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Gillette
Jaded
Registered: 01/10/99
Posts: 4,058
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do.
#3782886 - 02/15/05 10:11 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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An emotional rollercoaster. Thats the best way to explain it. I'm always up or down, rarely in between. Everything is at extremes. I'm completely out of balance and I've been out of control for awhile. My thoughts change every 5 seconds, so I rarely know what I'm thinking and find myself freaking out and anxious. I never know what I want or need. However in the back of my mind I know I need, need like a hungry ghost that will never be satisfied. Sometimes I go from complete rational confident thought, and think that I may have somethings figured out and in the next thought I'm completely irrational and panicking, its like a snowball that turns into a full on avalanche. I've completely let all expextations of other people go, I expect very very little from other people now, but I find my expectations of myself growing and growing and this perfectionist attitude rising. I've never been a perfectionist. But somehow now, I get this idea that if I'm perfect and do everything that I can do, for myself and everyone else, then people will be perfect for me. I do know that this is irrational and will not happen, but somehow, its like this is all I can do. I just keep trying. I spend alot of time thinking about how to be better, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better person. I lose a lot of sleep, or I sleep too much....maybe I just spend too much time thinking.
-------------------- ~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~ A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
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Wysefool
I AM SKELETON JELLY
Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 6,643
Last seen: 27 days, 4 hours
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3783237 - 02/15/05 12:00 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sorry I'm not good at giving advice but I can throw you an amateur diagnosis of Bipolar. Maybe anxiety. Google those and see if you can find some better advice.
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Gillette
Jaded
Registered: 01/10/99
Posts: 4,058
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Wysefool]
#3783337 - 02/15/05 12:32 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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I already checked to see if I was bipolar....nope. I thought I might be when I took alot of psychology courses, but I'm not, I'm not that extreme.
-------------------- ~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~ A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
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UnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited
Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 612
Last seen: 18 years, 4 months
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3783378 - 02/15/05 12:43 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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It just seems like too much stress.Spreading one's self thin among too much.If you're feeling stressed I recommend taking 6 grams (6,000 mg) of vitamin c a day broken up into three 2 gram (2,000 mg) doses and take one 2 gram dose at breakfast, one at lunch and one at dinner.This will prevent stress hormones from being released and will make you feel alot less stressed.Also korean white ginseng 500 mg extract and it should contain about 35 mg of ginsenosides.This combination should kill any stress you're feeling.
PS when taking 6 grams of vitamin C a day its best to buy a large bottle of 1 gram (1,000 mg) tablets that contain around 300 tablets.
Also try to simplify your lifestyle if you can.It will also help greatly.
-------------------- Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/
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Jim
Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 20,922
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3783578 - 02/15/05 01:18 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have schizo affective disorder. Research that.
Some people with bipolar do not have such extreme symptoms. The best you could do is find a psychologist (can't prescribe meds) first.
-------------------- Use the Fucking Reply To Feature You Lazy Pieces of Shit! afoaf said: Jim, if you were in my city, I would let you fuck my wife.
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BigNerd
Sociable loner
Registered: 10/31/03
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Loc: local elementary school
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3784188 - 02/15/05 03:47 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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What you're describing really does sound like textbook Bipolar, maybe you just have a "mild" case of it?
As far as advice on how to deal with it, I think you just need to keep doing what you've been doing: "I do know that this is irrational and will not happen, but somehow, its like this is all I can do. I just keep trying." Just don't give up, on yourself OR those around you. Find the people who are trustworthy instead of relying only on yourself. Sometimes humans have to force themselves to do things that are good for them. Believe me, I know.
-------------------- Sometimes karma needs a little help.
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Locus
Registered: 03/11/04
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3785112 - 02/15/05 06:45 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hmmm, I don't think that's bipolar. And I'd need to hear a lot more to actually make a decision as to what is going on here. Definitely some sort of mental problems going on here, but I'm not quite sure what. I think what is best to do here is to get a professional diagnosis from a psychologist. Would you do that? You may have a bit of depression going on and manifestations of it in other things. And some compulsive thinking as well to a certain extent.. I'm not sure what it is exactly.. I just can't tell from what you've said, but definitely there's something going on that should be evaluated and diagnosed. So get on that and get to work on getting better Alright?
-------------------- The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein "Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe ~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~ *Check my profile to listen to my music*
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop
Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3786701 - 02/15/05 10:55 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've been where you are...my advice is to try to relax, and weather through it as best as you can, you'll probably get better soon. I tend to go through cycles...I'm very, very happy, full of life, loving, caring, ect.....then slowly and subtley my mood changes; I get more irritable, less compassionate, angry....then very depressed, anxious and reclusive. I have similar thoughts about what I'm doing with myself, I'm a bad person, I'm a waste of space, ect....then things get better again. It's hard shit to deal with, I often deal with the bad times by going off the deep-end with drugs, opiates mainly, but if they weren't around I would improvise. Basically I'd self-destruct in a spectacular fashion, wind up hitting rock bottom....then something would happen, usually in the form of LSD or another psychedelic that would blast me out of this hole, give me a fresh start and great outlook on life. Then, as time progresses and life gums my mind/soul with shit I start to slip back on that road. I still haven't figured out how to keep it from happening, although this time i've managed to stay away from hard drugs and self-destruction so far *knock on wood*. Anyway, just try to remember, that no matter what's going on in your head, you're a good person, you've touched many lives in positive ways, and people care about you....you're never alone. Spill your guts to a trusted friend or loved one, keeping it inside is the worst thing you can do. I have always kept my feelings inside, and that destroyed me, plus if people don't know whats going on with you, they can't relate to you well, which makes matters a lot worse. If you don't have anyone to talk too, or don't have the courage to talk to anyone in RL, feel free to PM me, I've been through all sorts of shit so I can relate, and can maybe give you some advice. Good vibes, and good luck....your light will shine again soon.
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Gillette
Jaded
Registered: 01/10/99
Posts: 4,058
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Dark_Star]
#3788507 - 02/16/05 08:57 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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"The Japanese have an officially recognized condition called karoshi -- death from stress caused by too much work. You give it all at work, but when was the last time you bent over backward for fun?'
But anyways maybe I should mention like years ago, probably when I was like 16 or 17 I was diagnosed with a panic/anxiety disorder, I was on pills for a bit, but they were waaaaaaaaaay too strong, finished the perscription, never went to get another one and just started doing other things to keep it under control....like alot of E. However, I stopped doing that like 2 years ago and here I am. So I suppose the easy thing to do would be to go back to the doctor and refil the perscrption. But I really don't want to be on pills. The other thing is that it may just be a case of SAD, so in this case I just wait it out, until summer or at least spring and it'll go away...I went tanning yesterday and felt better mmmmmmmmmmm fake sun
-------------------- ~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~ A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
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Woland
The MercilessWarrior
Registered: 01/30/05
Posts: 217
Loc: FL
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3788659 - 02/16/05 09:48 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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It doesn't seem like Gillette has bipolar because he should be experiencing some sort of manic episodes. Sounds more like depression/anxiety to me. UnenlightenedOnes advice is very good actually. I did the homeopathic route for my depression/anxiety after messing with meds and shrinks, it worked for me. May I suggest doing what you did on this messageboard more often? Talking or journaling your feelings is a great way to release feelings and also you can look at your thoughts on paper and say, "damn what was I thinnking??". I've found myself saying that a lot. Learning from your own mistakes and experience is the best way. Not that I'm one to diagnose, so this is just a suggestion, nothing more.
-------------------- "It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free."
Edited by Woland (02/16/05 09:52 AM)
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Woland
The MercilessWarrior
Registered: 01/30/05
Posts: 217
Loc: FL
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Woland]
#3788669 - 02/16/05 09:51 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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and yes, definately get some sun!!
-------------------- "It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free."
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Vulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
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Loc: SC
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Woland]
#3788732 - 02/16/05 10:13 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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hehe i have yet to meet a female that inst like that
but noone the less it isnt somehting you have to put up with. sounds like you just need some stability.
-------------------- Work like you dont need the money. Love like you never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching.
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop
Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3789549 - 02/16/05 02:08 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, personally I think it's better to work through it without the perscription....I don't trust the drugs they give out. Anyway, winter can definately be a bitch, so perhaps you're just sick of it and need a season change. One more thing I forgot to say last night, if you have a boyfriend sit down with him and talk about this ASAP. If he doesn't know what's going on inside your head, this could cause serious problems. Only a couple more months until spring!
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Noetical
Flip Horrorshow
Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Dark_Star]
#3791528 - 02/17/05 01:46 AM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Check out multiple personality disorder or mpd its like bipolar's cousin.
Thought I had it for a while then I realized someone just wanted a paycheck.
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WiserGod
Stranger
Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 20
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Noetical]
#3793411 - 02/17/05 01:01 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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you're prolly just thinking about things too hard...it sounds pretty introverted to me. u just gotta lighten up a bit and take ur mind off things. if you get really paraletic drunk until you can free up your mind from your thoughts and try to emulate that way into ur sober life then it might solve your problem. or you could always learn to pass on the burden, but thats another subject...
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UnenlightenedOne
Two Spirited
Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 612
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: WiserGod]
#3793724 - 02/17/05 02:28 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
if you get really paraletic drunk until you can free up your mind from your thoughts and try to emulate that way into ur sober life then it might solve your problem.
Bad Idea. Alcohol = depressant.Depressant + stressed/down person = More depressed and down and stressed in the end.
-------------------- Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/
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EarthAngel
Tripper
Registered: 01/23/05
Posts: 67
Loc: New Zealand
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: Gillette]
#3795099 - 02/17/05 07:48 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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It sounds very hormonal to me, People who wish to beleive they have a "disorder" will go to the doctor & the doctor will tell them wat they want to here and give them shitloads of evil pills, when sumtimes its as simple as finding something to calm the old hormones. Try Evening Primrose Oil caps or maybe Vitex Agnus Castus. If you're stressed, go for High B vitamins. Love & light
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EarthAngel
Tripper
Registered: 01/23/05
Posts: 67
Loc: New Zealand
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Re: Spilling my guts, an odd thing for me to do. [Re: EarthAngel]
#3795121 - 02/17/05 07:53 PM (19 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sorry just had a thought, Have u had your blood sugar levels checked out? U could quite possibly be hypoglycemic?
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