Home | Community | Message Board


Edabea
Please support our sponsors.

Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Amazon Shop for: The Doors

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
OfflineTurricaN
Grasshopper
Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 818
Loc: Apeldoorn, Netherlands
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone)
    #3975486 - 03/27/05 10:31 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I promised to follow up my questions earlier with a trip report, so here it is, although to be quite honest, I really don't know what to make of it.  This was my first trip alone and it was insanely intense compared to what I have experienced before.  I didn't do a great deal of moving, most of the trip was spent lying down in darkness, and most of what is described isn't visual, but feelings and thoughts; it's difficult to put into words, but I'll try my best. :smile:

Firstly, I would like to explain my choice of music, as I don't have normal tastes in music.  It went something like this:  About one and a half hours of upbeat Japanese pop and videogame remixes, which gradually turns more serious and orchestral, eventually turning into very peaceful and powerful music.  This is followed by a change to the Unreal videogame soundtrack, which has a distinctly lonely alien feel to it.  I threw in a bit of light life in the middle so as not to get too lonely.  This lasts for about an hour.  What follows is basically some very strange tracks (more videogame remixes), and eventually a return to human life, with more upbeat tracks.

I used the XMMS-Crossfade plugin for playing music.  It automically removes the silences from between the tracks and crossfades each track to the next giving a continuous flow of music.  It's a very cool piece of software for tripping.

I'll put links to some of the tracks throughout the report in case anyone is interested in hearing them.  They are freely (*legally*) available on the web, created by hobbyists.  I hope I am not breaking any of the forum rules by doing this.  For reference, all of the free tracks can be downloaded at http://remix.kwed.org/

-----------

Prologue:

I don't really know if this is worth including here or even relevent, but I did find it quite interesting.  The night before the actual trip, I had a trip in my dream.  It seems to be related to the fact that my subconsious was aware that I was going to trip.  In my dream, I was lying down waiting for the shrooms to take effect, and when they did, the change was quite sudden.  The visuals were quite vivid with lots of morphing objects and writing appearing on walls and the cieling.  I also had a trip sitter who was sober.  My trip sitter was actually a colleague from work and isn't someone who I've ever met outside work, which seemed quite strange.

I felt the same uneasiness that I had from my first trip.  It resembled my previous trip far more than the one that I was about to take.  I'm not sure what it meant, but it was a lot more vivid than most dreams that I have.

-----------

The Trip:

I ate the 10 grams of fresh Cyans at 18:00 and started the playlist.  I was feeling a little nervous to say the least, especially when the nausea kicked in.  I was feeling it easily within 20 minutes, heavy shoulders and movement becoming increasingly difficult; confusion and forgetfullness in what I was doing.  I closed the curtains, unlocked the doors (I don't know why, but I felt much more comfortable with the doors unlocked) and lay down on the sofa.

I felt completely uneasy for a while.  It had only been 25 minutes and I decided to get up and take a look outside.  I opened the door to the back garden and a distant voice made me jump.  I looked around and my landlord was standing in the garden.  The landlady then came out of the house and started talking to me about a tree that they had just cut down and asked me if I'd like to go for a walk on Monday, I said yes and tried to act normal, but talking to people was just making me more nervous and uneasy and she suspected that something was wrong.  I explained to her that I was confused as I had just eaten mushrooms and had to go back inside.

I lay down again on the sofa (it's one of those corner ones) with way as many pillows as I could find, using the coffee table as additional support, and watched as the oh-so-famaliar patterns appeared on the door in my room; the ones that had taken at least three hours to emerge on my last trip had appeard this time in under 30 minutes.  It was at that point that I knew that I was in for an insane trip.  Nausea and visual patterns do not mix very well.

I closed my eyes and listened.  The Japanese pop music was light and upbeat, and nice introduction to my journey that was to come.  I rearranging the position of the sofa so that the speakers were directly in front of me, which took a lot of effort at this point, and then lay there trying to ignore the feeling of uncertainty and let myself go.  It wasn't easy, but eventually I was feeling okay again (if there can be any sense of "OK" in what I was experiencing).  The music continued and sang to me in a beautiful voice; "Angel, take my hand and we'll fly away to La-la land!" and I was finally peaceful.

The music was utterly beautiful.  Not the flying feeling that I had anticipated when I had planned the playlist, but beautiful nonetheless.  It was quite the opposite to flying.  More a deepening of the sense of the journey, going further down into the unknown.  The joyful music continued as I headed deeper into what would become a far more meaningful and serious journey.

Then as expected, the music took a more serious and insightful turn.  The soft voice and the eerie soundtrack was incredible, the Light of Love.  It took me back to a peaceful time, before human life.  A perfect, unspoilt world.  The grass, trees and plant life all flowed within me.  It felt like I was at the beginning of Earths existence, and everything was perfect.  The minutes lasted hours and it was utterly peaceful.  This wasn't to last however.

Then the forests began to expand into vast jungles.  The light shone through as life flourished and animal and human life were born.  Questions were beginnig to be asked.  What was life?  What is the meaning of Earth?  Why are we here?  The vast forest and jungles became deeper and darker as life overwhelmed the Earth.  The colours were brilliant, bright shades of green, brown, pink and yellow.  Again, I synchronised with the Earth and all was once again peaceful.

And yet, through the midst of the peace, I couldn't help but think that this was the beginning, that everything would once again turn chaotic, and I would be shown the sharp contrast between the beginning and the present.  I had chosen to experience this.  I wanted it to happen.  But nothing mattered, and that is all that mattered.

The uneasiness grew as the music took a slightly more uncertain turn.  The whispering voice in the song spoke, as if trying to pull me into the secrets of the universe, and with a soft pop, the hole closed and my opportunity vanished once again.  It's hard to explain that I was hearing the music at it's normal speed, and yet it seemed to last for hours.

Then everything changed.

A new world was forming.  Not Earth, but a distant world, vast, empty and dark.  A rocky, lonely planet with a beautiful purple sky and not a single sign of life around me.  Vast canyons surrounded me.  I was alone to think.  At least for a while.  I thought long and hard about everything.  How I was everything, and how nothing mattered.  All of my thoughts led back to this same conclusion, nothing matters, and it was funny to me that I was never able to figure it out before when it had been so simple.  Even the concept of God was no longer significant and didn't matter.  There was nothing left to be afraid of.

But what was this alien world?  Who were the aliens?  The thoughts stuck in my mind.  And then it occurred to me.  We are the aliens!  Everyone is alien!  And sure enough, I felt the presence of them standing around me.  Not afraid, just watching, with me.  Curious to see where the universe is leading us.  Life was coming back, human life, and it was different somehow, but nothing mattered.

Eventually the human life took over again.  Over seven minutes, which seemed like hours, life was vibrant.  Conflict was back.  The seriousness of human conflict and war was present, in a medieval sense.  I sensed the aggression and the power of huge civilisations, but looked down on it as a higher being.  Non of it mattered, because no matter what, everything would always be perfect.

Suddenly I was thrown back into the alien world to think again.  This time life and technology had evolved somewhat.  I was no longer in the vast canyons under the clear deep purple skies.  I was in a room, rather metalic with devices in the surrounding area, like an alien spaceship.  I was lying on something in the center of the room.  The aliens looked down at me, observing me as though studying human life, but they didn't make a sound.  Then the time loop hit me, or so I thought.  The same two seconds of music repeated over and over for what seemed like at least an hour.

There is a lesson to be learned here: If you rip and edit music yourself, make sure that it plays back properly *BEFORE* tripping.  Listening to a two second soundbuffer repeat over and over because you deleted the source file before it had finished exporting is a downright scary and confusing experience, even when in reality it only lasts 30 seconds.  Interesting nonetheless, but still not pleasent.

Then I was on my way again, through the lonely lifeless planet until I finally came to rest.  The peacefulness and tranquility surrounded me in complete darkness.  I was no longer on the alien world, nor any other world.  I was in emptiness of space, about to return to reality.  The wormhole was approaching fast, and I was about to be pulled through to the other side, back to human life.

The wormhole was long (11 minutes in reality, hours in subjective time) and was mostly smooth, interesting and somewhat turbulant at times as I hit the different sections.  Eventually I emerged on the other side to the sound of rushing waters and rivers, and human life.  Again, a different Earth from the one I left.  This one had a magical and evil presence.  Dragons, wolves and phoenixes were present.  I could feel their spirits within me.  Still, nothing mattered, because I was observing, in no danger.

More music continued.  Jeff Waynes War Of The Worlds remix tracks were a joy to listen to, and perhaps brought me the closest to the void that I felt throughout the entire trip.  I felt so close, and yet so far.  I wanted to let go, but I couldn't lose myself.  Human language became my weakness, the part of the ego that I could not possibly shed in my attempt to understand everything and leave myself behind.  I never did quite make it, but there is always next time.

Then after a while I hit reality.  For a few minutes.  It struck me as so unusual that I was able to connect with reality again so quickly after the experience, even if only for a short time.  I was hot, too hot, and needed to go the bathroom.  Finding my way there was quite a search, but eventually I managed it.  Turning the lights on and looking in the mirror revealed no visuals whatsoever, only a sense of achievement, for having experienced so much in such a short period of time.  I was smiling from ear to ear and everything was great, listening to the waves of the synths that flowed from my room.

Remembering that I had left some food on the table in the kitchen, I took the cut up apple that I had  prepared earlier and went back into my room.  I searched for a light or lamp; any light, but I was too disorientated to find any of the nine lights and lamps that scattered my room.  It was like being in a bizarre maze, not made up of 360 degree turns, but of a variable number.  Turning to face a direction would reveal that I was facing an entirely different direction to what I had intended.  My ability to navigate real space was lost.  Eventually I gave in and tried to find the sofa in the middle of the room, which was a task in itself.  Eventually I got there and lay down again, eating the most delicious food I had ever tasted.  It's funny how the other savoury snacks I had left had no appeal to me whatsoever.

Continuing to listen to the music, I felt like I was falling, fast.  Faster than what was comfortable, the wormhole earlier had thrust me so far and now I was falling from the sky.  I lay on my front and gripped the pillow in front of me to hold on, trying to glide with it.  Eventually it began to become slower, and I once again listened to the music in peace, floating over the modern world.  The dark cities full of lights.  It seemed like so many years ago that I was feeling the beginnigs of the Earth, and the memories were fading with the approach of modern day life.  I was returning to reality, fast.

I can't rememeber a great deal about what happened from here, apart from the strange physical sensations of numbness and distance between the various parts of my body.  I remember standing up to go to the bathroom again.  On returning I remembered the maze that I had encountered last time, so I left the lights on of the subsequently connecting rooms in order to help me navigate.  I managed to find a lamp and switched it on.  I checked the time; 21:43, but it really didn't mean much to me and I was becoming confused.  The lights were only making things worse.  The distortion of navigation had become apparent in my vision, everything was warped and my sense of movement and rotation seemed to be greatly exagerated.

I turned off the lights again as quickly as I could in the state I was in and then found my resting place once more.  Eventually, the effects seemed to were off.  About 40 minutes later, I turned the lights on and looked at my resting place that had seemed so vast when I was just lying there.  That pretty much ended the trip.

I couldn't believe what I had just been through.  The only thoughts in me were "What The!!?".  I still wasn't thinking quite straight and started talking to a good friend of mine on the Internet.  I tried to put it into words to him, describing what had happened.  The upside of everything was that I felt awesome.  Everything was so familiar and yet so new at the same time.  Eventually, at about 1:00, I drifted to sleep, listening to the final tracks of my playlist, thinking to myself "I've done it!  I finally did it!".

-----------

Epilogue:

This was perhaps the worst part of the trip, even though it wasn't directly related to the trip itself, but was actually another dream regarding the experience.  I woke up only to find that I was in darkness.  Upon moving my hand to my eyes, I found that I wasn't in fact in darkness but that somehow my eyes had popped out of their sockets and were hanging in front of my face, and they were not functioning correctly.  I could still see the patterns that had dominated my trip, and I could occasionally make out part of the room that I was in, which was in complete daylight, but the room appeared to be distorted and had many more walls than the room that I was in.

But above all, my eyes were hanging out of their sockets and I needed help.  I didn't know who to go to who, because someone seeing me like this would be totally shocked at my state.  Eventually I decided to see my landlady, who was the only person who knew that I had taken shrooms.  I tried to navigate my way around the house, which seemed to be a lot larger than usual.  It took me a long time, but I eventually found the door and knocked on it.  She opened the door and I tried to explain.  She seemed to be totally calm, and not shocked whatsoever.  She phoned my parents and was going to take me to the hospital, but it ended there and then I woke up for real.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Invisiblemecreateme
YoUisMEEMsiUoY
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 2,727
Loc: Memphrica
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: TurricaN]
    #3975698 - 03/27/05 12:26 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Good job, brother! Great trip report! :thumbup: :mushroom2: :grin:


--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineTurricaN
Grasshopper
Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 818
Loc: Apeldoorn, Netherlands
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: mecreateme]
    #3978988 - 03/28/05 03:24 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for reading.

It's good to know that you were right in regards to irrational fears.  They just faded away completely once I was about 40-50 minutes into the trip.  I thought about them during my trip and saw how they were completely nothing and they didn't matter at all!  The fact that I had been afraid before actually made me laugh. :laugh:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRoseM
Devil's Advocate
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 22,265
Loc: Mod not God Flag
Last seen: 2 days, 14 hours
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: TurricaN]
    #3979178 - 03/28/05 04:31 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry you had to get help at the end. The comedown is problematic for many trippers. Thank God you experienced the bulk of the trip before seeing a doc. That would be no fun.

So the eye thing how did your eyes pop out? That is an odd side effect.

Was that a dream?


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineTurricaN
Grasshopper
Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 818
Loc: Apeldoorn, Netherlands
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: Rose]
    #3979641 - 03/28/05 11:34 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry, you misunderstood me. That was a dream I had after the trip when I fell asleep. My eyes never actually popped out, I don't think that would be possible from shrooms. :smile:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleSourceLimit
Above TheirInfluence
Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 596
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: TurricaN]
    #3979650 - 03/28/05 11:36 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I friend of a friend said that shrooms can make you go blind however!  :smirk:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRoseM
Devil's Advocate
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 22,265
Loc: Mod not God Flag
Last seen: 2 days, 14 hours
Re: Trip report: "Nothing matters" (first trip alone) [Re: TurricaN]
    #3980399 - 03/28/05 03:26 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I was pretty sure it was a dream, but thank you for setting my mind at ease :smile: .


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

Amazon Shop for: The Doors

Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Trip Report: Invoking the Mushroom Spirit psylicon 2,684 9 08/22/08 10:24 PM
by barnkis
* My first trip report Paradox.Matrix 762 5 03/10/09 02:00 PM
by Da Youngest Vet
* Trip Report I novorua 455 0 10/01/05 01:52 PM
by novorua
* Trip Report: > 150 mcg of LSD last friday ! **now updated w/a Retrospective 420 days after**
( 1 2 3 all )
AsanteA 10,001 41 05/06/06 12:21 PM
by Asante
* My Wife's Salvia Trip Report - long theorganicdomino 13,029 10 05/02/12 04:25 AM
by Mercadies
* Camping trip report daedalus_9 1,045 6 06/23/05 11:48 PM
by Unit_134679
* Level 5+ Mushroom Trip report, very long and weird theorganicdomino 20,563 3 03/27/12 03:05 AM
by Turtle72
* What makes a good trip report?? Dogomush 2,244 14 02/27/03 11:30 AM
by pillsbury420

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: psilocybinjunkie, Asante, naum
1,951 topic views. 0 members, 9 guests and 0 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Kratom Eye
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2016 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.089 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 14 queries.