"no worries... but it just seems... un-intimate? or even... i dont know, multiple sex partners always makes me cringe when i hear about em. gay or straight."
It is un-intimate. I dunno. I like sex with multiple partners, but even with one person I don't like intamacy with my sex. I like violence and excitement and creative power dynamics, but not intimacy.
I think a large minority of people is this way (regardless of orientation). Intimate sex is BORING to people like this, because a part of the brain that goes off in you doesn't in us. We get excitement from being hurt while we fuck, from being slapped in the face when we try and look the people we are sleeping with in the eyes. We don't want our hair carressed, we want it pulled, hard. We don't want to be kissed, we want to be bitten. We don't want intimacy, we want excitement. We want to feel used. We dont' want to make love, we want to fuck, hard. We don't want to control it, we want to be told what to do, and then forced to do it if we disobey. We like it when it hurts. We like it more when it hurts so bad we are begging for it to stop but it gets harder (begging is different then "red" or any other safeword for "there is a real problem"). We like to cry from sex, not to fall in love, but maybe more then that, we feel like it's the same thing. We don't want to be held gently, we want to be tied down, and then reminded we are tied down by being forced to struggle and get nowhere with it. We want to be used. We don't want partners who act caring, we want partners who are going to use us like holes and then tell us to kneel on the ground so they can rest their feet on our backs as they have a beer until they are ready to be blown again. (Note: These activities are negotiated beforehand, and both participants crave them. Although some would definately be abusive if unnegotiated, this sort of thing is what both people want. Also note that many people enjoy parts of the play described without being interested in the other parts. Some people like submitting but no pain, other people like pain but don't care about power dynamics, etc. It's a menu to choose from, but I think all the people like this are ordering from the same menu).
I think thdis is all related to very drug like states. First, is ego death. Nothing kills your ego faster then having your fight or flight reflex cut off by a lot of pain you cannot even struggle against. Further, when I am getting fucked in the violent way, sometimes I dissociate so much I would swear i just chugged DXM. The euphoria is better then drugs, and the altered states are so much more intense. Sometimes I get synesthetic effects from drugs, but I always get them from being put in a sling (think combination of hammock and gynocologist table), blindfolded, and having my senses played with while music is going. I think it really does come down to having wires crossed in our heads. It's fine for you to crave intimacy in your sex. But intimacy is normalized in our society as the ideal, when the truth is a large minority does not care about it. Or, perhaps more accurately, to us, the violence, the uncertainty, the excitement is what intimacy feels like to you. Swinging is another part of that same thing, where excitement is craved over conventional types of intamacy. But, to a swinger, it might feel more like "Wow, it's so powerful to use this person for sex, like my wife is doing in the next room, and then go home with her and talk about it openly. I feel so unrepressed compared to the folks making intimate love."
Shit, when I right about this sort of connection on bondage.com forums, they all think I'm a druggie, and all you guys are going to think I'm a pervert who needs to be locked up. Really, I think sexual exploration and drugs are two ways of getting to the same place. There are relationships between sex and spirituality juts like there are relationships between drugs and spirituality, and often seekers down one path do not realize the other path is so similar. Can't we all just get high and fuck in our own way without judging each other?
-------------------- "I am eternally free"
Edited by tomk (03/04/05 07:57 PM)
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