artificial psychosis, mainly schizophrenia. Tripping kind of mimics a state of psychosis but it's not the same and it is temporary. Now if you?re looking for some grand meaning behind the mushroom tripping state, there isn?t one. Aside from your first few doses where you learn that there is a different way of perceiving reality out there, after that you are just repeating a state of warped reality that really doesn?t have much of a benefit to you...it's just fun :smile:

I?m not saying you should not trip, just don?t trip over and over again trying to figure out some universal lesson of the mushroom. I still trip to enhance nature, laugh hysterically, inspiration for my artwork and also just to get weird  :grin:


Edited by Blu Spore (04/03/05 09:13 PM)


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OfflineGomp
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Blu Spore]
    #4011921 - 04/04/05 09:51 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I'm not able to look up skitzo, but if it is what i think it could be..

"I am hungry" could be someone saying
"you are hungry" ...

Its all in our mind, (God) so whether you practices or not, everyone is everything.. :P (of course, including skitzo :wink: hehe )

So 'from this view', no you will not become, ...


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Edited by Gomp (04/04/05 09:51 AM)


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Offlineyogafire
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Gomp]
    #4012146 - 04/04/05 11:51 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

rather than worry about what the musrooms are doing to you, youshould be worried about what you are doing to yourself. Mushrooms are a great teacher, and it is apparent to me that this bad trip of yours is in fact a relceftion of your self, and it would be wise for you to continue on your journey of looking inward, rather than blaming the mushrooms themselves for a so-called "bad trip"


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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: yogafire]
    #4013145 - 04/04/05 05:29 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Rather then worrying about it, how about using the "enter key" a bit more... that'll be a great start to recovering.

(Didn't bother to read it btw)


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"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4014298 - 04/04/05 10:01 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

My uncle is diagnosed with schizophrenia and I take psychedelics. You shouldnt worry about schizophrenia unless its in your family. Even in your family the chances would be pretty low. Could be 1/10 to 1/100. But if your father or mother has it chances are 1/2. I woudnt worry about schizophrenia man Im actually looking forward to schizophrenia if I have it. I mean why not? Schizophrenia could be interesting and unique to observe in yourself. Why live an ordinary life?


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OfflinePowerTrip
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Silent_Vinny]
    #4014303 - 04/04/05 10:02 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

My brothers and I would always joke and say that my father was Skitso, or that he has a multiple person disorder. He would be happy for a period of time, and then he would become furious for small stupid reasons.




This actually sounds more like bipolar disorder(also known as manic depressant).

I have never had a completely bad trip so I can't really relate to your experience completely. I do believe that you are making the situation worse by dwelling on it. You seem to be paranoid about the possibility that you may develop schizophrenia at some time. Thinking about it constantly is only going to add to your mental stress and you might begin to convince yourself that you have developed a disorder. It is something like many people who take psychedelics and then constantly test their self and wonder if they have HPPD or not. They just dwell on it to the point where they convince their self that they have the disorder.

I would recommend that you try to cleanse yourself of all drugs at least for a couple months just so you can sort out your experience. You might want to look into meditation to help master your mind.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life


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OfflineTankhead
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: PowerTrip]
    #4032299 - 04/08/05 09:42 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

i am a mental health nurse. we admit people to our hospital with your problem alot. if your father IS bi polar chances are great you will suffer the same disease. and YES, you can become drug induced skitz!!! and NO, it wont go away if you dont stop ALL drug use, it will just get worse with time, sorry, Dave


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Offlinepleco
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4033996 - 04/09/05 01:10 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

it's true... you may never fully recover from the dissociative effects of the drugs.


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OfflineWysefool
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: pleco]
    #4035042 - 04/09/05 07:23 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

You know I think a big part of this bad trip was that he had done a gram of cocaine. Cocaine puts you on the edge and makes you paranoid and anxious after the initial rush which lasts what, 15 minutes? Unless you have bumps to do all night this is a horrible combination, in fact even if you could bump all night it's not really a bright idea. I know if I was tripping the fact I was also doing coke would be nagging my conscience. And to top it off I wouldn't want my church on sunday christian parents below me.

I don't see how the trip really reflects Bi-Polar, he was never happy, just scared of things you don't need to be scared of like posters - I could really see mushrooms amplifying withdrawl paranoia to a completely unbearable level and after I had gotten my dad I probably would be even more paranoid.

Just my thoughts...


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OfflineTankhead
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Wysefool]
    #4037932 - 04/10/05 07:13 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

its the chemical in shrooms that simulates the dopamine { neuro transmitters) in your brain, when you flood your brain with these mushroom chemicals your body has no need to produce them naturally and your body , for a time becomes depleted, thus, depression , paranoia, confusion, etc, they come back in time,BUT,maybe not as effective, its much worse with coke and meth, it can take 2 years which is why suicide is common for chronic users who quit. kind of a skitzo state of mind for some, your just throwing the dice with every trip !!


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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4038013 - 04/10/05 07:40 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Psilocybin stimulates the 5-HT2 (seratonin) receptors, not dopamine..
Do you have a source for your information?


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OfflineGog
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4038129 - 04/10/05 08:04 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I hate to say this because it might sound ignorant and pompous.

But it sounds like you are a pretty young man. That, and/or you lack self-awareness and assertion to the degree that you popped a shitload of mushrooms into your mouth, then went crying to your nutty churchy father for help when things broke down. (bad idea, I think)

Im almost 19, and I've been taking drugs since I was 15; when I was 16 I ignorantly stuffed 4.5 grams of liberty caps into my mouth while my parents were asleep, and I was with a friend at home. (4 g's of libs is about the same as 7 or 8 grams of cubensis). I compare that experience directly to yours. I was a young, foolish bastard rushing into the hallucinogenic experience because it seemed exciting and entertaining. But it took me a good 3 years to recover from that trip, which was preceded in fact by one good shroom trip, and one terribly bad acid trip (bad acid trip can=hell for life).

A bad trip is Hell - it is when you are in an egoless state of mind, and cling to the folly of modern day life. This causes you to become about as jangled and Fucked up as a plastic school chair designed to bend children's backs. But this is the nature of our modern existence. It is very unenlightened. If you abuse the mushroom, it will abuse you. And if you think you can control the mushroom like a line of coke, you are sadly mistaken.

Buddhist monks know that psychedelics produce a state of enlightenment. Since you don't reach that state on your own, if you can't handle it, you're fucked. So it can be a good thing and a bad thing. If you keep abusing these sacred remnants of ancient people, you will become reduced to the speck of dirt that you think is so meaningless (I assume).

Don't turn around when your path gets weird and grimy.

And like a previous poster said: everything is everyone. Everyone is everything. This is that. You are me. this isn't "skitzo" - it's basic reality. it may sound weird to our manicured ears, but it's the raw nature of reality speaking to us in weird voices squelched under piles of candies and tooth brushes.

Simplified: mushrooms=crazy. crazy=absolution. Accept absolution, and accept all. Yay!

This is my opinion on the Absolute and why it fucks fun-seeking fools up the ass.

I'm not a mystic, but I know roughly what to emphasize in life, finally.

I'm just a hunk of raw flesh. my life and death affects a select few. I am by far more detrimental to my environment than otherwise. so i know to respect death, and the dead, and not to piss myself when their voices scream to me from the darkness. Don't eat mushrooms unless you can handle this "darker side" of life.


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OfflineTankhead
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Gog]
    #4038227 - 04/10/05 08:35 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Sorry, my mistake,BUT, yhe facts remain the same!!!


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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4038335 - 04/10/05 09:09 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

But no they don't. Since mushrooms act on a different neurotransmitter,
they can no longer be directly compared to meth or cocaine.


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OfflineTankhead
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: BloodNOil]
    #4038629 - 04/10/05 10:26 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

i have worked as a nures on a mental health unit at local hospital for some time now, lets just say i know what i see when these people are brought into the hospital in a psychotic state ,pissing and shitting them selves, its not pretty, it can last for weeks, doesnt really matter the technical aspect, but i stand corrected friend.


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OfflineGog
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4041873 - 04/11/05 06:29 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"i have worked as a nures on a mental health unit at local hospital for some time now, lets just say i know what i see when these people are brought into the hospital in a psychotic state ,pissing and shitting them selves, its not pretty, it can last for weeks, doesnt really matter the technical aspect, but i stand corrected friend."


You can bathe in schizophrenic's feces for all I care. It doesn't mean you know anything about mushrooms, or life for that matter. If anything, it gives you a biased and skewed perspective.

I believe some have committed suicide while under the influence of mushrooms, LSD, and probably every drug in existence. Marijuana has had its hand in murders, suicides, robberies. Yet it is a very benign and undamaging substance to those whose heads are somewhat on their shoulders.

And if you are "screwed up", take the drugs anyway - might as well get that stuff out in the open, as Leary once said.

And he has seen countless psychotics run into walls, shove rubber duckies up their asses, and jam hairbrushes down their urethras.


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OfflinePsillyNilly
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Re: Bad Trip: I was skitzo. Will I become? [Re: Tankhead]
    #4044167 - 04/12/05 05:08 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I do not work in a hospital or have any professional training it medicine but was admitted to a psych.asylum way before I even touched drugs (besides casual highschool alcohol). One thing that I learned is that usually drugs don't make somebody schizo-MPD(DID)-Manic Depressive or Bi-Polar, but most of the time, somebody who is already starting to show signs of these mental disorders will turn to drugs to numb or cover them up (with much failure of course). It is no secret that psychedelics will emerge repressed thoughts, or underlying psychotic conditions but I speak on behalf of not only this community but my 35 some odd friends who all would say psychedelics has helped/pleasured them more than it has caused hurt or damage.
The description of somebody shitting themselves screaming and frantic in a hostpital bed sounds more like a hard Meth comedown, a PCP tweaker or some severe opiate withdrawl a lot more then it does a hallucoinogenic trip. If these people were indeed under a psychedelic (LSD, Mushrooms, Mescaline DMT etc?) and they were indeed kickin and screamin for weeks then most likely they either ingested hundreds of doses or the psychedelic just surfaced a ticking psychotic disorder.


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