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OfflinePedM
Interested In Your Brain
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Probably embarassing myself..
    #3802488 - 02/19/05 04:53 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Whatever.

I'm really destroyed on Absinthe right now, but felt very compelled to make a post. If this turns out to be clutter, just remove it, whatever.

It might seem quite unorthodox for a devout Buddhist to show up at S&P completely trashed on Absinthe, but that is no matter. It is an experience, and life, even (or perhaps especially) Buddhist life, is about experiences.

I've come to realize that the ego I've brought to this place is truly enormous, that I've come to view the spiritual teachings I've received and valued as a part of me qualifies me as a supreme to those who have not heard those same teachings. People such as Sinbad, who demonstrate a knowledge of the teachings I've received, seem to earn automatically from me a sense of favour, as though those who are most akin to what I am familiar with are somehow more worthy of acceptance than those who are on different paths.

Quite honestly, this experience with Absinthe has afforded me the equanimity, the empathy, I've been seeking since the very beginning. It is truly astonishing how easily a human being is lead astray, how easy it is for a human being to adopt even the most fantastic spiritual principles as ego-boosting constructs. It is no wonder that we are such suffering beings caught in such seemingly inescapable bad habits.

The teachings I've received insist that what I am experiencing at this moment is delusion, that because I am inebriated I am slave to ignorance. For Christ's sake, I can hardly see straight, yet, I feel that spiritually speaking I am in a place of profound advancement. Only retrospection can confirm the truth right now, I suppose. But nonetheless, I'll throw this out there for the consideration of the community.

People are so precious; it does not matter what they do, think, or say. At this stage it seems impossible that any reply to this thread could be seen as anything but tremendously valuable. Yet, somehow I expect that when sobriety returns I will see the replies of this post as criticism, as evidence of distance between myself and you, the reader. Why does such a distance exist? Why are we so apart from eachother? We are the same.

Marilyn Manson. Bach. Tesla. Hussein. Leary. Descartes. Capra. Aniston. Bush. Van Goh. Spears. Poe. Beethoven. Einstien. Bin Laden. Trump. What an amazing world we live in; what an amazing opportunity we have to be alive.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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Offlineexclusive58
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Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2,146
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3802566 - 02/19/05 05:42 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Nice post. Its hard to sense that you were drunk when you wrote this.

"Why does such a distance exist? Why are we so apart from eachother? We are the same."

Well, i guess that's just the way it is, until everyone realises that we are all one. In this phase of our evolution, we are meant to have separate experiences, to have subjective viewpoints of reality in order to individually learn from life but maybe in some future phase we will all come together, unify, and differences will disappear.

I want to say more, but maybe this is enough...


--------------------


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: exclusive58]
    #3802616 - 02/19/05 06:41 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

:laugh:

*is grinning ear to ear* :grin:

I'm preheating the oven for a pizza as we speak, my friend. :grin:

Sometimes I bring my ego along in here as well, just as I have done in my relationship and relationships in general, even my guitar playing, and I've reaped the negative consequences of doing so (as well as the positive consquences of doing so, learning from these "mistakes")...

We live, we learn, we become more and more aware (hopefully). :grin: I'm not really going anywhere with this, but I am going to go put the pizza in the oven. :lol:

:heart:  :mushroom2:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Invisibletak
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: fireworks_god]
    #3802639 - 02/19/05 07:13 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I am the same way man.

No matter how much I learn about other people spiritual views, and how much i find out about myself, I will always look at those who dont know/care about it like they are inferior.

Deep down inside me, I know that you do not have to read on the internet to be spiritual :P Nor do you have to live at a monestary to be well connected. People living their everyday lives are enough of a process for some, and in that process they learn. I believe that everything is happening for a reason, maybe not a divine reason, or something significant, but each person is atleast learning a valuable lesson in this life that will ultimately teach them something, and further their evolution.


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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Invisiblemoog
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Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3802671 - 02/19/05 08:29 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Ped, I know exactly what you're saying. I had a similar epiphany last weekend when I was tripping. I actually broke down in tears for an hour when I realized how big my ego had become.

Our egos become attached to our beliefs, and this then causes us to separate ourselves from people for one reason or another. This is bollocks. The most important thing is our connection to other people and things. Our opinions and prejudices that separate us from them are just formed by our ego and are irrelevent in the bigger picture. Every person's life is precious no matter who or what they are.


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OfflineZekebomb
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Registered: 08/24/03
Posts: 1,164
Loc: BC province
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3802833 - 02/19/05 11:15 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

dude, my ego is always here, to varying degrees, but yes always present.

you don't seem drunk at all in the post

this: I've come to realize that the ego I've brought to this place is truly enormous, that I've come to view the spiritual teachings I've received and valued as a part of me qualifies me as a supreme to those who have not heard those same teachings. People such as Sinbad, who demonstrate a knowledge of the teachings I've received, seem to earn automatically from me a sense of favour, as though those who are most akin to what I am familiar with are somehow more worthy of acceptance than those who are on different paths.

I thought this paragraph took some good scrutiny and honesty. I commend you.

mkes me think about ... nah, I'll start a thread. gj ped


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Offlineexclusive58
illegal alien

Registered: 04/16/04
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: moog]
    #3802926 - 02/19/05 12:30 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

moog said:
I actually broke down in tears for an hour when I realized how big my ego had become.





Do you mind describing how this feels? And, like, how you deal with it? I'm interested.


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: exclusive58]
    #3803070 - 02/19/05 01:25 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

alcohol is useful in my life, it's looked down on alot in the psychedilic community, but I found it beneficial to get piss drunk now and than.

other than a few beers with friends, I drink alone, sounds depressing but it's not, it's an entheogen to me.

anyways, ped,

"People are so precious; it does not matter what they do, think, or say. At this stage it seems impossible that any reply to this thread could be seen as anything but tremendously valuable. Yet, somehow I expect that when sobriety returns I will see the replies of this post as criticism, as evidence of distance between myself and you, the reader. Why does such a distance exist? Why are we so apart from eachother? We are the same."

I like what your saying here, makes sence to me.  :thumbup:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: moog]
    #3803166 - 02/19/05 02:10 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

moog said:
The most important thing is our connection to other people and things. Our opinions and prejudices that separate us from them are just formed by our ego and are irrelevent in the bigger picture. Every person's life is precious no matter who or what they are.




:heart:  :thumbup: :thumbup:

We have become corrupt.  We are selfish and self obsessed.  We do not except the opinion of others.  We are beasts.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ego Death]
    #3803222 - 02/19/05 02:33 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

nice to break down sometimes.
i had good exposure to red hat school teachings - namjal rinpoche etc. in 60's and 70's.

the formality and structure is good but not exactly in the outward way it appears to be.

take any thanka as a totality, (one thing in itself) in spite of it's detail. the relative structure of the ritual parts come together and breathe as a unit. (any good work of art has this, among them thankas are actually a bit stiff and constraining, but a good beginning for those seeking - I prefer the german and french expressionists and David park and bischoff and the whole bay area figuratives too)

naming the individual bits as delusion or metta-karuna even are the beginning of learning relationships and the dynamics of the vital totality. but when you do start it is very easy to get puffed up with such a knowledge storehouse and majestic lineage.

at any point one is a beginner, or student in this - keep the freshness


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Registered: 11/23/02
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3803565 - 02/19/05 04:36 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Ped, sounds to me like you're just a human after all. No need to feel guilty. Shed that yoke we've all inherited from Christianity and you might be freed.

It is hard NOT to adhere to your beliefs, because they define (a large part of)who you are. As long as you can see that other people may reach the same destination by travelling another path, it should cause no problems.

I commend you for your honesty. Masks are hard to shed.


--------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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Offlineexclusive58
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Alan Stone]
    #3803645 - 02/19/05 04:53 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Stone said:
I commend you for your honesty. Masks are hard to shed.




:thumbup:


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: exclusive58]
    #3803664 - 02/19/05 05:00 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

It was the most emotionally painful and intense experience of my life, but it was also quite relieving. you know, the walls you build up with your ego, they're hard like ice. For me it felt like the walls just melted instantly and became water and just washed away. I wasn't at the point of ego loss though, this was different. my ego, instead of vanishing, shrunk down to a tiny pinpoint but at the same time grew to include everything. like, my ego was irrelevent. all that mattered at the time was the bond between me and all other life.

I realized that every other human being is just like me. we all want to be comfortable and to be happy. so why in the world would i cause anyone pain. i couldn't understand why I would be such an asshole sometimes. it didn't make any sense. i realized the same life force runs through everything, so when you're out to hurt someone else, you're hurting yourself too.

Every day this comes up in my mind now and since then i've tried to keep my defenses down, and just let my heart pour out to those around me, even strangers. the most important thing is just, to feel. this world needs more feeling and less thinking. :heart: (edit: not less thinking... thinking is usually good, what i meant was... less analyzing and intellectualizing! don't let your rational mind take control of you. you'll become dead inside.)


Edited by moog (02/19/05 05:05 PM)


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OfflineJCoke
dream observer
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Registered: 02/17/04
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Alan Stone]
    #3803699 - 02/19/05 05:13 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Stone said:
Ped, sounds to me like you're just a human after all. No need to feel guilty. Shed that yoke we've all inherited from Christianity and you might be freed.




wtf does jesus have to do with this?


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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Offlineexclusive58
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: moog]
    #3803715 - 02/19/05 05:17 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

hey thanx for the description.

and also, thumbs up to emotional intelligence!


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OfflinePedM
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: exclusive58]
    #3804025 - 02/19/05 07:16 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks everybody for all the great replies.

Well, the hangover's gone now.  I've had some time to look back at the whole experience.  Absinthe was certainly a lot different than your typical whiskey or rum.  I can't quite put my finger on just how it was different: there was nothing about it that really stood out and said "Hi, my name is Thujone.  Nice to meet you."

There was the typical feeling of alcohol inebriation.  I wasn't able to walk straight, nor see straight, but somehow I was able to converse on the fly with as much clarity as in a sober state.  My thoughts and feelings were exceptionally clear and lucid.  Perhaps most of all, there was the tendency toward honest introspection that is more familiar with psychedelic drugs.

I felt like I was overflowing in a lot of ways, emotionally and intellectually.  There was tremendous dialog between myself and the two friends I was with.  We spoke about what compells us the most, what occupies our thoughts the most.  We discussed our fears and the pointless nature of them, and we asked each other the question "why don't people communicate this way all the time"?

I really enjoyed the experience and would recommend it to anyone oriented in a similar direction.  It was liberating.

PS-- I've also just found a 30 minute mp3 titled "absinthe" on my desktop, which I actually don't remember recording.  I'll give it a listen, and if it's half-way interesting I'll post it in the Music & Arts forum.

Thanks again everyone! :smile: :heart:


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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OfflineAlobar
A Bucket of Lard

Registered: 01/13/03
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3804860 - 02/19/05 11:27 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Great post. As for the ego thing, since that's what we're calling it??doesn't it seem more healthy to think of it as a gift? A birthright, even?

Someone spoke of being an asshole. Doesn't the pleasure of being an asshole come from flexing the ego, like a muscle one has worked hard to create?

Okay, that was pretty bad. Anyway, I enjoy what you have to say.


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InvisibleSclorch
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Registered: 07/13/99
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Ped]
    #3806327 - 02/20/05 12:40 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I like honesty.

Alot.


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OfflineAlan Stone
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: JCoke]
    #3811645 - 02/21/05 05:23 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

wtf does jesus have to do with this?



Did I mention Jesus? Negatory.
Did I mention the organised religion? Affirmative.


--------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle


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OfflineJCoke
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Re: Probably embarassing myself.. [Re: Alan Stone]
    #3811901 - 02/21/05 06:02 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Alan Stone said:
Quote:

wtf does jesus have to do with this?



Did I mention Jesus? Negatory.
Did I mention the organised religion? Affirmative.




Christianity = Christ in us.

I figured you meant the organised religion that goes under the name "Christianity", I just like to see how it's not Jesus that people hate, but the asshole pharisees that were stuck with. :grin: :thumbup:

Muahahahahahahahaha!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:


--------------------
hello, your name is life on earth
------------------------------------

"I traveled a long way seeking God, but when I finally gave up and turned back, there He was, within me! O Lalli! Now why do you wander like a beggar? Make some effort, and He will grant you a vision of Himself in the form of bliss in your heart." -the saint of the Kashmir Shaivism tradition: Lalli.


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