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Offlinedaba
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Nearing the edge of my perception
    #3780447 - 02/14/05 10:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Hi folks,

Lately, this has been haunting me. I haven't taken any drugs for about a year now, and prior to that I have limited the use of drugs. I have thought of this while intoxicated, and I have thought of this afterwards. Now, perhaps since sobriety has once again enveloped my disposition, these lingering thoughts have more of an impact.

What I am trying to describe is a feeling of bewilderment. I am at the edge of my reality, nothing feels real. I have a recurring thought that I am living some other life, that this human life isn't all there is. I come to think how in the world all this, the city, this computer, everything, comes into play with existence. I begin to think outside of what perhaps a human should be thinking, and a feeling, nearly natural, overwhelms me. I could go crazy thinking about the depths beyond what it is to be human. Right now, as you are reading this, what is THIS? What are you reading? What is reading? What is this sick game we are in? Why have we come to be in the first place? Can you grasp the image of what I am thinking of? I have lived with this thought pattern my whole life, thinking the only way which I know how. I try not to allude to anything as to not pollute the content of this post.

Fortunately, the field of science I study (engineering and mathematics) helps elucidate yet introduce many enigmas I have. I believe that such studies will lead me to a logical answer, rather than blindly accepting faith (be it religious or psychedelic) with no reasoning to support it. Nonetheless, I do not think it will bring me to a satisfactory truth.

The basis of this post is trying to grasp "the big picture." I have seen those of us so absorbed in this world, so absorbed in society, that it has become an integral part of who they are. There are those who cling onto reality because they fear what may be over the horizon. I have been told many things, on how to enjoy life, but I find them inadequate. I figure, because they are general sayings, that they are for everyone. Call me arrogant, but I do not consider myself the a regular layman, and thus I do not value such ubiquitous sayings as much as I perhaps should.

My question is, has anyone else felt this way, and what have they done with it? I cannot neglect these thoughts. Please, I encourage you to exchange conversation and ideas with me.

Best,
daba


--------------------
Fold for The Shroomery!


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InvisibleTM
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3780479 - 02/14/05 10:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Sounds like you need to do some occasional recreational drugs like pot and shrooms. Like you used to. Go back to "normal".


--------------------
================================================



"Have some congratulatory drugs." - C. Montgomery Burns

I'll probably always do drugs, so that just contributes to the addiction to The Shroomery... It's a vicious circle of bliss. :tongue2:

TMâ„¢ :cool:


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Offlinedaba
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: TM]
    #3780487 - 02/14/05 10:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I don't see how that would help anything. I have thought what I thought, and I cannot shrink my mind back to its original state. No, I refuse to.


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3780543 - 02/14/05 10:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

You said: "nothing feels real."
Response: Feeling that nothing is real seems to feel real enough to bother you. So at least something feels real.

You also said: "I could go crazy thinking about the depths beyond what it is to be human."
We are human. We are supposed to be. We are allowed to think as humans who are intelligent and endowed with certain abilities. You must bite off only as much as you can chew and digest. If there is anything positive and uplifting to think about it would be best to further examine these good things versus focusing on difficult issues too long.

You said: "Right now, as you are reading this, what is THIS?"
You're trying to gain attention here and you're trying to come back to realityville. This is a website on the internet via a computer network which humans have built. This is - in the least - an activity in social interraction.

You said: "What is this sick game we are in?"
This is where you are stuck. It's not sick. There is sickness in the way society is currently behaving and all sickness can be healed. There is much to live for, much to learn, much to experience - including plantlife, one another, love, hope, faith, God, peace, happiness, tranquility, awe, amazement, wonder, beauty, rapture, rebirth, newness, change for the better....

"Why have we come to be in the first place?"
We were created by Someone. He sees.

The basis of this post is trying to grasp "the big picture."
The Big Picture has many angles to view it from. Which one do you currently have? What will it be like 30 minutes from now? 30 days from now...30 years from now....? It changes. Truth exists and should not be complicated unless you wish it to be complicated.

"I have been told many things, on how to enjoy life, but I find them inadequate."
I do too. I have moments of enjoyment though, even hours and days of enjoyment. You can't think in such cold terms, brother. If you're going to be honest with yourself you've got to look at the Light and the darkness, the good and the bad. There is a time and season for everything under the sun.

"My question is, has anyone else felt this way, and what have they done with it?"
Reply: I've been there and its not an honest place of thought. It was the result of cutting off communication temporarily. ie prayer.

Be positive, brother. New things are on the horizon. Time will tell.


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3780665 - 02/14/05 11:00 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Hehehe, stay that way dude!  Don't follow the sheep.  You might overload sometimes from the crazyness of it all but you can also be amazed.  It will always be better than thinking you know everything when we know we don't!!!

It all a rat race and people klike us are more like observers.  Sometimes we observe so much we forget we gotta play the game too.

This was hard to put into words.  Hope I make sense... :stoned:


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Offlinedaba
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: Ego Death]
    #3782243 - 02/15/05 06:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Hi everyone. Thanks for your inputs so far.

Enter - I have something to say to you but I'll leave that for later.

danoEoboy - You make good sense. I suppose we are all looking for a degree of satisfaction that manifests itself as a degree of happiness. Indeed, I do not want to "follow the sheep," but realistically, I must in order to thrive in this era. However, what I fail to see is how "staying this way" would by any means demystify my dilemma.


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Offlineheadset
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3782302 - 02/15/05 07:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I feel the same as you, although i dont see myself as far along in explaining the science side of things.

i have an "inflated super ego" - of just knowingness - and i try to be humble, but right now *everyone-caught-up-in-the-right-here-right-now* is shoving this down my throat.

For my answer... im leaning heavily towards to faith, in light and truth. I see it everywhere.... patterns of my own thought emerging into existance, and patterns from other levels overlapping my own.
... Im developing hugely as a spiritual being, caught over buddhism belief's with psychedelic practices. I try and think about the big picture... and i feel sometimes im getting answers - but then i feel that asking to see the answer is the biggest mistake of my life.

Then i think about the *be-here-now'ers* and they've really got it going on. Existing in the moment, with harmony, a part of all that is, and just doing their part, and cultivating their own light and radiating it out towards the world..

From where ive gone with salvia im caught in *the cosmic joke/im neo* type of fantasy... but i do find some power in playing the role..

Remember: Its all there, your the key.

Enter speaks alot of truth.


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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3782672 - 02/15/05 10:58 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

daba,

I think I do know what you are talking about. That feeling? I have had it my entire life. What is this place? Why, and how, did I get here? I have an overpowering feeling that this is not all there is. The human experience, I think, encompases only a small part of what it is to Exist. So what else is there, and why have I been placed in this prison? I often wonder if everyone feels this way, or if it is only some of us (I know it's not ONLY me). This lack of communication has lead to a great deal of alienation in my life, and not having anyone to really DISCUSS the feeling with has made it that much more difficult to find out what it all means.

I have had these feelings as long as I can remember, and have never been able to really describe them to anyone. I, like you, latched on to the scientific path early on. I was convinced it could provide the answers I was looking for. Science is a great tool, probably THE best tool for understanding the world around us...and yet I have found that it falls far short (at least in its current form) of being able to answer this nagging question of WHY.

So how do we handle this feeling? I have tried ignoring it. That only leads to anxiety, frustration, and a great deal of apathy. So I don't think ignoring this feeling is the right thing to do (at least for me). Over the past few years, I have grown comfortable with the feeling and have realized that all of my "drive" in this life stems directly from this feeling. It is not something I can ignore...so I have embraced it. It has meant turning my back on much of the society around me. It has meant giving up any hopes of a "normal" life (there are times I long to be "normal"). Yet despite tossing aside everything that everyone around me holds dear...I am content. I have now devoted my life to nurturing and developing this drive of mine. I will ride this wave to its end, and only then (I think) will I understand WHY.

Hope this helps. Send me a PM if you want daba!
-tren


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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immediacy - towards preperception [Re: trendal]
    #3782946 - 02/15/05 12:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

in the brain what has happenned continues resonating as it is sorted into memory (fragmented and stored with matching memories)

often we hang in this resonating space - it is our psychological home ~3 seconds to 20 seconds long.

sounds to me like you are pressing to the fore, to the very edge of incoming input, trying not to hang in the fading sensations perceptions and resulting thoughts and memories.

maybe first as an experiment in living and then as a bit of a neurotic habit.

but

I think it is natural to slide fore and back in this "home" of 3-20 seconds, and you can relax about noticing it. ( I think it is excellent that you do notice it, and you might also notice others doing it without knowing)

it will not hurt you, and you can relax about it and gain some benefit by this "immediacy" - the more immediate the less filtered the input is and - really the less comprehensible it is too (pre-perceptive) - but it is a rush.

really
don't worry


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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3786537 - 02/16/05 12:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm the same way....It's making life difficult, but at the same time, better. I've always been separated from everyone else, and I havew had many insights watching people play their games. I've come to the conclusion that people like us know whats really going on, more so than those caught up in the games. This makes life difficult, but it will make what comes next more interesting, and, as I said, it gives us a very interesting and unique way of living.  :goodluck:


--------------------
Love; it's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: Dark_Star]
    #3791304 - 02/17/05 02:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

been thinking some more about this
it is possible - not likely -
but still possible that:
for no connected reason, and on it's own,
after or around the time of mushroom,
you have developed something in your brain
that is conducive to suppression of perception
- if it is really causing an uncomfortable sense of immediacy
you could use a brain scan to eliminate any apprehension of a physical cause.


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OfflineOblivion
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3791572 - 02/17/05 04:07 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Hey,

Just wanted to tell you my experience on mushrooms has led me to feel very much like you are describing. Nothing is real, it's all an illusion, there are things beyond this level of reality that you can almost touch, but not quite...It is very cool and yet scary. I am in physics so I can relate to your inability to grasp this and how frustrating it is.

I would advise however not to overanalyze these things. I did so thinking I could push the limits and touch what is beyond. What I found is that as an individual, you are capable of breaking down your mental barriers. But in doing so, you loose your base so to speak, and you have nothing to reference yourself by. I had serious depression problems along with panic attacks and flashbacks after delving on this from a scientific perspective. I guess my point is just keep a good grasp on the beautiful and positive things in life, if you're going to keep exploring.


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OfflineWiserGod
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: Oblivion]
    #3793435 - 02/17/05 03:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

thats the kind of thinking that got neo out the matrix


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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: daba]
    #3793527 - 02/17/05 03:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

it's fun to peer over the edge sometimes, but i wouldn't recommend leaping off into the void :wink:

peace


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Offlineheadset
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: Grav]
    #3796986 - 02/18/05 04:28 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Grav said:
it's fun to peer over the edge sometimes, but i wouldn't recommend leaping off into the void :wink:

peace




What if you slipped and cant catch yourself?


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OfflineFrankieN
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: trendal]
    #3797146 - 02/18/05 05:41 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"I have grown comfortable with the feeling and have realized that all of my "drive" in this life stems directly from this feeling. It is not something I can ignore...so I have embraced it. It has meant turning my back on much of the society around me. It has meant giving up any hopes of a "normal" life"

Very well put trendal, I feel very much the same. I was curious though, nobody here has really said where, when or how this feeling came to them, of course drugs have been mentioned, and science as a tool for exploring, but for me it seems to have been there my entire life. I remember being a young child, way before even thinking about drugs, and feeling this even stronger then I do now. Several people have mentioned having to turn away from regular society to embrace this feeling, but for me I grew up in the country and spent alot of time alone wondering around in woods and feilds, knowing that there was another side to this life that was undescribable, that was my concept of normal reality so there was no conflict. The ways of this time are really quite depressing, whith money ruling everything, but thats all it is is the way of the time, it is not truth, not reality, you do what you have to to survive but let what you feel guide you. I was wondering if anyone else remembers feeling this even in early childhood. And this whole topic reminds me of the series of books "The Teachings of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda, great books if you've never read them.


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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: FrankieN]
    #3797467 - 02/18/05 09:37 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Yes, I have had this feeling my entire life as well.

but thats all it is is the way of the time, it is not truth, not reality, you do what you have to to survive but let what you feel guide you

Definitely! As I see it, nothing can be done about how things are right now. This is natural, the way things have to be. I think our only hope is, as you said, to do what we feel we have to do. Survival is easy, in this light.


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: headset]
    #3797642 - 02/18/05 11:05 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

headset said:
Quote:

Grav said:
it's fun to peer over the edge sometimes, but i wouldn't recommend leaping off into the void :wink:

peace




What if you slipped and cant catch yourself?





then I suppose you have to wait for someone or something to do it for you


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OfflineWiserGod
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: Grav]
    #3797666 - 02/18/05 11:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Grav said:
Quote:

headset said:
Quote:

Grav said:
it's fun to peer over the edge sometimes, but i wouldn't recommend leaping off into the void :wink:

peace




What if you slipped and cant catch yourself?





then I suppose you have to wait for someone or something to do it for you




maybe thats how you get out the matrix


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Offlineheadset
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Re: Nearing the edge of my perception [Re: WiserGod]
    #3802024 - 02/19/05 02:10 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

WiserGod said:
Quote:

Grav said:
Quote:

headset said:
Quote:

Grav said:
it's fun to peer over the edge sometimes, but i wouldn't recommend leaping off into the void :wink:

peace




What if you slipped and cant catch yourself?





then I suppose you have to wait for someone or something to do it for you




maybe thats how you get out the matrix




i think thats dependant upon perception/emotional stability.

what might *something* be...


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