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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
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If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from?
    #3799332 - 02/18/05 06:15 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I think a lot about how I can do things differently then my parents to ensure that my children have good self-esteem. I don't know why I have low self-confidence sometimes, except I was the oldest of four so I was never listened to. It always seemed like my parents were busy with someone else and my ideas or thoughts went ignored as a child. I always had to be the "tough" one, I had to be the big girl of the bunch and suck it up. My parents never seemed interested in anything I said or did unless I was getting in trouble. I was thinking that this could be the cause of low self-confidence in my adult life. It's like I have a fear of being successful at anything.

you?


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Invisiblep4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
Registered: 01/13/05
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3799412 - 02/18/05 06:33 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

i have had low self-confidence for a long time now. it mainly relates back too when i was a kid. i used to be maid fun of because i was so nice and under intimidating. Some reason my mind still believes that people are going to still hate my personality. Its hard to get over but it can be done.


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InvisibleLocus
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3799548 - 02/18/05 06:56 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I am the oldest as well.. of three. I have had low self-confidence for a long time. And I know why.. It was mainly because of just a few fucked up kids that constantly bullied me and shit most prominently throughout fifth to eighth grade. And I never recovered. I became very hyper vigilant and worried about it all through highschool even when nothing happened to me throughout that entire time. And I still have a lot of trouble.. Also my dad was always physically and mentally abusive which I also attribute to the problem. There are probably some more reasons, but those I think are the biggest.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineWiserGod
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: Locus]
    #3800506 - 02/18/05 10:01 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

im an outsider to this issue but i gotta be harsh in my judgement.
Have u lot even listened to yourselves? read back what you've all written and tell me that isnt proper milk toast sapyness...
youre all scapegoating your lack of confidence as if its your parents fault for not bringing you up proper.

what makes you all think you have low confidence/self esteem...is it because you compare yourselves to people you know who appear to have good self esteem and confidence?

is it because you find it difficult to make friends?

well i dont know all y'all personal family lives but im sure your parents, like most peoples parents did their best to bring you up as well as they could.

the issue of self-confidence doesn't stem from your upbringing...i've met homeless people and professional people alike who have the self confidence to ween a man out 250k as if they were the same.

self confidence stems from self esteem...the only way to build self esteem is to put your cunning mind into physical practice....
quite simply...be naughty...
to get self esteem you need a good ego-boost...
a good way to boost your ego is by causing mischief. set some dogs free or try to have an affair with another persons partner(as long as youre single)...even simple simple vandalism in the form of graf art can be so good for putting oneself in touch with the trend....

these are just a few simple ways of making yourself feel important, it might seem selfish but who cares? theres only so much self-confidence to go round in the world so be as greedy as you can with it...make yourself important...if people dont seem to like you naturally then force people to like you...force your personality upon the local world thereby fortifying your personality.

self-confidence should never be an issue...if you have no self confidence then it can be smelt a mile off and people will always try to take advantage...often successfully.

this is something that the people who this thread affects must consider.

self confidence is like a dormant bird egg that rests in the nest of your inner being...how you nurture it is your own business.


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InvisibleLocus
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: WiserGod] * 1
    #3800561 - 02/18/05 10:15 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

You have no idea what you're talking about. I know how lack of self-confidence develops. And I've talked to numerous psychologists about my issues as well. You obviously haven't got a clue, at least most certainly not pertaining to myself. Cause trouble.. yeah, that's great advice.. :rolleyes:


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: WiserGod]
    #3800620 - 02/18/05 10:30 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

WiserGod said:

well i dont know all y'all personal family lives but im sure your parents, like most peoples parents did their best to bring you up as well as they could.




I love my parents and I know that they did their best.  I often tell them so. 

It doesn't mean that I just ignore issues that I know have been with me since childhood.  Whose care was I in during childhood?  My parents.  Could it be just biological?  Sure.  But I know what happened growing up and I know how it affected me.  I think it could be a little of both. 

And I do not get pleasure or a "self-esteem rush" whenever I hurt another person, as in vandalism or having an affair.  Anytime I hurt someone else it makes me want to hurt myself 10x more. 

I started this thread to allow people who struggle with low self-confidence to share their experiences and thoughts about how it might have originated. 

Thanks for the advice, but I don't think I'll use it. :tongue:  I'm slowly learning to have more confidence in myself but it's not something you figure out in a day.


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OfflineWiserGod
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3800854 - 02/18/05 11:05 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

im sorry ellimyshShade i wasnt suggesting that you go out and hurt people. i guess i used bad examples...what i was trying to say was that self confidence is directly affected by the way you interact with other people whether you know them or not.

it's good to break down a few boundaries.
sometimes peoply feel too timid to act irrationally...too timid to upset the balance and disturb the equilibrium...but by breaking the equilibrium you find yourself...you find confidence within yourself.
going against the grain despite what common sense or what people tell you...doing what you feel like doing even if you know its stupid.
im not suggesting you become a juvenile delinquent ellimyshShade...but as i said before...it's all about freedom.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: WiserGod]
    #3801321 - 02/19/05 12:21 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

WiserGod said:
it's all about freedom.




Well, on that I agree with you!  :sun: :heart:


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Invisiblep4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 3,666
Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3801550 - 02/19/05 12:53 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

it seems that people with low confidence let there minds take over. i hate how i worry about things that i can not control. it really pisses me off because no matter how hard i try i worry worry worry then the depression come in.


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Invisibleswm
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3801633 - 02/19/05 01:11 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I got beat on the daily basis as a kid.Did this fuck me up?,No.Blaming your parents or anyone else is a cop out.I deal with what I have to deal with.Alcohol and or drugs is the easy way out.
At some point in your life you just have to say "fuck it" and deal with the shit.
It's not easy,but nothing in life is easy.
I hope you can get through this time in your life and be stronger because of it.
peace


--------------------
I can't spell and I have poor grammar.The crap I just posted is proof enough.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH] * 1
    #3801715 - 02/19/05 01:25 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah I'd have to say blaming your self-confidence on anything but yourself is just 100% wrong. I could try all day to pinpoint shit with myself, but if I just do shit I never do, like ask girls out, then they go away. Applying negative internal attributes to yourself is just a bad idea. We're all the same, we just differ when it comes to how we show that.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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Invisiblep4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: swm]
    #3801739 - 02/19/05 01:28 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

if you want to get rid of something your going to have to face it at the end. Its just like lifting weights. You have to build up to a sertaint weight level and it takes time and strengthening. Eventually you will brake through that level of gravity and move up to the next step. The mind is the same way. There is the unconfident mind gravitry. Facing the mind gravity will only make you stronger you just cant give up. :thumbup:


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: p4kSouL]
    #3802035 - 02/19/05 02:12 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I guess I have to ask myself, "What would Picard say about this?"  :wink:


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Invisiblep4kSouL
Animals Are Cool
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: MOTH]
    #3802095 - 02/19/05 02:21 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

whos picard? im stupid arent i


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: p4kSouL]
    #3802244 - 02/19/05 02:51 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Captain Jean-Luc Picard in my signiture!!  Star Trek.  :smile:


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InvisibleLocus
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: Locus]
    #3802635 - 02/19/05 07:04 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

To the people that say blame yourself.. hmm, well i don't get you.. it seems stupid and illogical. Yeah sure ultimately you're the one that controls it because it's yours... but self-confidence stems from pretty much entirely external situations.. and obviously yourself does not cause this.. these environmental causes are what affect you and lower your self-confidence. Should you wallow in self pity and hate everyone for this.. absolutely not. But I thought this topic was called "If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from?" So I addressed that, and I did so in a good manner. All I am simply saying is that there are most certainly external causes that affect and may lower or raise your self-confidence. And I, rightfully so, have learned what caused my own and expressed myself and answered the question here.. haha.. can i get any more simple here... I rarely think about this stuff though and I just focus on getting better. There are also internal chemical imbalances that can cause anxiety and lower self-confidence but I wasn't addressing that here. Now that I have explained this like I would to a child maybe the people that don't seem to know what this is about will understand? maybe.. hmm.. probably not.. whatever. i just fuckin wasted my time..

oh and to that swm guy who said he got beat on a daily basis and it didnt fuck with him... hahaha, that had to negatively affect you in some way and if you don't know that then you are more fucked up then you realize. Everything affects you, no matter how big or small... and child abuse is a given for negatively affecting someone.. in some way.. i mean child abuse.. come on, that's like common sense..


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: Locus]
    #3802969 - 02/19/05 12:46 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Self-confidence is defenitely affected by your surrounding, that's a given. But ULTIMATELY, any and all change or control is due to YOU. You can be clay, and get molded all the time, but the hands that control that clay are your hands. Self-confidence is external, but you have control over yourself and the environments that you put yourself in. It's all up to you.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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InvisibleLocus
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: freddurgan]
    #3805453 - 02/20/05 02:20 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

obviously, but this topic was not about that, it was about expressing where it came from.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: Locus]
    #3806522 - 02/20/05 01:51 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I guess that's a good point. Got myself on a tangent there.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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Invisibleswm
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Re: If you have low self-confidence, where does it stem from? [Re: Locus]
    #3814454 - 02/22/05 12:57 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Yes, it affected me for years.As I got older I got over it.I still think about it from time to time but it does not affect me in my day to day life.


--------------------
I can't spell and I have poor grammar.The crap I just posted is proof enough.


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