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Registered: 08/25/01
Posts: 40
Loc: NE PA
Funny feeling...
    #378931 - 08/26/01 03:05 AM (15 years, 2 months ago)

My whole life, I've been scrutinized by counselors and therapists for my personality traits. I was never a disiplinary problem in school, but my grades were terrible. I sucked at sports, never spoke to any of ther other students, and basically wished the next day would be the end. I always did well in creative writing and art, though.

When I was a junior in high school, I discovered grass, started reading dylan's poetry. Then I read and watched fear and loathing. It was like floodgates had opened. I made philosophy my new religion, reading every bit of literature I could get my hands on.

And then I realized that, for my entire life, I was interested in this stuff. While the other kids were off playing baseball or studying, I was contemplating the universe, analyzing my surroundings, talking to myself as if I was my own debate partner.

I think maybe one day I'll come up with complete understanding and acceptance of myself and my surroundings. Maybe I'll put my finger on the one thing that everyone from plato to kerouac were striving for. And even if it only makes sense to me, I'd be content. I hope so anyway, because It's the only thing in the universe that means something to me.

anyone out there like me? who wants to see what others can't? Who feel that they have no other purpose in exsistance than to understand human consciousness?

What kind of rat-bastard psychotic would play THAT song at this very moment?

In your face, Space Coyote!

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Registered: 07/12/01
Posts: 1,122
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
Re: Funny feeling... [Re: tox]
    #378936 - 08/26/01 03:09 AM (15 years, 2 months ago)

I used to feel like that.


"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." John 15:5

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Registered: 06/05/01
Posts: 127
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
Re: Funny feeling... [Re: tox]
    #379887 - 08/27/01 01:02 PM (15 years, 2 months ago)

That pretty much explains me.... Well, I got decent grades in school, but other than that. As much as I try and force myself to care about working, going to school, 'succeeding' in life and all that bullshit, when it comes right down to it, the only thing I really truly give a flying fuck about is my pursuit of knowledge. To know exactly why reality exists, and how to warp it to my likeness is what really matters to me.

Feed your head

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L.A, L.A., BigCity of Dreams.
Registered: 06/02/99
Posts: 1,521
Loc: Downtown L.A.
Re: Funny feeling... [Re: DankVudu]
    #380426 - 08/28/01 02:43 AM (15 years, 2 months ago)

Dharma Bums!


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Vagabond Ninjafor Hire
Registered: 07/02/01
Posts: 128
Loc: F- R
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: Funny feeling... [Re: Phoshaman]
    #381854 - 08/30/01 02:26 AM (15 years, 2 months ago)

my parents always forced me to play sports, but as soon as i was old enough to make my decisions i quit that shit, my grades are bad too, and i dont understand the world, if i did come to that understanding tho, i would also be at peace, tell me if u ever figure it all out

somehow, my thoughts are more insane than the mind they spawn from

Live and Die in FALL RIVER

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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: Funny feeling... [Re: tox]
    #382330 - 08/30/01 08:43 PM (15 years, 2 months ago)

Plato's "Forms", Aristotle's "Prime Mover", Kerouc's "IT", enlightenment, god... Yeah, they all feel/see the same things I have (just with different words and terminologies)... that's how I know that "IT" is there. (Note: I'm NOT saying that "IT" should be worshipped.)

Looking back on my own childhood, I realize that I wasn't like any of the other children. I always questioned authority, which consequently led to me getting into trouble (mostly harmless stuff really) and I didn't like to follow the rules. I asked why alot and was punished for it (sometimes I wish I could go back into time and school some of my teachers). So I just quit asking out loud. For some reason, my cultural conditioning didn't really take (I say really because there were obviously a few things that did: I wear clothes, I speak english, etc....), I still don't know why.

Eventually I discovered philosophy (actually, I found drugs first). I found that there were people just like me over 2,000 years ago. That made me feel better about myself and my position in this world. I still have no real answers, but at least I can ask questions better.

Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Re: Funny feeling... [Re: tox]
    #382411 - 08/30/01 11:08 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Reading that post makes me feel a lot better. I feel the same way as scorch. I know there are people close to how I am. I am just about everyone of those things you described. Thx for posting =)

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