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OfflineBrAiN
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Registered: 03/01/01
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luv
    #4001584 - 04/01/05 06:47 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Love is a weird thing.

I had a g/f in college. She was 2 years older than me. She was my soulmate. Problem was, we both had smoe grownig that needed to be done. Her dad was dying, she had responsibilies at home and her parents' store, and she was trying to finsih college. We both had drug problems, I was trying to get through college and deal with anxiety attacks.

I ended up breaknig it off with her which devastated her. It wasn't because I fell out of love with her. I was just young and I was gonna' flip my shit. It was the first real relationship either one of us had been in.

Things got weird for a bit. I started seeing this chick she hated ... in the meantime her dad passed on.

Anyways... all this was back in Maryland. I moved to cali a year and a half ago and I've been thinkin' a lot about her. We've talked and we both still have feelings for each other and are attracted to each other, but just won't admit it.

I've never believed in destiny before, but it's weird. Every chance to 'hook up' that we've have when I go back east or when she comes out west gets completely ruined by random chance. It's happened so many times and with such accuracy that I'm almost convinced there's a reason behind it. She's finally getting on with her life after her dad thing.. and becoming more independant... and I'm out in cali doing the starving artist thing that I've needed to do for so long.

Everytime we get together for some reason it seems like fate is keeping us apart for some reason. I still love her and I've got the feeling she feels the same way. This is the only chick I can ever see myself being with for the rest of my life. I've never met anyone like her and I doubt I ever will.

I'm getting older (25.. she's 27) and part of me wants to settle down... but the other half of me wants to move to san fran for the next to years to take this college opporunity and follow my dream of becoming a photographer... and give it everything I have.

In the back of my mind, I feel like if we got back together now, it'd be great, but with my trying to make it in the art world, and her trying to get back into school to go after what she loves, we'd both fuck it up again. It drives me nuts.. but for some reason, for the first time ni my life, I feel like I have this destiny. I've got a lot of shit I'm struggling with on top of this... and it's like every force on the planet is trying to pull me away from what I need to do in San Fran... but despite the odds... I've got this strange feeling of confidence that if I stick to my guns no matter what.. in 5 years I'll be exactly where I want to be...

It's the weirdest feelnig... maybe it's destiny.. or maybe I'm just crazy...

anyone else every feel like they have sort of a 'fate' that's waiting for them?


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Offlinestarptv23
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Re: luv [Re: BrAiN]
    #4001693 - 04/01/05 07:22 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

just go with the flow..everything happens for a reason..no matter how weird-fucked up or good it is..( i know everyone says it but it is true)...time will only tell if you are ment to be with her...It does sound like you love her, but maybe friends for now is what you both need to grow on your own path in life to teach each other in the end, ...if not you always have a great friend you can count on and you will always know there is love there ...good luck and i hope you both find your path back to each others hearts... :heart: :tongue2: :sun:


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"Six words: drop out, turn on, then come back and tune it in -and then drop out again, and turn on, and tune it back in-it's a rhythm- most of us think God made this universe in nature-subject object-predicate sentences-turn on, tune in, drop out- period, end of paragraph. Turn the page- it's all a rhythm- it's all a beat. You turn on, you find it inside, and then you have to come back (since you can't stay high all the time) and you have to build a better model. But don't get caught - don't get hooked - don't get attracted by the thing you're building, cause... you gotta drop out again. It's a cycle. Turn on, tune in, drop out. Keep it going, keep it going- the nervous system works that way. gotta keep it flowing- keep it flowing.


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: luv [Re: starptv23]
    #4001933 - 04/01/05 08:26 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

starptv23 said:
just go with the flow..everything happens for a reason..no matter how weird-fucked up or good it is..( i know everyone says it but it is true)...time will only tell if you are ment to be with her...It does sound like you love her, but maybe friends for now is what you both need to grow on your own path in life to teach each other in the end, ...if not you always have a great friend you can count on and you will always know there is love there ...good luck and i hope you both find your path back to each others hearts... :heart: :tongue2: :sun:




rock on.. this was the kind of affirmation I really needed. I dunno'.. it'd drive me nuts to know if I had to spend the rest of my life being 'just friends' with her... but fuck it... we'll see.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: luv [Re: BrAiN]
    #4005878 - 04/02/05 07:46 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

ask her to move to cali.


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 27,983
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Re: luv [Re: BrAiN]
    #4006054 - 04/02/05 08:34 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah, I feel like I have a fate as well.


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: luv [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #4006131 - 04/02/05 08:58 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

HELLA_TIGHT said:
ask her to move to cali.




Meh. I can't. I have the feeling that we're meant to be together, but not right now. She just got over her dad dying recently and she's trying to save money to get into school.. I'm struggling to get into an artistic field. We're both broke. She's VERY close to her family on the east coast. She's still influenced by some of her old school Korean culture... She's not the type to just run off from her family and alope.

If we ever got together again it wouldn't be for a couple of years. We both have a lot of growing to do. I think if we got together any time in the near future, it would end in disaster.

I just have this feeling like ours paths are going in different directions for now, but they'll cross again in the future... like they're -supposed- to cross again in the future... but I'm not going to force it.

The next time I try to get together with her I want to prove to her that I'm in it for life... and not that I'm just some lonely schmuck that misses his ex g/f and wants to drag her out here to keep my company. I could see myself graduating from SFSU within the next two years and moving back east for good to try and win her back... maybe try to get a job with a magazine or a newspaper or something.


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