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OfflineRazman
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 514
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
emptiness again x 100
    #3776770 - 02/14/05 01:24 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

so here i am home again.. after 3 weeks of 12 hour shifts drilling for oil that we can put in our SUV's.. my girlfriend has become distant to the point where this relationship is almost non-existent. It's as if she doesn't recognize me anymore. After not seeing her for 2 weeks straight, she said about 10 words to me at the bar tonight.. and 99% of the time she was conversing with her friends who she see's every day. The feeling of detachment set in, and i became extremely quiet..I feel like a ghost, my personality that she once loved now invisable.. she looks at me with no desire anymore, no emotion, nothing.. i want her to talk to me like she talks to her friends for just ONE DAY. she is so outgoing around them, and then with me, she seems nothing but annoyed.. i've tried not to tick her off, or say the wrong thing, but even the slightest fuckup and i get a look of discust.. i left the bar because i felt nothing but hurt, like a child being abandonded by their mother. The emotion built to the point i just wanted to do something stupid. I had to walk out..I couldn't handle it. I dont blame her. Being gone all the time, she has learned to be happy without me. I got home (i live with my parents), and realized that there is nothing at home for me anymore. No friends, no life, no girlfriend who meant everything to me. Why do i stay here? I'm attached to the memories, thinking things will be the same again. But the truth, like the winters we have, is depressing and cold. I come back expecting everything to be the same as when i left, but all i see is a city ive lost connection with. . I sat in my truck, not even wanting to walk into the house that ive lived in for 22 years. i actually said outloud, Damn, my house key fits..

i cant stand the feeling of isolation. the drilling rigs are lonely. the guys out there are nothing like me. They're happy getting drunk every night and looking for one-night whores. i fit in when i want to, but other nights i just cant stand the bullshit. I sit in my motel room sometimes after work and stare blankly at the tv, which is off. No desire for anything. My dreams when i sleep become my only escape.

I can just see her at the bar right now, telling her friends what an asshole i am for leaving, "oh he's done this before, whatever". The indifference, no wondering what's wrong, because he does this, its how he is, is what she's thinking/saying to her friends. she's having a good time right now, and who am i to ruin it for her.

seriously though, any happiness ive ever experienced in my life has been so temporary, being replaced by depression x 100. i cant think of anything i'd rather do than die


Edited by Razman (02/14/05 01:25 AM)


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Offlinedelta9
Active Ingredient
Male Arcade Champion: Plumber

Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 5,390
Loc: California
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3776798 - 02/14/05 01:31 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

Just think...  It can only go up from here, bro :sun:


--------------------
delta9


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3776803 - 02/14/05 01:33 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

If you're lonely, tell her. If she doesn't care, then maybe its time to move on to better things.


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OfflineRazman
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 514
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: adrug]
    #3776830 - 02/14/05 01:40 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

whats better? hwo do you move on? on to what? feeling that theres nothing, theres nowhere to move.


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Invisibledobinky
infoseeker
 User Gallery
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 2,436
Loc: Wiki, Kentucky
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3776839 - 02/14/05 01:42 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

tell us about your job!


--------------------
Today?s Pig is Tomorrow?s Bacon


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Offlinedelta9
Active Ingredient
Male Arcade Champion: Plumber

Registered: 10/29/04
Posts: 5,390
Loc: California
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3776842 - 02/14/05 01:43 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

There's always something over the next hill...

Maybe this is your calling... Save some money and travel with some bands this summer, try and help spread LSD - it will give you something to do and possibly meaning.


--------------------
delta9


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,363
Loc: In the jungle
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3776858 - 02/14/05 01:48 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I don't know...I think there is always a chance for the conditions of a persons life to change!  But you might have to take action and get determined.  Take action...change something if you are not happy!  Think about the parts you think are rotten in your life and then get rid of them as fast of you can so that you can start to heal and move forward. 

Definately man, it's easier to say it then do it, but you *can* do it!  :heart:


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OfflineTwister
Lucrative
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 6,672
Loc: Midwest
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: MOTH]
    #3776885 - 02/14/05 02:00 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

If you are unhappy in your current life and the only thing keeping you there is memories, you should just say fuck it and get away from all of that stuff that you don't like. Save up some money and just leave. It may sound crazy but why stay somewhere where everything make you feel empty. It doesnt have to be a permanent move, maube just a long vacation so you can think about stuff. Try to find things that you love or at least something to fill up that emptiness.


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Offlineagr8fulchick
Feed Your Head!

Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 707
Loc: Stranded in Iowa
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: adrug]
    #3777682 - 02/14/05 09:54 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I totally agree with adrug! Tell your woman how you feel. Maybe take her out for dinner, or even better, cook her up a nice dinner so that the two of your aren't out in a noisy bar. Don't let her be distracted by her friends and a noisy environment. Treat her to a special night, tell her how you feel and how much you love and miss her (everyone likes flowers!). Try to get her to be honest with you, and if she's just being pouty because she misses you, then maybe you can find another job that would allow you to spend more time with her. If she sucks, then up and move! A total change of scenery may be just what you need :smile:

:goodluck:


--------------------
Life's a journey. Take the scenic route.

        :sun: :heart: :heart: :sun:


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Invisibleniteowl
GrandPaw
Male User Gallery

Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 16,291
Loc: Flag
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3777823 - 02/14/05 11:00 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

It seems that your work environment needs to change. Your not happy with the work(pay is good but....) the time away(2-3 WEEKS) is interfering with you relationship.

My advise to you is to get another job. If you can work at an oil rig you can EASILY get a factory job near you home. The work is somewhat tedious but you home live will be MUCH improved.

My father worked on an offshore oil rig. It destroyed his family. You cant have a good home live if you gone for 3 weeks at a whack.

Good pay is one thing being depressed is a WHOLE different story.


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Invisibleafoaf
CEO DBK?
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/08/02
Posts: 32,665
Loc: Ripple's Heart
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: Razman]
    #3778055 - 02/14/05 11:58 AM (11 years, 9 months ago)

read a book


--------------------
All I know is The Growery is a place where losers who get banned here go.


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OfflineKristiMidocean
fattie whale
Female User Gallery

Registered: 01/27/05
Posts: 3,702
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: emptiness again x 100 [Re: niteowl]
    #3778111 - 02/14/05 12:07 PM (11 years, 9 months ago)

I definatly agree if you dont want her anymore then you need to move far away and start all over again sitting in the past is jst hurting you not doing you any good at all. But if you really love her I say you really need to talk to her and tell her how you feel that you think she is ignoring you or whatever. I think you should go talk to her because it really seems like you love her. Coming from agirl thats what I would want go lay all your feelings on the table. Find out why she is acting the way she is. Get to the root of it. You said you just try not to make wrong moves Im betting that you just try not to talk because you think you will say something wrong. Sweetheart coming from a girl thats about the worst thing you can do. Go to her calmly and senser. If she loves you she will be more then willing happy even that you came to talk it out! Girls love to talk and hear you talk. We expect you to read our minds and when you cant yeah we get mad but then we talk to you about it and 99% of the time we get over it. Dont try to read her mind tell her you feel lost and confussed. Just be honest thats the key! good luck guy. anytime you want to talk I here!
Much love kristi


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:smile: I live for LNC :smile:


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