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OfflineReal_Poopypants
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trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow...
    #3983949 - 03/29/05 04:26 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I know this is a little long, but I appreciate you taking the time to read it. The first couple of hours were kind of a blur. I'm forgetting a few things that happened, but most of the trip was spent writing things down. Some things that I had bottled up inside of me spilled out onto the pages. It was very emotional and therapeutic and I am grateful that I was able to have this rewarding experience.

--------------------------------------------------------
On Friday night (March 25th), after getting home from work, I decided to take some mushrooms. This is a very strange thing because I had never taken shrooms before. I had never taken any drugs before. To just decide, on a whim, that I would trip on this particular night is very strange indeed. It?s 2:15am on Saturday when I get around to ingesting the mushrooms ? 4 small, dry shrooms taken with a light snack of vegetables and some kind of dip. I don?t know how much the dried mushrooms weighed because I don?t have a scale. They were very small. It couldn?t have been more than maybe 2 grams, probably less.
My house is full of people, mostly relatives visiting for the weekend. I have absolutely no anxiety over this. Normally I would wait to do something like this when I?m home alone. The thought of someone finding out that I?m on some kind of drugs should have kept me from even trying it. I guess I figured it would be as good a time as any. One of my cousins is standing beside me while I?m eating, unaware of course.
I decide to watch some TV in my room while I?m waiting. I put on an episode of Gargoyles that I had started to watch earlier. I figure it will take about 30 minutes for the mushrooms to take effect. I was pretty close in my estimate. The show finished. I turned off the TV and shut my eyes. At this point I think I actually fell asleep for a few minutes. When I woke up the clock said 2:45. I was wide awake and feeling a little strange. I could tell something was happening. I was starting to see coloured patterns and faces in the dark, with my eyes opened or closed. The colours got more intense and I started to smile. I couldn?t help it. I was grinning from ear to ear. I lost track of the time, but I must have been in this state for almost an hour. I began laughing at one point. Not quite out loud, I was trying to hold it in. My parents are asleep in the room next to me; my sister sleeps down the hall.
It took a while to work up the courage, but eventually I got out of bed and went downstairs to go pee. When I turned on the light I was amazed at the vivid colours and sharpness of the objects in the room. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror and was very pleased at what I saw. I decided that I should put my contacts in so I could see things more clearly. While I was doing this, my dad came down the stairs. I didn?t notice. He walked into the bathroom and startled me a little. I avoided eye contact and conversation. I left the bathroom and stood in the dark kitchen until he went back to bed. One of my cats wanted to go outside, so I opened the door and let her out. I stood by the door watching the moon for what seemed like only a few seconds. Something caught my eye and I looked down to see this white mist slithering its way toward the door. The way it was moving was beautiful. It turned out to be my cat who is all white. I let her in and picked her up. I got the feeling that she didn?t want to be picked up and put her back down on the floor. My mom came down just then to use the bathroom. I stayed in the kitchen until she went back upstairs. I sat on the floor to pet my cat. I remember feeling like I was heavier or maybe anchored to the floor somehow. It took some effort to get back up.
When I decided to go back up to my room, I locked the door and sat on my bed. I was telling myself ? out loud a couple of times ? that I should be writing this down. My discman was sitting beside my bed so I put the headphones on and listened to the cd that happened to be in, Toadies ? Rubberneck. I skipped to the last song called ?I Burn? and played it over and over. The music sounded so good. The sun was coming up now. I had the blankets pulled over my head to keep it dark. I don?t know how I went from the music to writing, but I sat on my bed, facing the window, with a huge smile on my face. This is what I wrote:


There?s nothing to write about.
The suns already up. I should be out there.
I love this.
Life is beautiful.
Why am I up here?
The pen feels good. I wish I could pay it back.
Light came on for the baby. I can see her crying.
Not enough paper. What does that mean? I can?t write fast enough or good enough?
Trying to focus, but it?s hard when everything shines.
I wish I felt like this forever no pain. I?m smiling for the first time and it feels great.
I need more paper. I want to share this with someone. I love to write.

upon the air we breathe
from the earth will I leave
I?ve been here long enough
but my time isn?t up

There?s no map ? how do I know when I?m myself? My own eyes can?t tell. It?s like that song?
I should be outside. It?s beautiful ? I don?t use that word enough.
I haven?t stopped smiling since I ?awoke?
I love my mom and my dad, but they can?t know.
The birds are better at this than me. They do it everyday. I should write everything down.
Not enough paper.
Time fly?s like the birds outside my window.
Somebody is leaving us. Too early. There could be meaning behind this.
I don?t know
too slow
not today
there he goes
look out below

My part of the world looks good. I should go outside and see more of it. Stop wasting time. just do it.
scribbling
all just scribbling
more paper

I put them in order. This is how songs come out. Perhaps I should try drawing. Is that a question? Who? I should be there with you. on the wings like you. beautiful!
how do I get there from here? I hope this happens again. I like being lost. out of control. lock me up I?m crazy.
I will use that word ? beautiful ? more than once. The page filled with it. running over line by line. nothing on the line. I don?t know what that means but it makes sense.
I?m laughing now. Not out loud though. I don?t want to wake mum.
more paper
There must be a time when the words come out the easiest. That?s when I?ll write because noone can tell me it?s wrong. It?s what I meant to say. It might sound like gibberish but believe me there?s a message. You should listen. You might like it.
What a beautiful day! Ha beautiful. I like it. The best poetry is written on days like this. Just like this. I don?t see how it could be any better.
I hope my mom reads this. This is who I am. I?ve never cried so much. It was easy.
Some day my mom will read this. Maybe today. lets hope. We?re so close, but too far still.
someday.
I wish I could feel like this everyday.
It?s going to be a good day.
I should write that letter, but I?ll wait ?till I make sense.
I should wake mom up now and make her read. It will be good for her. See her son with new eyes. I?ve never felt like this before. Only read about it.
Why did I wait so long? Nobody made me do this.
I used to be able to write so well. What happened?
I should go outside.
I need a change of scenery. Change of people new friends ? old ones don?t work anymore. I will be different, but I won?t change. How many have done this before me? They will think I?m new.
I know why people smile. It?s hard to put into words though. Just look out the window. It?s beautiful ? it gets easier every time. I knew I had it in me. At least somebody knows.

you know all those fucked up lyrics
you wonder where they come from
I can show you the place.
It?s not far.
just outside the door.
I?ll wait here.

There?s nothing wrong with me. Just need a tune-up. spiritual over-haul. I?m still smiling and crying. It?s not easy to do. If my mom asks I?ll tell her.
I?m going to like reading this later. I wish I could write better. beautifully.
There?s a girl I like. I should write for her. I should practice. I can?t remember what I wrote down not long ago. The memory will come back someday. I?ll be waiting?

What a waste of paper. I wish I could put it to better use. I should stop saying ?I wish?. Wishing gets you no where nothing. There are no genies. My lamp is empty. I miss the sun. I think I?ll go outside, but not until the writing stops. This could take a while. I might never feel like this again. It?s hard to believe I can?t feel like this all the time. Let off the pressure a little life isn?t hard ? just smile and go outside. If this is the last thing I write I will be happy. It?s not a masterpiece, but it?s mine.

It feels so good to let this out. I need a switch so I can turn it on and off, but I have to hide it where others won?t notice.
I haven?t been able to sit for so long at one thing fro a very, very long time. My mind races. Kinda like now, but different. I can?t make decisions. Can?t take a test without the questions.
I need some water. So many tears my mouth is dry. I?m happy though.
So happy.
Unbelievably happy
So happy I can?t even spell.

My mom would be crying by now. 2nd or third page in, easy. I know her. She doesn?t know I know, but I do.
shaking now.
this is hard.
It flowed so easily to now.
My sheet is wet - soggy with tears. Have to be quiet now, the world is waking up. They will see me, hear me.
I hope they see me.
I?m not invisible.
I will show this to her. She will see. I?ve done good. I should write everyday. Maybe I should go outside now.

I stare at my ceiling. I should be looking up at the sky. That?s where I want to be.
So many people don?t know me. No one is even close. I want them to read this page first. Laughing while I write? That means I?m getting better.
Most people know my name, my face, but I?m just a picture hanging on the wall. They only notice when it?s out of place, crooked.
I feel much better now. Maybe this is coming to an end? I hope not. I?ve never felt so awake, alive. I?m writing like I dream ? fragmented. You have to find meaning.

51/2 hours and counting. When I woke up today I woke up. I might never do this again. If emotion had energy I could have harnessed it, sold it to California. Not sure what that means. OK, you can stop reading now.

I should do it now while there?s still time. No time to second guess. It would be a shame to waste it, to hide it away. Stored in a cool dry place away from prying eyes, crying eyes.

Is there a better word for happy? I?m more than happy. Ecstatic even. I keep looking out the window expecting it to leave me. It won?t. I see that now.

I love my family. They will know that someday. When you put it in writing you can?t take it back. It?s there staring at you. telling you to remember. I will remember. I?ll remember how this felt. This is the best day of my life. I?m 25 years old. I hope I live to be 900. I will remember even then.

No end in sight. I hope I haven?t gone crazy. That happens you know? Off the deep end. no apparent reason. My reason? extreme joy?? That?s the only way to describe it. God, someone has to read this and tell me that it?s there ?cause I won?t belive it. I don?t do this shit. They?ll never see it coming. Getting off topic now. What is the topic? Seems like I wrote this a week ago? it?s only 7:45a.m.

I guess I found a use for all that scrap paper. I will have to start using my journal. That?s what I bought it for. I think I can slow down now. No one will read this far except me.

My plants look happy when the sun comes up. so green. shiny. velvety. I thought they looked shitty, but they were just waiting.

I really hope I haven?t gone absolutely nuts. This did happen. Can?t take it back now.

I?m going to let my mom read this.

I went through hell last night ? It was amazing. I?m shaking pretty bad right now. I don?t know what I?m going to do. Everything has changed. I hope I can handle this gift. It is a gift. From who, I don?t know. To be a gift it has to be from someone. Will the mystery person please stand up.

I?ve never cried so much in my life. Maybe when I was a baby, but that is a life long forgotten. I would imagine that I was pretty happy then. Everything was decided for me. I?m so tired right now. I think I?ll sleep until Monday. Fuck work. They can wait for me for a change. It takes a lot out of you ? writing like this, I mean. It?s just pen to paper, but it means something this time. I?m happy that I got the chance to do this.

I hope that someday I will change someone?s life. Have a mother-fucking impact. I want to make a difference. I?m ignoring the pain for now. I can write a little while longer. I still have things to say. I will have a lot more to say too.
------------------------------------------------

I would have continued to write had my mom not got out of bed at this time. When she walked by my door I told her to come in to my room. I hugged her and asked her to read what I had just written. She asked if I was on drugs. I said no. The rest of the story is between my mom and I.


--------------------
Salvia Experiences:

First Time With Salvia

A Visit With The Queen

Mushroom Experiences:

My first mushroom trip changed my life.


Edited by Real_Poopypants (04/01/05 12:23 AM)


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Offlinebixo
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first time. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #3984033 - 03/29/05 04:49 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

That was a great read man, glad you had a good experience and thanks for writing all that down.. 5 shrooms without a doubt :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2: :mushroom2:


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Offlinebetardfoozer
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first time. wow... [Re: bixo]
    #3984386 - 03/29/05 09:01 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

people home for a first trip? ur a brave soul. :P

nice read


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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first time. wow... [Re: betardfoozer]
    #3985175 - 03/29/05 02:30 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I agree you are very brave. Shrooms are better for a time when you can be yourself and let it all hang out. It is only a distraction to have to worry about mom and dad. When you can let them out of your mind and lose even that, you will be privelage to the true magic of mushrooms. I know what you feel is liberating, but this is the ultimate liberation. You will no longer ask who it is the gives the gift, you will KNOW.

Good report, great writing. You remind me of myself, does that say something? It should... :thumbup: :grin: :sun: :heart:


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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OfflineToddo
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first time. wow... [Re: mecreateme]
    #3987459 - 03/29/05 11:06 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

WOW...that was a really nice report to read. I'm going to be tripping alone tonight (3:45AM) I was getting a little nervous...after reading your trip report, I feel like I'm ready to take it on.


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Shroomery Composition Contest


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OfflineShroomehlouah
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first time. wow... [Re: Toddo]
    #3989405 - 03/30/05 10:49 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Heh funny you mentioned you wanted to make a difference, you just did to the guy above pal congrats on a great first trip and a great first trip report!


--------------------
"If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on."


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OfflineReal_Poopypants
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Shroomehlouah]
    #3998145 - 04/01/05 01:04 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and the ratings.

In hind sight, doing this with a house full of people was probably not a good idea, but at the time I had absolutely no fears whatsoever. If someone had caught me or found out I would have dealt with it. No problem. If, while I was tripping, I had decided that I needed to talk to someone I might have had some problems. Especially at 4am. I was lucky that my outlet seemed to be to write things down. I have always been like that though. I can communicate very well through writing - not so well through conversation, so it was a natural thing for me to document my experience on paper.
I have had a problem with anxiety and depression since I was 11 years old. I recently found help in the form of group therapy. It has helped me tremendously. I no longer feel trapped within myself. This shroom experience was like the final piece of the puzzle. The day after this trip, while sitting at work, I wrote the following:

"I would like to know what it feels like to change someones life for the better; to help someone become a better person and in so doing, better myself. I'm 25 years old and I haven't even made an impact, not so much as a ripple. It's like i've been invisible all my life. My hands pass through all that I touch. In a sense I have been paralyzed since I was 11 years old. Unable to communicate with the outside world, I locked myself inside my own mind. I constructed a fantasy world for myself complete with meaningful friendships, a purpose for life, even love. In reality these things escaped me.
I recently had an experience which has profoundly changed the way that I view myself and the world around me. I was shown the potential hiding inside me just below the surface. This potential is in all of us. I realize now that I have been wasting my time. There is nothing to be afraid of. My fear of being ridiculed by others - of being embarassed by who I am - these are what have kept me in a state of mental and social paralysis for so many years. Not anymore. I have broke free. I will no longer let fear rule my life. To waste more time on such things would be terrible. It saddens me to think of the wasted years alone in my room, alone in my world. So, I will no longer think about it. I will move one. I'll remember the few happy moments from my youth and carry them forward to my new life".

For the past year I have been planning on going back to school. In September I will be moving across the country, to B.C., to attend school there. Up until recently (ie. before the trip) I had been so sure that I would fail and that my plan was just a pipedream. I just assumed that I would be too afraid to leave. This trip showed me that I have indeed been on the right track. A change of scenery is what I need. I've never been excited about anything in my life. It feels good.


--------------------
Salvia Experiences:

First Time With Salvia

A Visit With The Queen

Mushroom Experiences:

My first mushroom trip changed my life.


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Offlinesublime40oz
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #4005522 - 04/02/05 05:41 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

:thumbup: I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Props for getting over your problems. Enjoy the rest of your life bro.


--------------------
Beyond the gray sky


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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: sublime40oz]
    #4005584 - 04/02/05 05:53 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah great job. You have used the mushrooms to really impact yourself, an accomplished feat! Don't forget the things you have learned, they try and fade like dreams. We are all equal, each and every one of us is the same, it is all in you. Hell, everyone in the world is so full of their own problems, how could one allow the abomination that is society drag them down? Again, nice, you have seen the light!


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #4011879 - 04/04/05 09:26 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Wow..what an awesome read! That reminded me of my second mushroom trip..(my first trip was weak).
My second trip had much more of an impact than the first. I reevaluated life...I took it from a different angle.
My life has been much more fullfilling since then.

You definately deserve 5 mushies for that!
Live life to it's fullest.

~Desiree~:heart:


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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OfflineReal_Poopypants
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #4043245 - 04/12/05 12:11 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Desiree said:
Wow..what an awesome read! That reminded me of my second mushroom trip..(my first trip was weak).
My second trip had much more of an impact than the first. I reevaluated life...I took it from a different angle.
My life has been much more fullfilling since then.

You definately deserve 5 mushies for that!
Live life to it's fullest.

~Desiree~:heart:




I have definitely reevaluated things in the last couple of weeks since my trip. My life is headed in a new direction and I'm doing things that I had put off for so long. The anxiety that I once had is all but gone and I'm actually excited about going back to school.
Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate it.


--------------------
Salvia Experiences:

First Time With Salvia

A Visit With The Queen

Mushroom Experiences:

My first mushroom trip changed my life.


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OfflineGalufTheNinja
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #4043597 - 04/12/05 01:41 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

That's amazing, great to hear you got so much out of a trip. I'm going to try for a more profound trip the next few times I experiment with shrooms. So far, I've had only two true trips, and each seemed rather mundane. Well, good luck, dude.


--------------------
"You've got to strike while the moment is right, without thinking!" --Pink Floyd, Dogs


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Invisibledoubledutch
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: GalufTheNinja]
    #4723481 - 09/28/05 02:14 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

CLAP. CLAP. CLAP. CLAP. Clap. CLAP. CLAP. CLAP. CLAP CLAP. CLAP. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP. CLAP.


--------------------
"A delightful, wholesome experience for the family." - Desson Thomson, THE WASHINGTON POST

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...rue#Post5481456

omfg~dutch!


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OfflineReal_Poopypants
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: doubledutch]
    #4739376 - 10/01/05 01:30 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

I suppose I could post an update since my thread has been bumped to the top.
I followed through with my plan to move out west and I'm having the time of my life. I love it here. The Vancouver area is amazing.
I haven't done shrooms since June, but I think I will do it again soon. I feel the anxiety creeping back once in a while, but I have been able to keep it in check. Mushrooms definitely helped me with that problem.
btw, the women here are absolutely amazing.  :grin:


--------------------
Salvia Experiences:

First Time With Salvia

A Visit With The Queen

Mushroom Experiences:

My first mushroom trip changed my life.


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Offlinerobmac9090
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #4742586 - 10/01/05 11:13 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

fantastic writing. I wrote down a lot of my thoughts while I was coming down from my first trip and it is eerie how similar your comments are to my own. You've very brave for sharing it with everyone.


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Offlinezappa
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: robmac9090]
    #5373606 - 03/07/06 11:21 AM (10 years, 8 months ago)

good job of writing all that down. i kept writing, and i didnt realize that i had written most of my trip on my lap. it was really wierd, but i mannaged to later decode it and put it in a trip journal


--------------------
:blackspy: :whitespy: :snowman: :farmerdance: :scaryshroom: :bananahorsey: :bananabang:

I :heart: GARY SINISE!!!!


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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Real_Poopypants]
    #5391221 - 03/12/06 09:36 AM (10 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Real_Poopypants said:
Mushrooms definitely helped me with that problem.
btw, the women here are absolutely amazing.  :grin:




The women arent any different, my friend....

You are the one who is different.

The women just pick up on it and respond differently to you, thanks to your lack of anxiety :wink:





btw, nice post +5 for you


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future


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Offlinefreezepooter
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Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: niteowl]
    #5396139 - 03/13/06 08:31 PM (10 years, 8 months ago)

this is a great line. i can relate.

"Most people know my name, my face, but I?m just a picture hanging on the wall. They only notice when it?s out of place, crooked."
-you


--------------------
"The mountains are calling and I must go." - John Muir


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OfflineNirvana7
stupid doodiehead, class 7
Male

Registered: 10/30/04
Posts: 465
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: freezepooter]
    #5397667 - 03/14/06 04:24 AM (10 years, 8 months ago)

very nice. im glad for you man, it sounds like you found personal happiness. i hope you have that happiness till the end of time and then some man.


--------------------
________zombie_________

??????? ??  :bubs:??????????:tombstone:


Nirvana7=the enlightenment AND the band


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Offlineinv3rse
OP-4Warez/0day-warezon Rizon
Male

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 311
Loc: Denver, CO
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: trip report: small dose of mushrooms. first trip ever. wow... [Re: Nirvana7]
    #5403748 - 03/15/06 04:24 PM (10 years, 8 months ago)

very nice man! :smile:


--------------------
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or
insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

"Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era - -the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant."

Hunter S. Thompson.


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