Home | Community | Message Board


World Seed Supply
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> The Pub

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
InvisibleTM
The Mind, The Many, The Music.
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 8,280
Loc: Under The Table And Dream...
A bit of humor... (Jerry Seinfeld/Steven Wright style)
    #3796045 - 02/18/05 12:27 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

7. What disease did cured ham actually have?

8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

12. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

13. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

14. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss America?

15. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked anyway.

16. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

17. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

18. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

19. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

20. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

21. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

22. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell
you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you going to be smiling?

23. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?

24. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

25. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

26. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

27. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

28. What do you call male ballerinas?

29. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

30. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

31. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

32. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

33. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

34. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

35. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

36. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

37. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?


--------------------
================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TM™ :cool:


Edited by TripMeister (02/18/05 12:41 AM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous

Re: A bit of humor... (Steven Wright style) [Re: TM]
    #3796078 - 02/18/05 12:36 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TripMeister said:
34. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

35. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?






I did and laughed at the next one but other than that its a jerry sinfeld skit


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: A bit of humor... (Steven Wright style) [Re: fee]
    #3796109 - 02/18/05 12:42 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

34 and 35 got me too. That was funny shit!


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleTM
The Mind, The Many, The Music.
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 8,280
Loc: Under The Table And Dream...
Re: A bit of humor... (Jerry Seinfeld/Steven Wright style) [Re: fee]
    #3796113 - 02/18/05 12:42 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Correct... I changed the title. :wink:


--------------------
================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TM™ :cool:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1

Community >> The Pub

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Saw Jerry Seinfeld on saturday... YouEnjoyMyself 661 7 12/09/04 12:31 PM
by butterflydawn
* Jerry Seinfeld Krystal Klear 545 5 10/16/07 04:33 PM
by usefulidiot13
* Jerry Seinfeld
( 1 2 all )
mick 1,356 23 11/03/07 12:29 PM
by WhiskeyClone
* Just Watched A Tribute to Jerry Seinfeld... DrCamacho89 356 0 05/08/07 10:58 PM
by DrCamacho89
* Does Jerry Seinfeld smoke Cheeba? AntiEverything 3,640 18 01/24/07 08:38 PM
by CUBErt
* Jerry Seinfeld - I'm Telling You For The Last Time trendalM 559 8 01/21/06 12:29 AM
by Stonerguy
* Seinfeld Trivia Thread
( 1 2 3 4 ... 12 13 all )
Atheist 8,515 250 08/25/07 05:58 AM
by killme
* useless facts learned from Seinfeld
( 1 2 all )
samueljackson 2,597 23 01/08/06 11:40 PM
by dr_gonz

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
350 topic views. 10 members, 108 guests and 43 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Toggle Favorite | Print Topic | Stats ]
Search this thread:
Kraken Kratom
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2016 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.048 seconds spending 0.006 seconds on 14 queries.