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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Enlightenment Test
    #3770164 - 02/12/05 06:55 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

The following is a test of your level of enlightenment. Score one point for each correct answer, subtract one point for each wrong answer.

Add your total number of right answers to the total number of wrong answers, divide by the total number of questions on the test, then wonder why you've tried to follow it this far.

Select the answer which best completes the following statements:

1. Yin and .........
A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang

2. A Zen koan is ........
A) Jewish Buddhist
B) All of the above
C) One of the above
D) None of the above

3. Just before total God-realization I would see.......
A) A blue pearl
B) Nothing
C) Everything
D) How would I know?

4) Lao-Tsu is.......
A) Shrimp with fried rice
B) The Atman Brothers
C) A Japanese word for sneeze
D) One of the above

5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become.......
A) Jivatmanatman
B) The Atman Brothers
C) Jivatman & Atman Inc.
D) Mr & Mrs Atman

6) The word or words which best describes the
relationship of God, Guru and Self is.......
A) Oneness
B) Twoness
C) Penpalness
D) Just good friends

7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?
A) Jehova
B) Elohim
C) Yahweh
D) Charlton Heston

8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get.......
A) A Swogi
B) A Salami
C) Yogurt
D) Heartburn

9) Carlos Castaneda is:
A) a flamingo dancer
B) A resort near San Juan
C) The 2nd baseman for the LA Dodgers
D) The guitarist for Santana


10) Om Mani Padme means:
A) O manny, pardon my home
B) Money talks, nobody walks.
C) If u cn rd ths msg u cn Sanskrit Gt a gd jb
D) Never having to say you're Sorry

11) The sound of one hand clapping is:
A) Very quiet
B) similar to smiling with one lip
C) A Zen record shop
D) Like the "p" in swimming

12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to :
A) Eenie meenie
B) Halloweenie
C) Harry Ho
D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer)

13) The Tao Te Ching is:
A) The new premier of China
B) A new record by Cheech and Chong
C) I Ching's older brother
D) A massage parlor in
Tokyo

14) You arrive at a party and your host says, "Far
out, I want to take the responsibility for creating
space in your universe so you can experience your
experience." He means:
A) "Have a good time"
B) "Don't eat the Sweedish meatballs"
C) "I just completed est training" D) Nothing anyone would understand

15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine
hours, how many devotees would it take to mow the
lawn?

16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour,
how many stoned devotees would it take to meditate
until nobody cared?

17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a
rate of 3.5 pranayamas per second, and at the same
time an energy force was traveling in the opposite
direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayams per second, what
time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los
Angles?

True-False

_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and
maple flavoring.

_______Satori is better than nirvana and samadhi
except on weekends and holodays.

_______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only
rounder.

_______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by
Harold Robbins.

Score

0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel
of life and death. Try again next incarnation!

6-10 points You are largely unconscious and stuck in
worldly pleasures

10-15 points You are so-so on the enlightment scale.
Keep reading the New Sun.

15-20 points You are a very conscious being; with a
little good karma you could go a long way.

20-25 points You are very close to
God-realization--early November at the latest.



.............................................
The perfection of Zen is to
be perfectly and simply human.

--Alan Watts




--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineVertigo6911
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3770263 - 02/12/05 09:28 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

err... i dont see how knowing any of these facts makes one spirtual...
nor how not knowing them would make a person less spiritual...


--------------------
-Know ye not that ye are gods?-
My homepage


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Posts: 24,849
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Vertigo6911]
    #3770270 - 02/12/05 09:31 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Then add two more points to your score, for not seeing how knowing any of these facts makes you more spiritual, but then subtract two points from your score not seeing how not knowing them makes a person less spiritual.

Then subtract one more point for expressing your opinion when not asked. :evil:

:wink:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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InvisibleLocus
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Posts: 6,049
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Vertigo6911]
    #3770275 - 02/12/05 09:35 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, I agree somewhat.

.. ok not just somewhat.


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


Edited by Locus (02/12/05 10:14 AM)


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
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Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3770285 - 02/12/05 09:41 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Half of these things have nothing to do with enlightenement.
Knowing eastern words will not make you enlightened, it will make you a person that knows eastern words, that's all


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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InvisibleSinbad
Living TheMoment
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Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Locus]
    #3770292 - 02/12/05 09:42 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Below is the best enligtenment test!



Try not to move or speak a word when your body is burning in flames, then you'll know whether your enlightened or not!


--------------------


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Posts: 24,849
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #3770303 - 02/12/05 09:50 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

OldWoodSpecter said:
Half of these things have nothing to do with enlightenement.
Knowing eastern words will not make you enlightened,




I'd have to disagree with this. :wink: Knowing eastern words could instantly make you Enlightened.

Also, I think some might not notice the humorous intent of this post... perhaps they are not Enlightened? :lol: :wink:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineVertigo6911
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: fireworks_god]
    #3770320 - 02/12/05 10:01 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

even if it all about enlightenment, knowing a concpet and understanding it are not the same as articulating it...

one can be exteremely spriritual and not knopw theser particular words in this particular language...
and if george bush would score this thing perfectly cuz he just happened to read the right books does that make his a spiritual person?

oh and is there any1 on this planet who REALY knows what it means to be spiritual?

in my experiance every1 who has ever called him/her self a spiritual person turned out to be motivated by vanity and greed.
each and every single one of them.

Quote:

Try not to move or speak a word when your body is burning in flames, then you'll know whether your enlightened or not!




i doubt it... the pain from a fire like that only lasts a few seconds
and efter that all nerves are dead and u feel nothing...
or so ive been told...



--------------------
-Know ye not that ye are gods?-
My homepage


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InvisibleLocus
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Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,049
Loc: ny/europe/other
Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Vertigo6911]
    #3770324 - 02/12/05 10:03 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I'm curious, what do you think it means to be a spiritual person?


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,849
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Vertigo6911]
    #3770334 - 02/12/05 10:09 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Vertigo6911 said:
even if it all about enlightenment, knowing a concpet and understanding it are not the same as articulating it...





I was illustrating that it is pointless to define what can and cannot produce Enlightenment. To say "knowing Eastern words does not produce Enlightenment" is not true because they certainly could produce Enlightenment, as could anything. Carefully notice that I am not defining what Enlightenment is, how one comes to it, or etc. :wink:

I will also note the apparent humorous intent in the original post. :smirk:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineVertigo6911
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: fireworks_god]
    #3770391 - 02/12/05 10:37 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

here we go with the enlightenment again...
what is that exaclty?
do urealy think u can change your mind to become something superhuman?

i believe being spiritual means expanding your mind.
to actively engage in your psycological development to the end of becoming a better person.
i know that aint it exactly... but thats as far as i got...

as for enlightenment... i think it comes in small doses...

Quote:

To say "knowing Eastern words does not produce Enlightenment" is not true because they certainly could produce Enlightenment




i disagree... it is not the words that teach, it is their meaning...
how meny words are spoken by peaple who have no idea what they truely mean?
i guess im trying to draw a line between truely understaning something
and assuming to understand something...
knowing the awnsers is not the same as understanding them...
in the end we are all limited in our ability to interpid meaning...

as for the humerous intent, i got that but the subject is just way to interesting to me to neglect posting a serious comment...
also im tragicly sober at the moment :sad: so ure gonna have to let some shit slide ok...


--------------------
-Know ye not that ye are gods?-
My homepage


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Offlinemikl
I am perception
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Registered: 12/16/04
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3770393 - 02/12/05 10:38 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

You need a hobbie.


--------------------
MAY YOU BE NURTURED BY THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR.


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Offlinesox24
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: mikl]
    #3770474 - 02/12/05 11:37 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

"I'm much too fast to take that test."


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Offlinetrinity7
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Registered: 09/25/04
Posts: 104
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Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: sox24]
    #3771175 - 02/12/05 04:14 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Hey Skorpivo !
I nearly fell off the couch when I read the test.
Looking at the answers that informed you you cannot measure enlightenment really cracked me up.
Great work !

Namaste, Shalom, Over and Out :handth:


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OfflineEarthAngel
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Registered: 01/23/05
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: trinity7]
    #3775653 - 02/13/05 09:29 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

If you call yourself, "enlightend" then you are not "enlightend, as to call yourself "enlightend" is just giberish and egotistical to sumbody that is in fact "enlightned".
My opinion.


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OfflineUnenlightenedOne
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: EarthAngel]
    #3775695 - 02/13/05 09:41 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

If you call yourself, "enlightend" then you are not "enlightend, as to call yourself "enlightend" is just giberish and egotistical to sumbody that is in fact "enlightned".




I agree.

Calling one's self enlightened is only stroking one's own ego.Enlightened individuals would know they are enlightened yet have no need to communicate it to the outside world nor do they need to claim enlightenment.It is merely another state of being.We experience many states of being daily.Why is just one more state of being so desired?It is the very act of desiring it that will keep you from it.


--------------------
Do not desire to reach a high level.Rather work without thought of reward to iron out flaws and impurities in one's self for the sake of one's self.When one has done this one needs not to desire anymore. http://www.lifeforceonlinestore.com/yc/


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InvisibleSclorch
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: UnenlightenedOne]
    #3775902 - 02/13/05 10:35 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Sometimes I hate words.


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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Offlinedeff
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: Sclorch]
    #3777558 - 02/14/05 08:44 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

agreed :smile:


--------------------



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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: EarthAngel]
    #3777590 - 02/14/05 09:12 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

EarthAngel said:
If you call yourself, "enlightend" then you are not "enlightend, as to call yourself "enlightend" is just giberish and egotistical to sumbody that is in fact "enlightned".
My opinion.




This is a popular opinion, but I don't think it is a very logical one. :grin:

I think it is rather egotistical to determine rules for how "enlightened" people are to conduct themselves as "enlightened" people. I also see it egotistical, and rather ignorant, to make bold assumptions as to the nature of other people's actions. If a man declares himself "enlightened", it is said to be out of egotism, but the truth in the matter is that as you are not privleged to the thought processes, intents, and motivations within the mind of this self-professed "enlightened" person, you are not one to judge the thought processes, intents, and motivations responsible for one's actions.

I am a guitarist, and I do not find it egotistical for myself to inform others that I play the guitar. Is it egotistical for me to express an observation of reality as I perceive it? But, what if I were to classify myself as a skilled guitarist? What is the difference? Is my perspective of my playing ability invalid, as it pertains to me? *doesn't think so*

Of course, one usage of the word "enlightenment" represents a merging with the universe, free of any distinctions, and if one is in this state of mind, they naturally wouldn't be making any distinctions in regards to that state of mind, now would they? :grin:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineSeussA
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Re: Enlightenment Test [Re: fireworks_god]
    #3777893 - 02/14/05 11:20 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

If a man declares himself "enlightened", it is said to be out of egotism, but the truth in the matter is that as you are not privleged to the thought processes, intents, and motivations within the mind of this self-professed "enlightened" person, you are not one to judge the thought processes, intents, and motivations responsible for one's actions.




All true, but it is the actual act of declaration rather than the motivation that 'negates enlightenment'.  Ego/Enlightenment.. it is all overrated anyway... what matters is how one lives, not what ones says: action over words.

Quote:

Of course, one usage of the word "enlightenment" represents a merging with the universe, free of any distinctions, and if one is in this state of mind, they naturally wouldn't be making any distinctions in regards to that state of mind, now would they?




:heart:


--------------------
Just another spore in the wind.


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