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 Captain Loafy McPoopdick
(4 1 2)
Registered: 06/27/04
Posts: 6,571
Loc: 1 5 1 3 6
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month
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 My dreams are terrible 
#3948831 - 03/21/05 12:32 PM (19 years, 30 days ago) |
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lately my dreams have been horribly depressing and very VERY boring, like an everyday thing. I used to love going to sleep so I can dream. Now I don't want to sleep because I don't want to dream, then wake up not wanting to wake up. When I DO wake up I want the day to end and just go to sleep. Ahhhh, my brain is off it's rocker, i'm two marbles away from losing them all.
Can someone tell me if there are actually good people out there? that will let you live your life and not care what you do? Reason I ask this is, Everyone and I do mean Everyone around or grew up in this town will make fun of you in some way. and they THINK that you won't notice, but you do, and when you try to hint on that you know they act like they don't know. I know i'm paranoid and I also know what i'm talking about. Even the people that I thought would never do that ignorant B.S., did. I mean, there is a reason for everything, but why can't they just realize that? that wasn't a question I really want an answer for. It's just pure entertainment for them, LIke the show they made. Ruin someone elses life to have fun. Live and let live, right? Wrong.
My dreams are now becoming my everyday life. The paranoia, the frustration, the hate, anger, confusion, and I won't forget love it's there, too. When I go to sleep I'm uncomfortable and when I get ripped out of my sleep from the annoying sounds of kids going to school i'm uncomfortable. I think things will never change and will never be the same, that's a chopped up quote I heard.
If I were a color i'd be grey and I swear to you, I really feel that color. it's a tint I see when I wake up, it's even how I think. it's a mediocre thought process that's been getting on my nerves for years. It's time to change, but I can't, and probably will never.
It's all because of my fucking hands, they disgust me. although I shouldn't put all of the blame on them it has a lot to do with my, uhhh, I don't know what it has a lot to do with, My nervous system?
Cold, sweaty, nasty. like two fish that have just been drug out of the water. This has ruined my life til this day and it will for many more most likely until I die or become to old to even become dehydrated.
and despite all of this I am a really honest, trustworthy, and most times very inconsiderate about myself. I will always put other people before me. Even though I do this, I must have done something horrible in my life to diserve all of this. And these are not even the beginning of my "problems" more like myself.
Yes! 2:30 PM, all of the kids should be getting home from school now. another feeling of disgrace. It will never end, NEVER!!!! alright....yeah....whatever you say my man.
Long, interesting? more to come.
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 question_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
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if you tell me the day you were born i will tell you your astrodestiny!
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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs
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p4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 3,666
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Looks like you developed the anxiety abyss. The feeling of grey. How dry life is you say. I used to be the same way man. Every day would be just you know grey. shitty dry fucking day. plus i was really sensitive. I cared too much what other people thought about me and my looks. I also would be extremely nice to people and put people first as you said but that would just make them take advantage of me. You need to switch you mindset. Anxiety can be controlled. You have to train your mind to think more in a colorfull way. Train your mind to see more colors besides that horrible grey. every color has its personality. You choose which ones you want to except and which ones you want to let go. Now how do you do that? You feel hopeless dont you. Your stuck in a abyss of anxiety. How do you get out of the abyss? You must climb the ladder out. The more your dwell on the negativity of your life the more you sink down and down to the abyss. The more you dwell on the positivity the more you climb the ladder out of the dangerous abyss. Change those negative thoughts with positive thoughts. At first you wont believe in the positive thoughts but after a wile you will actually start to believe in them. Trust me. Just no matter how hard it is hold on to those positive thoughts and pull your self straight into them. Takes time but if you keep thinking positive every day it will soon become part of your everyday life 
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
 
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Quote:
question_for_joo said:
if you tell me the day you were born i will tell you your astrodestiny!
December 30, 1983, the Friday of the 105th week.
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Disclaimer!?
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Quote:
Boiledmeatloaf said:
lately my dreams have been horribly depressing and very VERY boring, like an everyday thing. I used to love going to sleep so I can dream. Now I don't want to sleep because I don't want to dream, then wake up not wanting to wake up. When I DO wake up I want the day to end and just go to sleep. Ahhhh, my brain is off it's rocker, i'm two marbles away from losing them all.
Can someone tell me if there are actually good people out there? that will let you live your life and not care what you do? Reason I ask this is, Everyone and I do mean Everyone around or grew up in this town will make fun of you in some way. and they THINK that you won't notice, but you do, and when you try to hint on that you know they act like they don't know. I know i'm paranoid and I also know what i'm talking about. Even the people that I thought would never do that ignorant B.S., did. I mean, there is a reason for everything, but why can't they just realize that? that wasn't a question I really want an answer for. It's just pure entertainment for them, LIke the show they made. Ruin someone elses life to have fun. Live and let live, right? Wrong.
My dreams are now becoming my everyday life. The paranoia, the frustration, the hate, anger, confusion, and I won't forget love it's there, too. When I go to sleep I'm uncomfortable and when I get ripped out of my sleep from the annoying sounds of kids going to school i'm uncomfortable. I think things will never change and will never be the same, that's a chopped up quote I heard.
If I were a color i'd be grey and I swear to you, I really feel that color. it's a tint I see when I wake up, it's even how I think. it's a mediocre thought process that's been getting on my nerves for years. It's time to change, but I can't, and probably will never.
It's all because of my fucking hands, they disgust me. although I shouldn't put all of the blame on them it has a lot to do with my, uhhh, I don't know what it has a lot to do with, My nervous system?
Cold, sweaty, nasty. like two fish that have just been drug out of the water. This has ruined my life til this day and it will for many more most likely until I die or become to old to even become dehydrated.
and despite all of this I am a really honest, trustworthy, and most times very inconsiderate about myself. I will always put other people before me. Even though I do this, I must have done something horrible in my life to diserve all of this. And these are not even the beginning of my "problems" more like myself.
Yes! 2:30 PM, all of the kids should be getting home from school now. another feeling of disgrace. It will never end, NEVER!!!! alright....yeah....whatever you say my man.
Long, interesting? more to come.
hum. this sound to femiliear..
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Disclaimer!?
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FractalDust
Inspired by the mystery
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,907
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
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Listen to p4kSoul. I think he diagnosed your problem perfectly. I know for a fact that really sweaty hands are a symptom of anxiety disorder. You can pull yourself out of this yourself. Whatever you do don't let the government pump you full of meds. Meditation helps a lot. Check out this short book called "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It's posted online for free. http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/as-a-man-thinketh.asp
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Li8R31ghJa
Stranger
Registered: 03/21/05
Posts: 1
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hyperhidrosis fucking sucks.
http://www.parsec.it/summit/hyper1e.htm
I guess there is a surgery for it. I've had the sweaty palms bullshit all my life. I'm afraid to touch things! It's the most awful thing.
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be seeing you
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Captain Loafy McPoopdick
(4 1 2)
Registered: 06/27/04
Posts: 6,571
Loc: 1 5 1 3 6
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month
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I'm stuck in this hellish room. Every day, I spend almost my whole day sitting here doing nothing. But what can I do? There's nothing for a person like me. I predict my entire day before I even open my eyes when I wake up. someone tells me it's a nice day out. Why the fuck should I care? i'm not going to enjoy it "Enjoy the day for me" I think.
The real point though. I don't have social skills, I am really dumb I don't know a thing, I have bad B.O. and I can't change it, My hands interfere with everything etc. etc. all that happy stuff
My days are getting thinner and more basic. Wake up turn on the computer, eat, watch tv, go on the computer and now i'm here.
What have I done to diserve this? i'm nothing but nice to people. Most of the time anyways. even when someone is treating me like i'm dirt, I treat them like they are gold.
I'm attractive gets countered with smelling bad. I'm nice gets countered with being dumb. I'm hopeless. My future is pretty obvious to me. i'm going to be a fucking homeless bum and I can't change it.
Hmmm, what if I can change this though? maybe i'm not as dumb as I think. Maybe I should go back to school.
p4ksoul says it looks like I've developed the anxiety abyss and that it can be controlled. What if I can't control it though? Will I feel like this for the rest of my life?
the truth is that I have so much more negative things to think about than possitive. and I can't just think of the few possitive thoughts because they get cancelled out by the negative. am I just simply damned to live like this? it would seems so.
"Trust me. Just no matter how hard it is hold on to those positive thoughts and pull your self straight into them. Takes time but if you keep thinking positive every day it will soon become part of your everyday life" if only I can hit a replay button playing that in my head over and over. good advice.
Fractal dust, I plan on reading that book soon enough. thank you
Well everyone, here it is the continued life of me. if you don't like what I say then please don't reply with a "you do suck" "shut the fuck up and stop crying" it's just not what I need. and I feel writing this stuff out makes me feel better.
more to come also
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Kalix
'Head
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 1,504
Last seen: 18 years, 4 months
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I have a little 'sanctimonious' advice, it may help, it may not. Breathe, go outside, get sunlight. Grow plants. Tell yourself that you love yourself. Don't worry about how you smell (everyone smells bad). Study things that get you excited. Take yoga. Meditate. Love the world, it will love you back. Know that there are lots of people that love you, just because you exist in a collective state. Thinke peaceful thoughts. Tell me if you think I'm a dick, but I'm only telling you what works for me, oh yea, drinking tea makes me really happy too, and eating and preparing good healthy food that I love. Hang in there man, everybody has hard, depressing periods in their life.
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My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Shotgun of Sweet Reason
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Captain Loafy McPoopdick
(4 1 2)
Registered: 06/27/04
Posts: 6,571
Loc: 1 5 1 3 6
Last seen: 18 years, 1 month
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 Re: My dreams are terrible [Re: Kalix]
#3961076 - 03/23/05 05:52 PM (19 years, 28 days ago) |
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I don't think you are a dick at all. Everytime I read some good advice I start to feel happy. But then I forget what was said and go back to being miserable. Although I do feel myself very SLOWLY getting happier over the years.
Tea is great I love it too. Coffee makes me hapy. I do feel better working out and eating healthy. I should focus on this stuff because I did feel myself get better after working out. well rugby season is here and i'm joining, that will be fun. thanks man!
I think I may be bipolar? I feel fantastic sometimes and most of the times I feel like dieng, hmmm I don't know. that's a lot of work to find out if I have it or not.
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Kalix
'Head
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 1,504
Last seen: 18 years, 4 months
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I get the feeling that the psych industry tries to promote a lot of 'mental illness', that are just basic run of the mill unhappines. Work on your lifestyle, if you are happy with the things you do, and surround yourself with things that interest you, or make you happy, your quality of life will soar. Try checking out a store that sells minerals, crystals look nice and make me feel better. Buy art from local artists, take up compulsive hobbies
Anything you can think of that you like, do it. I am just out of a terrible co-dependant, emotianally abusive relationship. I was having problems with my life that are just like what you experience. I started a garden, walk my dogs more, read books that fascinate me, talk to people I don't know, or hardly know, in an open, honest, and caring way, I started volunteering for a community radio station. I tend to obsess over things that interest me, and move on to new things when I get bored. I'm very happy ussually, because I can always find something to do that I like, or have interest in. Don't worry about being bi-polar, just find ways to be comfortable, and happy. There's so many things that could be done, pick a couple, if you don't like 'em try new things. Keep your head up, be proud of yourself, learn to appreciate your own smells, and thoughts. Think peaceful thoughts. Know all 'heads have love of one kind or another for all other 'heads 
-Peace
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My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Shotgun of Sweet Reason
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