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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
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Spiritually sick...how to heal?
    #3927862 - 03/16/05 08:39 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

For the past few months I have felt myself growing spiritually sick.  It seems I have lost the will to continue my spiritual growth.  It disturbs me.  A year ago, I was so full of life and wonderment, and I *wanted* to make myself a better person.  Somehow, I seem to have lost that desire.  :frown:

How can I deal with this spiritual sickness I feel inside?

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OfflineJCoke
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3927919 - 03/16/05 08:50 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

was'nt till i put other peoples lives ahead of mine, it was than that i realised i was spiritually fulfilled, any sence of low-selfisteem died away too interestingly enough, i make sure everyone i know has a roof over there head, money, food,,, i always keep in mind to be willing to take a bullet for my friends, and bingo, i'm satisfied with life and all spirituality, by living as if everyone on earth was ME, and provided to the extent that i can, i can honestly say i'm satisfied...

just recently i had a weird dream, i belive the time is coming to sell my nuts for $$$ and travel the world sharing my wealth and my love (see my thread in the pub), wish me luck for when that day comes..


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hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.

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OfflineViveka
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3927939 - 03/16/05 08:54 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

Maintain clarity. Probably stay away from the entheogens for a while. I know you've been entering realms lately with your aya experiements and such. Maybe cool it for a while.
Also realize that your spiritual sickness is absolutely a part of your spiritual growth. I've gone back and forth where during some periods I became more worldly and more interested in experiencing life than in finding meaning and improving myself. It's just part of the ride. Don't sweat it. The feeling of wonderment will come back around at some point. When factors in your life inspire you to seek meaning again.

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InvisiblePsychoactive1984
PositiveCynicist
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Registered: 02/06/05
Posts: 3,546
Loc: California, Monterey Coun...
Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: JCoke]
    #3927949 - 03/16/05 08:55 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

Goodluck JCoke...

Ask yourself why you wanted to do it in the first place...


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.

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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
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Registered: 02/01/05
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3927954 - 03/16/05 08:56 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

One grows spiritually sick in times when there is too much noise around him, so he looses the grasp of what is real , what is not real, what is himself and what is non-him.

Just try to find some peace somewhere and you will find yourself once again. Take a vacation in the middle of nowhere or something..


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine

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OfflineJCoke
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #3927991 - 03/16/05 09:01 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

Quote:

OldWoodSpecter said:
One grows spiritually sick in times when there is too much noise around him, so he looses the grasp of what is real , what is not real, what is himself and what is non-him.

Just try to find some peace somewhere and you will find yourself once again. Take a vacation in the middle of nowhere or something..




SWIM once went to iceland, wondered aimlessly through the hills and glaciers, fasting for days, looking for the "answers", he came back, found and met peace, love and understanding( = "God") there he says, well, i beleive him, so that's some good advice right i have to say IMO.. :grin: :thumbup:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.

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InvisibleJellric
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Registered: 11/07/98
Posts: 2,261
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3927996 - 03/16/05 09:02 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

Help someone else.


--------------------
I AM what Willis was talkin' bout.

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Invisiblegettinjiggywithit
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3928182 - 03/16/05 09:47 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

he he he there is something called spiritual dis-ease and like someone here said its common with with growth in awareness of spirit.

Look at it this way; dis ease is being "il" at ease with something as in not at ease with it. As you grow in awareness your vibration increases and it can make you feel sick and to top it off we just got nuked again with a mother load of cosmic juice coming through the Phi Gate that maxxed out its opening on March 5th.

A lot of "energy sensitives" are feeling "enough already!" :puke:

Someone here suggested to focus on service to others. That's good stuff for keeping the energy flowing and getting yourself more resonant with the spirit self.

Another thing that happens when you up your vibage is that dense stuff gets busted loose and comes to the surface for clearing and it makes you feel energetically like shit. And often with a deep clearing actual toxins are released via cold and flu symptoms or crying spells for no reason and people  associate all these crappy feelings with spiritual work and get turned off to it.

And that's fine because you don't have to be doing anything but enjoying your life and creating your own little heaven on earth. The Phi Gate was about the paradise energies and its so much easier now to do it. Don't feel guilty for "getting into" physical life, it's what we are here to do-get spirit into physicality and or
become in-spired humans. Find creative inspiration somewhere or enthusiasm for something anything as it keeps you best in tune.

When you can't find it, become it!

Going with the flow and putting up the least amount of resistance to "change" helps a lot.  Being in resistant states runs a serious drain on your energy and can make you feel blah! :heart: :sun:


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.

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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3928205 - 03/16/05 09:54 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

The condition that you describe has been elaborated in the spiritual classic Dark Night of the Soul by the medieval mystic St. John of the Cross. Reading this may help you to chart your position in the condition, from beginning to end.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Invisiblespudamore
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3928486 - 03/16/05 11:17 PM (19 years, 17 days ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
How can I deal with this spiritual sickness I feel inside?




just let go, easy as...


--------------------
suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3929171 - 03/17/05 05:18 AM (19 years, 17 days ago)

From some of your earlier posts I can tell you are quite a serious person concerning this matter...maybe too serious. Spiritual growth does not stop just because you quit meditating or yoga or whatever it is you like to do. If one adopts a simple, easy to maintain lifestyle that reflects one's core spiritual values, spiritual growth continues. I got too serious about this stuff at one time and finally realized that my seriousness was hindering spiritual growth. Back off and have some fun. I maintain my interest in shamanism because it is an engaging and interesting subject to study....but I also have many other interests that consume my time as well, and I do like to have fun. One must above all be a well rounded person. Adopting the "monkish" attitude is alright for some, but most find it an intolerable life. Live free and have fun while maintaining your moral integrity.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3929269 - 03/17/05 06:41 AM (19 years, 17 days ago)

excellent question
obviously you are making progress
"how to heal?"
is your question and asking it is elemental in the healing.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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InvisibleVvellum
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Registered: 05/24/04
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3929422 - 03/17/05 07:38 AM (19 years, 17 days ago)

avoid bogus, new-age "spirituality" or "spirituality-by-proxy" and you'll be less likely to dive deep into alienation.

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OfflinePed
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: MOTH]
    #3929809 - 03/17/05 09:47 AM (19 years, 16 days ago)

Taking a vacation to a peaceful place to escape the noise and confusion is a short-term solution. When you return to your life, you will return to the confusion you are experiencing now, because you'll have not developed the skills necessary to maintain that peace within yourself amidst the conflict and turmoil of modern living.

If the desire to progress spiritually has suddenly vanished, it is because of selfish minds blocking your path. If you have lost the desire to improve spiritually, it seems pertinent to examine your original motivation. What inspired the wish to improve yourself spiritually in the first place? Are you obstructed now because your original intention was contaminated by selfish motivations? Or is that you've become obstructed along the way? Is it both, or are these two dependent-related?

Because you're an ordinary human being, it's probably true that your original intention to progress spiritually was contaminated by selfish motivations. If this can be recognized, then the way to fix the problem is to renew and reorient your intention. Contemplate the benefits of spiritual progress not for yourself but for others; think about how your progress will be of benefit to the people in your life, the people you will meet in the future, and all living beings. It might be helpful to engage in this practice every morning and night, and throughout the day.

Discouragement is the fruit of self-centredness, of self-cherishing. Discouragement is a mind which expects us to be better than what we are. Minds like these are rooted in self-cherishing. In this case, your self-cherishing mind may have created a superior image for yourself, imputed it upon your past or future identity, grasped at it in desire, and become frustrated when it's recognized that the grandiose image you have for yourself does not reflect reality.

Being able to recognize yourself as spiritually sick and in need of spiritual medicine can be transformed into tremendous virtue if you are able to be free of the mind that expects you to be better than what you are. Forget about where you were spiritually in the past. That person does not exist. Do not imagine yourself more spiritually advanced in the future. That person does not exist either. It's like chasing ghosts.

Being able to recognize and accept your own faults as they are at the present moment brings about a deeply authentic humility, which is in itself spiritual progress. Humility is an armored tank along the spiritual path. It protects you from delusions of discouragement, laziness, and lack of confidence, and it acts like a bulldozer clearing the path ahead of you.

Above all, it's most important to be patient and accepting of yourself. Do not be hard on yourself. Do not lose confidence in your abilities. Do not expect results. All of these are traps that will destroy your wish to progress spiritually. The more you give in to these minds, the more obstructed and spiritually confused you will become. The more obstructed you become, the more discouraged you will become, and the cycle will continue to repeat. The way out of this is to cultivate humility, and to practice cherishing others.

The best way to get where you're going is to start where you are.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace

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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: Vvellum]
    #3930680 - 03/17/05 01:46 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

"avoid bogus, new-age "spirituality" or "spirituality-by-proxy"
What is your definition of these things? Examples?


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #3931365 - 03/17/05 04:32 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

like "don't externalize this responsibility" to the crackpots at S&P?


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #3931887 - 03/17/05 06:24 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

I sort of had that idea myself...I just wanted to see it in writing.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Offlinethe_phoenix
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #3931975 - 03/17/05 06:45 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

Forget about spirituality, let it go. You have absolutely nothing.

Now discover it anew. :smile:

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Offlinetomk
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: the_phoenix]
    #3932125 - 03/17/05 07:15 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

I'm surprised no one has mentioned meditation.

The problem is, Elle, the sorts of spiritual experiences drugs induce are only the beginning. In order to maintain those insights, you need to be willing to work on it. Try this. Go to a quite place and sit in a comfortable but good posture position and close your eyes. Focus only on your breathing and count each breathe as you inhale, up to four, and then restart. Each time a thought comes into your head, refocus on your breathing. Set a timer for 20 minutes and don't open your eyes or stop focusing on your breathing till you hear it ring. Do not analyze your performance, if you get way lost, thats OK, just when you become aware you have lost focus, go back to focusing on your breathing. Do this every day for 2 weeks. The first thing that will strike you is how little control over your mind you have. After this, you will feel more at peace.

You're not spiritually sick, it's you've tasted it and now need something more from it then drugs can give you.


--------------------
"I am eternally free"

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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Spiritually sick...how to heal? [Re: Ped]
    #3932183 - 03/17/05 07:25 PM (19 years, 16 days ago)

Thanks for all the replies.  I wrote the original post in a sort of desperation.  I'll try to answer any questions.  I can't thank everyone enough for the help. 

Ped:

Quote:

What inspired the wish to improve yourself spiritually in the first place?




It all started with a mushroom trip actually...I had absolutely no idea what I believed when I started tripping.  I even hated God.  Then I took 5 grams of shrooms about a year ago and experienced things I never, ever would have imagined.  It was so terrifying and life-changing.  It uprooted me to the core.  Afterwards, to cling to my sanity I started reading more about Buddhism and Hinduism, and started looking at my Christian upbringing in a more thankful light.  I felt so renewed and reborn, all fresh inside.  I realized that I could be any type of person that I wanted and all that was holding me back was me.  I also realized that I didn't know anything.  I realized I was completely ignorant but I sort of enjoyed it because that meant I was growing and discovering things.  After that trip, it was like I was exploring the world for the first time.  I felt like a sponge. 

And I started thinking that the most important thing for me to do as a human being is to grow spiritually, so that I can be prepared for death.  But I didn't neglect the physical or emotional...I started exercising and eating right, recycling, meditating, the works.  I have never been so happy, to be honest.  I never thought that things couldn't continue as they were.  I thought I had found the answer: love.   

But gradually, I started to slip.  I don't know how it started.  But I guess when I started studying Taoism I realized that you can't deny one facet of life and favor the other.  I started realizing the violence that mankind was capable of, and I realized that to survive I may need to be violent at one point as well.  That sort of upset me.  I had thought all humanity needed was love, but here I realize that it's not the answer for everyone, all the time.  I started questioning myself, and soon I came to realize that I am constructed of two halves, my lower-self and my higher-self.  I started to wonder if by catering to my higher-self, I was neglecting my lower-self and if that was a case, how could I ever hope to be a balanced individual? 

So I started to pay more attention to my lower-self, the selfish and over-indulgent side, the feral and wild side.  It was pretty cool at first because I got to the point where I could detect which feeling and actions came from my lower-self, and then I could try and avoid them.  But then I started realizing the validity of some of my lower-self emotions and actions (it is one half of me, afterall) and I began to take them more seriously.  I started thinking, "It's okay to feel selfish sometimes.  It's okay to feel angry or upset sometimes."  I still believe that it's okay to feel those negative things. 

So my entire goal is internal balance.  I would like to attain balance between my higher-self and lower-self.  But right now, I feel all muddled and have felt like this for several weeks now.  The clarity I originally felt from my mushroom trip is almost entirely gone.  I know it's still in me...but I can't find it.  And I figure that it will take a change in me for the stuff in my brain to un-muddle and become clear again, but I don't know what to do. 

Quote:

Are you obstructed now because your original intention was contaminated by selfish motivations?




I can say with all the sincerity in my heart that my original intentions were not selfish.  My original intentions were about suviving the aftermath of that trip.  I had been reduced to nothing, simply crushed and extinguished in that trip.  If I had not turned to spirituality afterwards, I might have gone insane.  It was the sole anchor that held me together as I integrated what happened during that trip.  Once I integreted, I became curious about religion and other spiritual paths.  So I started reading.  But somehow, I think I got turned around and mixed up.  Maybe I stopped listening to my heart or something.  Well, let me rephrase that:  I can't hear it anymore. 

Another thing that I've constantly been worrying about is my pot smoking.  You see, I know it's bullshit to blame problems on drugs.  But I worry that it's interfering with my growth.  In fact, I've been obsessing over it so much that I've tried to quit twice.  But I don't know how accurate my perception is that pot is messing with my spirituality, because I have the tendency to freak out and then obsess about stuff in general.  My husband for example, thinks that I am overreacting about weed.  I'm not sure anymore.  I know I self-medicate with it.  But I have got this nagging feeling that many of my current spirituality (and thus physical and emotional) problems can be solved by quitting pot, or at least lesson up on using it.  So does it sound to you guys like I'm just freaking out about it? 

The only other drug I use is mushrooms, every month or so.  I haven't used Ayahuasca in months.  My past few mushroom trips have been spent helping other people through their trips, making sure that they are okay, sort of as a trip guide.  There's always a distraction.  I love helping my friends, but each time I regret not spending more time to myself during the trip.  I can't remember the last time I've had a trip to myself, so to speak, where I'm free to evaluate myself to my hearts content. 

In this spiritual crises, I have even thought that what I need is a good, old-fashioned, psychedelic kick-in-the-ass, like the trip that propelled me on this path to begin with.  I feel like it's been so long since I've had my ego crushed, since I've felt that sense of humility and awe. 

But also something tells me that to take another 5 gram trip right now would be a bad idea.  I need to figure some stuff out before I go that far again.  I still am planning to take a more manageable dose this weekend, ALONE, so that I can try and focus on myself while tripping for a change.  I am looking forward to that experience, and have pledged to go without weed for two days prior, and two days afterwards.  That way my mind will be clearer for the trip. 

Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out what to do and why I feel this way.  Every post has had something helpful to say, thank you.  :heart:

*me*

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