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Killer of Giants

Registered: 10/24/03
Posts: 1,138
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Will it ever end?
    #3938917 - 03/19/05 06:34 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I have been doing drugs/drinking since I was 13 years old.
Im sure alot of you can relate, when I was introduced into the world of intoxicants there was no question if I would dive in head first. All of a sudden I found a world where I could control how I felt, and at 13 I felt pretty shitty most of the time. I think it's really about the control, feel bad... take drug/drink... feel good. And of course there is the excitement of trying a new drug for the first time. I looked forward to dropping acid, doing shrooms, trying every drug out there at least once. Well I have pretty much done them all now, and I have the scars to prove it. Still of all the drugs out there, the only one that never did me wrong was shrooms. I had my fair share of bad trips and overdoses, but at least shrooms always tell you the truth, even if it's hard to face sometimes.
I am turning 37 this year, and I still struggle with alcohol and cocaine, even though it's no where near as bad as it use to be. Im just not so sure I can live as a totally clean/sober person. I have tried many times, meetings and rehab, religion and detox, but the truth for me is that life without drugs and alcohol is a monotone existance. When you have seen Heaven and become one with God, how do you go back to living as a mortal? When I am sober/clean for any length of time I feel as though I become a zombie, dead to the world and myself. When I am high, especially on shrooms, I feel alive in every sense. Perhaps I will die early once my liver gives out, but is it better to live an extra 10 or 15 years feeling like a dead man?

Anyway, just my rant for the night. Perhaps some of you can relate, maybe some of you can't relate at all. Doesn't really matter either way, I just needed to get that off my chest.

:sunny: :sunny::sunny:

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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/30/99
Posts: 6,481
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 2 months, 12 days
Re: Will it ever end? [Re: SoulSurfer]
    #3939458 - 03/19/05 12:22 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

hang in there, friend...

your "struggle" with coke & booze... is it a struggle to avoid all use of these intoxicants, or to avoid "abuse" (which, for most folks, does seem to differ sumehow from "use" despite what the gummint sez...)
i dunno, lazrus long sez "moderation is for monks"...
but if's i start to do too much of a lot of things, i start getting subtle (or sometimes not-so-sublte) messages from my body...

now there's some as says that experiencing "a foretaste of the things to come" too often can use up their store of bliss in heaven...
i dunno, but... it is possible that having too dam' much good times for some folks can indeed have deleterious on neural development... & some of our "intoxicants" are indeed toxic - some more than others...

maybe take good care of your body...
find out if vitamins & minerals can help ya...
eat wisely & well (tho not to excess, eh?)...
have friends (if not lover(s)) --- friends who care about ya (& vice versa, to be sure)...
exercise (or at least breathe deep the outside air!)...
get sufficient sleep (& plenty o' sex, if that is an option, hehheh)...
consider making a place in your life for a "spiritual" dicsipline or practice...

"my weariness amazes me,
i'm branded on my feet..."

old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Will it ever end? [Re: SoulSurfer]
    #3941052 - 03/19/05 07:24 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Yes my friend you can do it. Just remember all of the times you have felt bad after coming down.

Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.

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