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OfflineSoulSurfer
Killer of Giants
Male

Registered: 10/24/03
Posts: 1,138
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Will it ever end?
    #3938917 - 03/19/05 06:34 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I have been doing drugs/drinking since I was 13 years old.
Im sure alot of you can relate, when I was introduced into the world of intoxicants there was no question if I would dive in head first. All of a sudden I found a world where I could control how I felt, and at 13 I felt pretty shitty most of the time. I think it's really about the control, feel bad... take drug/drink... feel good. And of course there is the excitement of trying a new drug for the first time. I looked forward to dropping acid, doing shrooms, trying every drug out there at least once. Well I have pretty much done them all now, and I have the scars to prove it. Still of all the drugs out there, the only one that never did me wrong was shrooms. I had my fair share of bad trips and overdoses, but at least shrooms always tell you the truth, even if it's hard to face sometimes.
I am turning 37 this year, and I still struggle with alcohol and cocaine, even though it's no where near as bad as it use to be. Im just not so sure I can live as a totally clean/sober person. I have tried many times, meetings and rehab, religion and detox, but the truth for me is that life without drugs and alcohol is a monotone existance. When you have seen Heaven and become one with God, how do you go back to living as a mortal? When I am sober/clean for any length of time I feel as though I become a zombie, dead to the world and myself. When I am high, especially on shrooms, I feel alive in every sense. Perhaps I will die early once my liver gives out, but is it better to live an extra 10 or 15 years feeling like a dead man?

Anyway, just my rant for the night. Perhaps some of you can relate, maybe some of you can't relate at all. Doesn't really matter either way, I just needed to get that off my chest.


--------------------
:sunny: :sunny::sunny:


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Offlinegnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 2 months, 12 days
Re: Will it ever end? [Re: SoulSurfer]
    #3939458 - 03/19/05 12:22 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hang in there, friend...

your "struggle" with coke & booze... is it a struggle to avoid all use of these intoxicants, or to avoid "abuse" (which, for most folks, does seem to differ sumehow from "use" despite what the gummint sez...)
moderation...
i dunno, lazrus long sez "moderation is for monks"...
but if's i start to do too much of a lot of things, i start getting subtle (or sometimes not-so-sublte) messages from my body...

now there's some as says that experiencing "a foretaste of the things to come" too often can use up their store of bliss in heaven...
i dunno, but... it is possible that having too dam' much good times for some folks can indeed have deleterious on neural development... & some of our "intoxicants" are indeed toxic - some more than others...



so...
maybe take good care of your body...
find out if vitamins & minerals can help ya...
eat wisely & well (tho not to excess, eh?)...
have friends (if not lover(s)) --- friends who care about ya (& vice versa, to be sure)...
exercise (or at least breathe deep the outside air!)...
get sufficient sleep (& plenty o' sex, if that is an option, hehheh)...
consider making a place in your life for a "spiritual" dicsipline or practice...


"my weariness amazes me,
i'm branded on my feet..."


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Will it ever end? [Re: SoulSurfer]
    #3941052 - 03/19/05 07:24 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Yes my friend you can do it. Just remember all of the times you have felt bad after coming down.


--------------------
Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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