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 MarkostheGnostic
Elder
 
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida 
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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 Re: Depersonalisation  [Re: hobgoblin]
#3931721 - 03/17/05 05:47 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Ahhhh...perhaps my favorite Jungian text. Best rendering of the Biblical creation myth I've ever seen.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Go back to sleep, you're still talking nonsense.
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 6 months, 8 days
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"Take up your china doll
it's only fractured -
and just a little nervous
from the fall"
la la la la lalala...
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old enough to know better
not old enough to care
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BlueOrb
prototype
Registered: 09/14/04
Posts: 217
Loc: The fourth dimension
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
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 Re: Depersonalisation [Re: gnrm23]
#3940402 - 03/19/05 03:00 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi guys. Sorry I have been away for a few days, which is why there has been no response from me. I can see that this topic has generated some interesting views and ideas, often conflicting!
My intention was not to induce any arguments or bitterness from fellow users of this forum. I merely wanted to try and make sense of my reality and examine possible future prognosis.
I would agree that the initial advice given is of benefit. Grounding oneself, using meditative practice and dietary considerations are all helpful. I have already sought out much of this practice sub consciously. This is indeed healthy practice for all individuals on a daily basis, unfortunately hectic lifestyles often mean that we neglect this somewhat.
In terms of "Diseased Ego" What is the Ego? Is it merely a concept introduced to us by Sigmund Freud? The development of the reality principle? Is it the juggling act between desire and duty. We could at this point get into differing theories and the analytical psycho babble that often accompanies these topics of discussion. Laing's anti psychiatry is an interesting topic of its own. I would sooner keep this discussion to my experience of reality though. How I feel, and what I am thinking and how to make sense of it all in very simple terms.
We know from research that hallucinogens can induce schizophrenia in certain individuals with a predisposition to this illness. We also know that this is an extremely debilitating disease that can make even basic functioning impossible. As I said earlier in the forum, I was terrified that I was going mad initially! What could be worse than psychosis?
Reading literature on mental illness, it would seem that depersonalization can result from trauma, depressive illness, hysteria, fatigue or stress. it can also signal the onset of schizophrenia. This was almost scaring me into believing that I was going mad.
My feelings were/are very difficult to describe. They are more often than not fleeting these days, and less anxiety/fear provoking than they used to be.
I will often feel like I am trapped here in this universal system. I often feel like an observer from within myself. My vision will often flicker, as if what I am seeing is somehow generated/unreal.
However, I have at no time been delusional or psychotic. I hold down a professional job and maintain healthy relationships. Its just that my thinking/perception of the world is different. I often see (In an imaginary sense) things on an sub atomic level, as vibrating energy. I often feel like I have healing energy running through my body.....(not in a tactile delusional sense)This probably sounds weird to you people, but I now know that I am not crazy.
What I am experiencing is almost a heightened awareness of things. However this new reality is sometimes frightening. Before this happened I must have been ignorant to so many things despite constant searching for answers.
I feel like I have awakened a dormant part of my brain.
What I cant understand is why these feelings are frightening.
I feel that tripping again will exacerbate my condition at present. However, will this precipitate a full blown psychosis, who knows. I do know that at age 30, the window for developing such an illness is growing smaller, and I prey that it never happens. I am really wanting to experience mushrooms again though. This is now my predicament.
I feel that because my last trip was so horrific, I will automatically return to that point. This scares me from trying to trip again at present.
Anyway, that's enough for now..................
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"They are trying to build a prison, for you and me to live in"
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egghead1
Nakedly Open
Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 931
Loc: The Womb of Love
Last seen: 18 years, 9 months
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Re: Depersonalisation [Re: BlueOrb]
#3940461 - 03/19/05 03:18 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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Maybe these experiences are frightening because you mind is,not used to them. As you have said, mushrooms seemed to have awakened dormant areas of your psyche, so possibly your sense of 'self' feels a little under threat because of your heightened awareness? This new sense of awareness isn't new at all in fact, its always been there, you just haven't noticed it before. I think maybe you need to try and find some sort of spiritual practice to help your mind adjust and tune in more to this awareness. The energy you are experiencing is probably just the smooth flow of prana through your meridians, nothing much to worry about there you've just become aware of the flow. I hate to repeat myself but i definitely recommend some form of meditation because it sounds like you have become more spiritually inclined and aware, maybe its time to explore your potential a little more? You seem to be having glimpses of the unreality of reality. I would not advise taking mushrooms again, they are like God's calling card, once you've got the number, there's no need to get another card. Anyways good luck in whatever you decide to do. 
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All you need is Love! Really thats it! Infinite Unconditional Love! Just develop that and all else will fall into place perfectly!
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 redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,170
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Re: Depersonalisation [Re: egghead1]
#3941301 - 03/19/05 06:31 PM (19 years, 1 month ago) |
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yes good luck
but even better
cut back on your dose with dignity and skill.
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 _  🧠 _ 
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BlueOrb
prototype
Registered: 09/14/04
Posts: 217
Loc: The fourth dimension
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
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Well its been over two months since I last posted, and I can honestly say that I feel much better with regard to the Depersonalization. I have even been considering another psychedelic trip. I do feel that it will be wise to go low dose though. I should have some mushrooms ready soon.
I have noticed that there have been a number of posts here recently of individuals experiencing similar problems to me. To these people, I say stick with it, things will improve slowly. For me, I believe I have adjusted to this state somewhat, and it doesn't scare me like it used to. I also feel much happier, and feel that my mood has lifted significantly.
The only time I really feel any mental discomfort is when I am very tired or have been working too hard, then those unreal feelings creep back in.
Been doing a little reading recently on personality disorders, and find it interesting that "magical thinking" is a sign of Schizotypal P.D; I do believe subtle energies can be sensed and felt, but does this really mean that I should be labeled with a mental illness? Am I imagining these feelings..........I think not!
Anyway, take care guys.
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"They are trying to build a prison, for you and me to live in"
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Depersonalisation [Re: BlueOrb]
#4322642 - 06/21/05 10:01 PM (18 years, 9 months ago) |
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The Symptom - Vision 5: The Vibratory Waves of External Unity
"The terror comes with the discovery of transience. Nothing is fixed, no form solid. Everything you can experience is 'nothing but' electrical waves. You feel ultimately tricked. A victim of the great television producer. Distrust. The people around you are lifeless television robots. The world around you is a facade, a stage set. You are a helpless marionette, a plastic doll in a plastic world....If others try to help, they are seen as wooden, waxen, feelingless, cold, grotesque, maniacal, space-fiction monsters. You are unable to feel. 'I am dead. I will never live and feel again.'"
Sound familiar?
The Remedy - Instructions for Vision 5:
"O nobly born BlueOrb, listen carefully:
You are experiencing the unity of all living forms.
If people seem to you rubbery and lifeless, like plastic puppets,
Be not afraid.
This is only the attempt of the ego to maintain its separate identity.
Allow yourself to feel the unity of all.
Merge with the world around you.
Be not afraid.
Enjoy the dance of the puppets.
They are created by your own mind.
Allow yourself to relax and feel the ecstatic energy-vibrations pulsing through you.
Enjoy the feeling of complete one-ness with all life and all matter.
The glowing radiance is a feflection of your own consciousness.
It is one aspect of your divine nature.
Do not be attached to your old human self.
Do not be alarmed at the new and strange feelings you are having.
If you are attracted now to your old self,
You will be reborn shortly for another round of game-existence.
Exercise humble trust and remain fearless.
You will merge into the heart of the Blessed Ratnasambhava,
In a Halo of Rainbow Light,
And attain liberation in the Realm Endowed with Glory."
The Psychedelic Experience  Be not afraid.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
Edited by MarkostheGnostic (06/22/05 07:32 AM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I always get the most beatiful vibes from this book. Reading this actually gave me chills.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery
Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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Re: Depersonalisation [Re: BlueOrb]
#4323990 - 06/22/05 08:24 AM (18 years, 9 months ago) |
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Being friends to people who are or at least were heavy users of psychedelic drugs and from my personal experiences in this domain I must say, most people get back to their feet and solidly grounded back into everyday reality a few days or weeks after their experience, no matter how profound the trip may have been.
On the other hand there are a small number of us out there, who never had a firm grip on everyday reality and are very sensitive to even the smallest doses of psychedelic drugs. We struggle with symptoms of flashbacks, confusion, derealization and dissociation for weeks or even months after using psychedelis and before we are able to find our way back and integrate to the everyday reality. Using psychedelics just for the kicks of it is not a smart option for us.
There are two kinds of people in this "sensitive" group. One has a history of physical or emotional childhood abuse. They survived this abuse by dissociating from their feelings and their surroundings. Once grown up, the abuse itself is mostly over and forgotten but the trauma itself stays unresolved and can be triggered anytime by stress, drugs or other triggers. Once triggered the individual dissociates until he believes it's safe to come back to the body.
The other group has a sensitive nervous system and/or is very prone to spontaneous plunging into the collective unconsciousness. "The individual must, however, pay a price for this plunge. Part of his own isolated ego is eroded by the contact. Her can no longer claim to be wholly individual in his emotional experiences. A precarious balance usually needs to be maintained so that the collective feelings do not swamp the personality; otherwise there is indeed madness." -quote from Liz Greene, Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil
What can help us "sensitives" most - as was already talked about here - is getting grounded back into the body, back to the earth, by daily physical work and exercises and avoidance of mental and spiritual pursuits (including drugs, meditation, philosophy, fasting, etc.) for the time being, until we feel strong and grounded enough, to be able to integrate these experiences and not get blown away by them.
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 "Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: Depersonalisation [Re: BlueOrb]
#4324452 - 06/22/05 11:09 AM (18 years, 9 months ago) |
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You sound like you have removed yourself from the experience, to play the role of the observer. Or the seperation of mind from the body perhaps?
Don't fret too much about this. One of these days you are bound to realize life is a great mystery, and you are very much a part of it. (not outside of it as you may feel now)
In the meantime, I suggest plenty of physical activity and daydreaming about paradise. 
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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You will be reborn shortly for another round of game-existence
Yes! Rock on, we still have a few points to score before the clock runs out.
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